hey he belongs
oh boy it's been a couple weeks since
I've seen you guys some of you guys been
worried about many others have not even
notice I'm gone but I no matter what
side of the fence you fall on you know
the reason I make these personal videos
these public therapy sessions right as
we call them here I every so often it's
not just because I snap and I break
click click track how many of you
guessed it did you get click click that
last night on my brother I was like to
know how hard it has been like a couple
weeks since I've been honest has been
being introspective I go this last one
is ever wake up and you're not sure why
you're not feeling good or something
like guys like all that that's a cry for
help just not when I SL it's not really
what I intended to do but after you know
going back and looking at it and the
duration of time in which I didn't tweet
or do anything I've got like a goodbye
cruel world posted on the forehead
anyway um not the case I just needed a
couple weeks to like I said just be a
little introspective because I noticed
the problem that I was having and the
reason that i do these videos like I
started to tell you was for two reasons
really well because first of all I think
when you have an issue labeling it and
bringing it out on the table and talking
about it i openly kind of stripped of
its mystery and therefore renders it a
little less powerful over you you know
it kinda like when you when you're aware
of your problem
it's the first step in solving the
problem you got a first label it you
know and then you have to go through and
i will why is this happening
second of all the reason that i like to
talk about it so publicly is because
when I exposed myself people feel better
and what I mean by that is when I think
my generals out generally people have a
good time now that you know what i mean
by exposing myself is emotionally and I
I want to become
more vulnerable because it's very
connecting and you realize how similar
we really are because i think that
there's there's a number of problems and
things that I suffer from that I'm not
necessarily the poster child for when
you think of that issue or that disorder
and I think that it's really helpful in
connecting I don't know it's something
we do with humans like your alley and
you came to this planet have you have
counseled about life to be like oh and
you learn things you tell others about
it why I don't know nice makes the world
a better place people are happy blah
blah blah show this is what i've
recently I found out about myself in the
two weeks a little mental journey i took
of introspection introspection
introspective it was an introspective
journey into thy self and basically i
will i'll tell you exactly what happened
cut a few weeks ago we just take it back
remember I told you a few videos ago I
got rid of everybody fired everybody I
want all of you brand-new shed well long
story short in the span of one week it's
pretty amazing
I had three meetings three very big
agencies arm and all three of them sign
tonight I know which is amazing these
got paradigm in Beverly Hills
representing me feel like unscripted TV
I've got innovative representing
commercially and then i've got i just
signed with awesomeness TV i'm sure you
guys know that the big YouTube network
and they just brought me on as well to
possibly develop serious with me
so this is all very exciting for great i
was super stoned on more like we're so
excited to work with you I was partying
I was excited i was so this is something
to celebrate a turning point in the
career is exactly what I wanted I
couldn't believe that it was like the
first month of the year and exactly what
I wanted to happen happened and all of a
sudden everything was going great and I
with you just look it up
you might as well get up now and I went
ok
why is this happening like I had I had
to get pictures taken and i have a photo
shoot that I pushed off like four days
like I just kept cancelling and pushing
it because i couldn't smile kind of hard
to do a photoshoot if you can't buy up
the camera arm i had a like I wasn't
returning phone calls that wasn't
signing things I had finally finally my
new agent calls me from one of the
biggest agencies right Beverly Hills
goes alright let's talk about this
career let's move to the next level you
know like what are we going to do
let's plan and what did I say that have
a little depressed maybe next week
why I think it was at that moment where
I was like okay you know what this is
this is clearly a USU what's going on
why are you doing this self-sabotaging
which is what i realized it was all of a
sudden these things I kept telling
myself you're not good enough you're
going to screw up there's all this
pressure on you to perform and maybe
they're gonna realize you're full of
shit you're not that funny you're not
funny you're not attracted you're not
funny all these things are fake and go
water these voices in my head what is
going on and it turns out I have a fear
of failure which i think is possibly a
little more common than people realize
because first of all this is something
that's new to me this is a brand new
discovery
this is one of the things that I've
realized has held me back before is that
I I worked my ass off
I feel like I deserve it I get up to the
plate someone starts to hand me
something goes you're right it you
deserve this here let's do this and
that's when I go what if I screw up what
if I fail the biggest thing that I've
taken away and I learned this you know
sheriff and stuff like that this was a
huge tank for me
and it's so simple and it's almost like
you need you know when you actually feel
stupid when something so simple makes
them to you in your life you had you're
like what am I like that
what am I an idiot of course that's how
it is
but what I think you need to remember
when you're having these thoughts or any
of you do this in your life the way i do
where you work for something and then
you get an opportunity and you think
you're going to fuck it up is these are
just your thoughts
it's not reality nobody else in the
world hears or believe these thoughts
that you're telling yourself right now
that's what I needed to realize I didn't
know I knew I knew you're intentionally
trying to fuck with yourself but why are
you doing it and it was because i'm
afraid that i will fail that I don't do
as good a job as people want me to do
and um it's just nice to acknowledge it
I'm not saying it's solved nothin it
won't happen again just saying that's
one of the things that I had to take
away and there's actually there's more
than I i find a couple weeks being like
like I told you very introspective and
thinking about some of my issues and
there's going to be a couple more videos
like this discovery some other
discoveries that ipad but this was the
major takeaway
oh and by the way all three of those
things are back on track i'm all excited
I'm totally signed sealed delivered all
that shit with awesomeness
I'm great paradigm now the photoshoot
with a big success we've got a great
bunch of great pictures innovative happy
so everything back on track but for me
it was just like a red flag where you go
you know what this is really serious
this was something big this is what
you've been working so hard for
come on a that's not how i thought to
myself i hope if I don't refer to myself
as big of it you can do this come up
with armed weird anyway that does that's
a little something that I wanted to tell
you because I know that a lot of you
guys just so you know like I wish I
could be as confident as you i wish i
wish i had the nerve to stand there and
speak to a camera and listen
there is some extremely vulnerable
self-doubting aspects of myself that I
don't want you to feel like i skirted i
didn't i didn't get by those I got a
nice dosage of fear and confidence
issues the times so I don't want you to
see it as a weakness i don't see this is
a weakness i see it is humanizing and
it's something that you know I got to
improve and work on because if not i
will be the only reason I don't progress
if the world and the universe is handing
you opportunities and yours and you're
the common denominator that's screwing
it up
well change that because chances are
you're getting this opportunity if you
do deserve them they're not by chance
so anyway that's your takeaway i hope
you maybe got something out of this and
remember the bad thoughts are think
they're not reality i love you guys lots
i'm happy to be back and I will talk to
you soon thank you for your continued
support
yeah that's it




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