-You guys, it was almost 60 degrees today in New York City.
60. Yeah.
It was so warm, the 30 Rock ice rink just hired a lifeguard.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Let's get to some news here, guys.
Yesterday, President Trump returned home
from the G20 summit in Argentina.
And just to mess with him, his staffers trashed the Oval Office
and told him it was an FBI raid.
[ Laughter and applause ]
"There was just nothing we could do, Mr. President.
There was so many of them! And they had guns."
[ Light laughter ]
During his speech this weekend, Trump had some trouble
pronouncing the name of Mexico's president.
It's President Peña Nieto, but listen to what Trump said.
-President...
I must say, "Penny Netto."
[ Laughter ]
-Can we just hear it again? Just what...
-I must say, "Penny Netto." [ Light laughter ]
-A second later, Trump said, "I must say -- excuse me --
I must say President Pantene Pro-V."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Patene Pro-V. [ Cheers and applause ]
[ Chuckles ] Well, at the summit,
all the leaders signed a joint statement
pledging to fight climate change,
except for Trump.
But they had a plan to get Trump to sign it --
they're gonna tell him that it's a Christmas card for Putin.
[ Laughter and applause ] And they -- "Just sign it."
[ Cheers and applause ]
And get this -- I heard that Michael Cohen's decision
to cooperate with Robert Mueller
could put Donald Trump Jr. in serious legal trouble.
You could tell Don Jr. is worried,
because, today, he tried to enlist in the Space Force.
[ Laughter and applause ]
After reports that he tried to do business with Russia,
President Trump said everything he did was, quote,
"Very legal and very cool."
[ Light laughter ]
Not a good sign when the President explains himself
like a stoner who just got pulled over
on the way home from Burning Man.
[ Laughter and applause ]
"What I did was very legal and very cool."
[ Laughter ]
In a new interview with ABC,
one of Trump's former advisers, Roger Stone,
says he never colluded with WikiLeaks.
But every time George Stephanopoulos
showed evidence that he did collude,
Stone did a pretty weird thing with his mouth.
Watch this. It's...
-It's a July 25th, 2016, e-mail from you to Jerome Corsi,
where you say, "Get to Assange."
You say Malik, you tell him, should go see Assange.
You had another e-mail to another associate of yours,
Sam Nunberg, on August 4th.
"I dined with my new pal Julian Assange last night."
-Mm-hmm.
[ Laughter ]
[ Laughter continues ]
-Looks like a dog who just got into the peanut butter.
You know?
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Applause continues ]
Of course, it's the holiday season
and the other day, Melania Trump
gave Fox News a tour of the White House decorations.
At one point, they asked
what she's getting Donald for Christmas.
It was a little awkward. Watch this.
-And what will you get the President this year
for Christmas?
-Oh, I didn't think about that. He's easy.
-Yeah. [ Laughter and applause ]
Hm. She was like,
"It doesn't matter what I get him --
he just likes playing with the box."
So, I mean, it didn't matter. [ Laughter and applause ]
"Oh, my goodness! Wow!
I'm going to get inside of it."
[ Light laughter ] -"It's a wall."
-"It's a space" -- It's a wall!
[ Laughter ]
Guys, I love the holidays, especially the music.
There are so many great holiday songs out there,
but most of us only know the classics.
So here to tell us about some of this year's new songs
are professional Christmas musicians
and fraternal twin brothers
Doug and Nate West, everybody.
Wow. Oh, my God. [ Cheers and applause ]
Hey. [ Indistinct conversation ]
-Pleasure to meet you. -Oh, wow.
-Whoa, hello. -Hey! Whoa.
-Doug and Nate -- hey, guys! -Hey.
-Nice to see you guys. -Yes!
-Thank you for being here. -Oh, well, the same to you.
-Oh, my goodness. -Now, guys, can you tell us
about some of 2018's brand-new Christmas songs?
-Oh, you betcha.
-Let's kick things off with one of our newest favorites.
Now, everyone knows a "White Christmas"
and "Jingle Bell Rock."
But the song everyone will be singing this year is --
ready for it? --
"I Caught Santa Dancing."
May we? -Please.
[ Light laughter ] -A-one, two, three, four.
-♪ I caught Santa dancing ♪
♪ He was shuffling on the roof ♪
♪ I heard the tipping and tapping ♪
♪ And clapping and snapping ♪
♪ Of each little reindeer and its hoof ♪
-Huh? Huh? Huh?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-All right, that was an interesting song.
I don't know if it's as catchy as "Jingle Bell Rock."
-It is. -It is.
[ Laughter ] -Okay, well...
Well, are there any other songs that you're excited about?
-Oh, you betcha.
[ Light laughter ]
Move over, Frosty.
-Take a hike, Little Drummer Boy.
-'Cause, this year, everyone's gonna be singing
a little song called -- here it comes --
"Chimney Full of Cheer."
A-two, three, four.
-♪ Mom's in the chimney, Dad's in the chimney ♪
♪ Sister's in the chimney, Brother's in the chimney ♪
♪ Grandma's in the chimney ♪
♪ Kyle's in the chimney ♪
♪ Chimney full of cheer ♪
-I'm sorry. Yeah, that's... [ Cheers and applause ]
That's a song -- That's a song
about the whole family getting stuck in a chimney?
-Yep. -Is it? Oh, yeah.
Well, who's Kyle? -Family friend.
[ Laughter ]
-Now, did, um -- did you guys write these songs?
-[ Chuckling ] Yes. -[ Chuckling ] Oh, yeah.
-Ah, okay.
Well, what about something that sounds a little different?
-Hm. A little different? -Sure.
-Buckle up for -- drum roll --
"Mommy, Can the Snowman Sleep Over?"
[ Light laughter ] A-two, three, four.
♪ Mommy, can the snowman sleep over? ♪
-♪ Oh, can we keep our house cold so he won't melt? ♪
-♪ Can he sleep in my bed ♪ -♪ And rest his round head ♪
-♪ So he doesn't have to sleep in the sun? ♪
-Thank you. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow. I-I got to be honest, guys --
These are -- These songs are bad songs.
-Well, okay. [ Light laughter ]
-Do you have anything even remotely catchy?
-A-two, three, four.
-♪ It's snowing on the elves ♪
♪ It's snowing on the elves ♪
♪ It's such a Christmas miracle ♪
♪ It's snowing on the elves ♪
[ Cheers and applause ] -I -- You know what?
I got to say -- I don't hate that one.
[ Light laughter ] -Yeah?
-Everybody!
-♪ It's snowing on the elves ♪
♪ It's snowing on the elves ♪
♪ It's such a Christmas miracle ♪
♪ It's snowing on the elves ♪ [ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow. Give it up for Doug and Nate West, everybody!
Fantastic. Hey, nice to see you.
-Thank you. -Thank you, guys.
[ Applause continues ]
[ Music ends ]
-Oh, my God.
-Which one was Doug?
-Doug was the other one. -Oh.
[ Light laughter ] Guys, this is going viral.
Over the weekend, a man proposed in Times Square,
but he was so nervous,
he dropped the ring into a sidewalk grate.
[ Audience ohhs ] It was quite a scene.
Someone was in distress,
and just like 50 Spider-Mans just stood there, watching.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Applause continues ]
That's right -- he accidentally dropped the ring
into a sidewalk grate.
He was terrified, while a rat underneath was like,
"Yes, yes! A thousand times, yes!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
The good news is, the NYPD found the ring
and returned it to the woman. [ Audience awws ]
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
The bad news is, she fell in love
with the officer that gave it to her.
They're getting married in the spring.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Guys, this is very exciting.
Today, the website Giphy announced
that their number-one GIF from 2018 is from our show.
[ Cheering and applause ]
It is a GIF of Cardi B saying "okurrr,"
and it was viewed over 282 million times.
Check this out.
This one, okurrr.
[ Light laughter ] Yeah, right there.
Oh, I love -- I love GIFs.
Tariq, do you like GIFs?
-No. [ Laughter ]
I like "JIFs."
[ Audience ohs ]
-I can't believe you're gonna do this, Tariq.
[ Light laughter ]
"GIF" stands for "Graphics Interchange Format."
Graphic has a hard "G" -- it's "G" -- "GIF."
-Well, actually, "Gimmy"... [ Laughter ]
...the inventor of the "JIF," Steve Wilhite,
he's gone on the record several times
and said that it's pronounced "JIF."
-Like the peanut butter? Get real.
[ Light laughter ] It's GIF.
-It's JIF. -It's GIF.
-It's JIF. -♪ GIF ♪
-JIF.
-♪ GIF ♪ -JIF.
-♪ Let's call the whole thing off ♪
-There you go. Thank you.
[ Applause ]
Ah. [ Chuckles ]
It's "GIF." -It's "JIF."
-Finally, I heard that, on January 1st,
"Friends" might be leaving Netflix.
[ Audience oohs ]
When fans heard that, they were like,
"Wow, no one told us life was gonna be this way."
[ Laughter and applause ] We have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots, everybody!
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