OVER THE WEEKEND DONALD TRUMP IS HAVING THE PRIME MINISTER OF
JAPAN OVER, SHINZO ABE, THEY'RE GOING TO PLAY SOME GOLF, RELAX A
LITTLE BIT -- ROCK 'N ROLL.
THEY HAVE A GOOD RELATIONSHIP,
EVERYONE IS HAPPY.
UNFORTUNATELY SOMEONE COMES TO DINNER
UNINVITED AND THAT IS KIM JONG-UN.
HE DIDN'T LITERALLY
COME OVER TO MAR A LAGO, THAT WOULD BE AMAZING -- HE LAUNCHED
INTERMEDIATE RANGE BALLISTIC MISSILES, THESE ARE TESTS, THEY
DIDN'T LAND ON LAND AGAINST OUR ALLIES, BUT THAT IS VERY
CONCERNING AND WE DID NOT KNOW IT WAS COMING, SO IT IS
BASICALLY TESTING TRUMP.
NOW, THE NUMBER ONE PLACE NORTH
KOREAN MISSILES CAN HIT IS A SOUTH KOREA, IF WE GET INTO A
CONFLICT WITH THEM MILLIONS OF LIVES COULD BE LOST IN SOUTH
KOREA.
THE NUMBER TO PLACE IT COULD HIT IS JAPAN, AND THE
PRIME MINISTER OF JAPAN IS RIGHT NEXT TO DONALD TRUMP.
THIS IS A
VERY INTERESTING MOMENT, HOW WILL TRUMP REACT?
FIRST, LET ME
SAY THAT WE HAVE NOT INVADED NORTH KOREA.
WHEW.
THAT WOULD
NOT HAVE BEEN THE RIGHT THING TO DO, WE'VE GOT TO BE MORE CAREFUL
THAN THAT, WE DODGED A BULLET THERE.
YOU NEVER KNOW WHEN
TRUMP'S THIN SKIN WILL CHALLENGE WHAT HE WILL DO.
HE WANTS TO
TALK TOUGH AGAINST NORTH KOREA, YOU SHOULD, YOU SHOULD TAKE
SANCTIONS AND OTHER ACTIONS THAT DON'T PROVOKE ACTUAL WAR --
LET'S SHOW YOU WHAT KIM JONG-UN WAS DOING OVER THE WEEKEND, THIS
IS THEORETICALLY HIM LOOKING AT THE MISSILE TEST, BUT THE TEST
DID HAPPEN WHETHER HE'S LOOKING AT IT AND SEEING IT AS SOMETHING
ELSE -- ANYTHING INVOLVING HIM I ALWAYS FIND IT A LITTLE KIM
JONG-UNBELIEVABLE, BUT IT DID HAPPEN IN THIS CASE.
NOW IN
AMERICA WHERE DONALD TRUMP WAS HOSTING THE PRIME MINISTER OF
JAPAN, A LITTLE BIT MORE REGAL, I GUESS, AS TRUMP WOULD THINK,
SURROUNDINGS -- HE IS AT MAR A LAGO, ONE OF HIS PROPERTIES DOWN
IN FLORIDA.
THEY ARE CALLING IT THE WINTER WHITE HOUSE, THEY'VE
ALREADY DOUBLED THE PRICE OF MEMBERSHIP BECAUSE THE PRESIDENT
IS ALWAYS THERE AND HE'S MINGLING WITH THE GUESTS.
UNDER
NORMAL CIRCUMSTANCES THAT IS PROBLEMATIC BECAUSE IT'S A
CONFLICT OF INTEREST, BUT IN THE CASE OF AN INTERNATIONAL
EMERGENCY, A LITTLE WEIRD.
LET'S SEE HOW HE HANDLES IT.
WE HAVE
PICTURES FROM MAR A LAGO AS WELL.
THERE IS THE PRESIDENT AND
PRIME MINISTER HUDDLED OVER A TABLE, TALKING ABOUT -- I'M NOT
KIDDING -- TALKING ABOUT THE NORTH KOREA SITUATION, TOP
SECRET STUFF, BUT THEY ARE IN THE MIDDLE OF THE DINING AREA AT
MAR A LAGO WITH ALL SORTS OF CITIZENS THAT ARE NOT PART OF
THE GOVERNMENT AT ALL MILLING AROUND, INCLUDING WAITERS.
AND
LOOK AT THE SURROUNDINGS THERE -- FOLDER NOT ALL GOVERNMENT
OFFICIALS.
WAITERS KEEP SERVING DINNER, THEY FOUND OUT DURING
THE SALAD THAT NORTH KOREA HAD LAUNCHED, AND ALL THESE STAFFERS
COME IN, AND THEY KEEP COMING AND SERVING OTHER PARTS OF THE
MEAL -- FINE, THEY ARE ON THE PATIO, BUT THERE ARE CITIZENS
ALL AROUND, THEY ARE TALKING ABOUT TOP SECRET STUFF IN FRONT
OF EVERYONE.
PEOPLE ARE TAKING PICTURES AND TWEAKING IT AND
PUTTING IT ON FACEBOOK, AND APPARENTLY IT GOT DARK OUTSIDE
SO STAFFERS STARTED TO TAKE THEIR CELL PHONES AND TURNED THE
FLASHLIGHT OF THE CELL PHONE TO READ THE TOP-SECRET INTELLIGENCE
BRIEFINGS.
OH MY GOD, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET INSIDE.
THAT
STUFF IS TOP-SECRET -- REMEMBER THEY CHANTED LOCK HER UP BECAUSE
SHE HAD A PRIVATE EMAIL SERVER?
THEY SAID THAT WAS A PROBLEM FOR
NATIONAL SECURITY.
I SAID IT WAS.
WHAT YOU JUST SAW THERE IS
A MILLION TIMES BIGGER THAN NATIONAL SECURITY -- NORTH
KOREA, DOCUMENTS ON MISSILES, ANYBODY WANT TO SEE?
SOMEBODY
PUT A FLASHLIGHT ON IT.
THERE IS NO WAY THAT THESE KNUCKLEHEADS
HAVE SECURED ROOMS AT MAR A LAGO.
THEY SHOULD, THE GUY IS
THE PRESIDENT, HE WILL HAVE MOMENTS LIKE THIS.
BUT AT LEAST
GET INSIDE, FOR CHRIST'S SAKE.
IT WILL GET WORSE.
THERE THEY
ARE DISCUSSING ALL THIS STUFF, AND LET ME SHOW YOU ONE MORE
PICTURE FROM THAT -- PEOPLE START PUTTING IT ON FACEBOOK.
THIS GUY PUTS A FACEBOOK POST SAYING I'M SITTING HERE AT MAR A
LAGO AND THE PRESIDENT SEEMS TO BE DOING SOMETHING IMPORTANT,
THERE IS THE PRIME MINISTER AND THE HEAD OF THE NATIONAL
SECURITY COUNCIL HAS COME IN -- THIS IS NOW PUBLIC AND EVERYONE
IS SEEING IT.
LET'S GO TO THE NEXT PICTURE, THIS IS TRUMP
LOOKING A LITTLE BORED BY THE WHOLE THING.
LIKE, HUH, WHAT ARE
WE GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?
IT'S ON INSTAGRAM, I HOPE THEY GOT A
GOOD PRICE FOR BEING AT MAR A LAGO.
THEY APPARENTLY PREPARE A
JOINT STATEMENT THAT TRUMP IS SUPPOSED TO READ, BUT HE
DOESN'T. THERE IS A POSSIBILITY THAT HE DIDN'T READ IT BECAUSE
THEY CHANGE THEIR MIND AT THE LAST MINUTE, ANOTHER POSSIBILITY
IS THAT TRUMP IS A SCHMUCK -- WHAT AM I GOING TO DO, READ THIS
WHOLE THING?
I'LL JUST SAY HOW MUCH I LIKE THE JAPANESE.
YOU
DECIDE, HERE'S THE TAPE, THIS IS THE ENTIRETY OF HIS
STATEMENT ON THIS IMPORTANT MOMENT.
NORTH KOREA'S MOST RECENT MISSILE LAUNCH IS INTOLERABLE.
NORTH KOREA MUST FULLY COMPLY WITH THE RELEVANT U.N. SECURITY
COUNCIL RESOLUTIONS, PRESIDENT TRUMP AND I MYSELF ASSURE YOU
THAT WE ARE GOING TO PROMOTE FURTHER COLLABORATION BETWEEN
THE TWO NATIONS.
DURING THE SUMMIT MEETING I HAD WITH
PRESIDENT TRUMP, HE ASSURED ME THAT THE UNITED STATES IS ALWAYS
WITH JAPAN 100%.
THANK YOU, MR.
PRIME MINISTER.
I JUST WANT EVERYONE TO
UNDERSTAND AND FULLY KNOW THAT THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
STANDS BEHIND JAPAN, ITS GREAT ALLY, 100%.
THANK YOU.
THAT WAS IT. AND OF COURSE THE SCHMUCKS LEFT THE PAPER OUT IN
FRONT OF HIM AND REPORTERS SAW IT, IT HAD A WHOLE BUNCH OF
STUFF HE WAS SUPPOSED TO SAY LIKE WE ARE GOING TO SAFEGUARD
AND PROTECT AGAINST NORTH KOREA'S PROVOCATIVE ACTS,
SPECIFIC LANGUAGE YOU USE TO CHECK NORTH KOREA, BUT SINCE
THEY ARE AT MAR A LAGO AND NOT THE WHITE HOUSE THERE IS NO
TELEPROMPTER, AND HE'S LIKE, WE ARE GOING TO WIN BIG, SUPPORT
THEM 100%, I'M DONE WITH THIS.
AY YIY YIY.
IT WILL GET MUCH
WORSE.
THE SAME GUY WHO TOOK THE PICTURES OF THEM HANGING OUT
HAVING DINNER TALKING ABOUT TOP SECRET STUFF TOOK A PICTURE OF
THE GUY THAT HOLDS THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
AND
HE PUT IT ON FACEBOOK.
TAKE A LOOK -- LUCKILY THEY BLACKED OUT
THE FACE.
THIS IS SOME RANDOM SCHMUCK IN A TIE WHO PAYS TOO
MUCH MONEY TO BE AT MAR A LAGO, BUT HE'S LIKE, IT'S WORTH IT, I
PAY MY MONEY AND I GO OVER THERE AND THERE IS THE NUCLEAR
FOOTBALL GUY.
YOU JUST TOLD THE WHOLE WORLD THE GUY WHO HAS THE
NUCLEAR CODES, ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO PAY TO GO TO MAR A LAGO
AND YOU CAN JUST GET HIM.
HE'S WALKING AROUND AND YOU PUT HIM
ON FACEBOOK.
WE TALKED ABOUT HOW DANGEROUS IT WOULD BE FOR DONALD
TRUMP TO BECOME PRESIDENT BECAUSE HE HOLDS THE NUCLEAR
CODES -- LOOK AT HOW CARELESS HE IS WITH IT. AND THEY CRITICIZED
HILLARY CLINTON FOR BEING CARELESS WITH NATIONAL SECURITY
INFORMATION?
AT LEAST SHE WASN'T THROWING THE NUCLEAR FOOTBALL
AROUND IN PALM BEACH.
JESUS CHRIST.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE,
AMERICA?
THEY HAVE GOT TO GET A HOLD OF THE SECURITY A LOT
BETTER.
NOW OF COURSE THE MANCHILD KNOWN AS DONALD TRUMP,
HE CAN'T PAY ATTENTION AND FOCUS ON THIS IMPORTANT MISSILE
SITUATION IN NORTH KOREA, SO IS ALL THE STUFF WINDS UP, YOU KNOW
WHAT HE DOES?
HE GOES INTO ANOTHER ROOM WHERE THERE'S A
WEDDING GOING ON, BECAUSE THEY ARE PAID GUESTS.
YOU ARE THE
PRESIDENT!
SCREW YOUR PAID GUESTS!
RIGHT?
NO, HE COMES OUT
AND HE SAYS I SAW THEM OUT ON THE LAWN TODAY, I SAID TO THE
PRIMACY OF JAPAN, COME ON SHINZO, LET'S GO OVER AND SAY
HELLO.
COME ON, SHINZO, LET'S GO OVER AND SAY HELLO.
THAT'S PRIME
MINISTER SHINZO ABE. AND THEN HE SAYS, BECAUSE HE HAS NO TACT AND
NO FILTER, HE ADDS AT THE END ABOUT THE COUPLE GETTING
MARRIED, THEY'VE BEEN MEMBERS OF THIS CLUB FOR A LONG TIME.
THEY'VE PAID ME A FORTUNE.
THAT'S WHAT HE'S WORRIED ABOUT.
IF NORTH KOREA LAUNCHED AGAINST SOUTH KOREA OR JAPAN, MILLIONS
OF PEOPLE WOULD DIE.
THAT'S AS SERIOUS AS A HEART ATTACK.
AND
THIS GOOFBALL IS WONDERING WHO PAID HIM A FORTUNE AT MAR A LAGO
AND WHETHER THEY ARE GETTING THEIR MONEY'S WORTH BY GETTING
TO SEE NATIONAL SECRETS HAPPENING RIGHT IN FRONT OF
THEM.
UNBELIEVABLE.
JESUS, AMERICA.
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?
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