list 26 Swimming in a Mohair Sweater Don�t ask us why; something to do with Bare
Naked Ladies.
See, Having Sex in the Pool, above.
list 25 Swimming two abreast while talking This is little better than sitting at the
end of the pool and talking.
How am I meant to pass you if you're taking up twice the
width of a normal person swimming at me, while going at half the speed?
list 24 Don't Use Alcohol or Drugs Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but drinking
and hot tubbing are not a good mix.
Despite all of those movies scenes depicting characters cavorting in hot tubs
with their favorite beverage in hand, physicians and the ?U.S. Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention (CDC) don't recommend it.
list 23 Cloudy water If a pool's water isn't sparkling and clear,
don't even think about going in.
Not only does this condition suggest poor maintenance,
but lack of visibility itself poses a threat.
Several summers ago, a woman died in a Boston public pool and her body went undiscovered
for 2 days�while swimmers and lifeguards used the pool like usual�because the murky
water prevented anyone from seeing her.
list 22 Cannonballs I secretly wish those who refuse to use the
stairs suddenly find the pool frozen over.
It never happens, but I can dream.
list 21 Having Sex in the Pool
Definitely a bad idea in public swimming pools.
In your backyard pool, it�s up to you � but still maybe not such a great idea if your
pool is overlooked by nosey neighbors.
And not wise if your Great Auntie Maude is in the habit of dropping round unexpectedly.
list 20 Changing Your Baby�s Nappy in the Pool
Yes, yes.
Of course it�s convenient, and being in the water saves a lot of otherwise irksome
bottom wiping, but, for one reason or another, most health experts tend to frown on this.
list 19 Using Ducks to Eat the Bugs off Your Pool Surface
It seems like a perfectly reasonable, cute, and natural, way to keep your pool clean.
Until you remember that what goes into a duck at one end has to come out again at the other.
list 18 swallowing Water Although swallowing a small amount of pool
water is harmless, it's important for parents to realize that ingesting too much can lead
to chlorine poisoning or so-called recreational water illness, according
to Dr. Sampson Davis, an emergency room physician at Meadowlands Hospital Medical Center in
New Jersey.
Kids can also inhale water into their lungs, Davis added, which can lead to a serious condition
called secondary drowning.
list 17 Letting Your Pet Crocodile Swim in the Pool
Plenty of people are happy to have their dogs jump in and swim in the backyard pool.
But if your pet is a crocodile, maybe it isn�t so smart.
list 16 Using Your Pool as a Sheep Dip Tempting as the idea might sound, (a) sheep
dip chemicals are toxic to humans, (b) unless you have a very narrow swimming pool, it�s
hard to manage that many sheep in the water all at once, and (c) pool scoop nets make
lousy dipping sticks.
list 15 Chemicals you know that improperly balanced pool chemicals
can permanently damage your fucking teeth?
My manager once got lung burn from improperly handled acid.
list 14 More Dangerous For Children Heads up, parents: A 3-year-old cannot swim.
I know you don't go swimming to contemplate your toddler's fleeting mortality, but that's
what you'll end up doing if you let them wander off.
list 13 Drowning Doesn't Look How You Think There's a common misconception that a drowning
person is going to be flailing their arms and shouting for help,
But usually they'll be silent because they've already taken on water.
A drowning person is vertical, usually straight up and down.
If someone is swimming, they're at least semi-horizontal, unless they're treading water.
list 12 BRAIN-EATING AMOEBA Naegleria fowleri, a heat loving amoeba, is
usually harmless, but if it gets up someone�s nose, the amobea can be life-threatening.
It�s not entirely clear how or why, but it attaches to one of the nerves that
takes smell signals to the brain.Naegleria fowleri can be found in pools, hot tubs, pipes,
hot water heaters, and fresh water bodies of water.
list 11 E. COLI In a Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
(CDC) study of public pools, researchers found that 58 percent of the pool filter samples
were positive for E. coli�bacteria normally found in the human
gut and feces.
(Ew!)
"Even though most cities require pools to be closed when someone's kid goes number two
in the pool, the majority of pools I have worked for just add a little more chlorine.
list 10 1 in 5 of your friends has peed in the pool
Not you (obviously), but the CDC surveyed 1,000 adults and 20% admitted to having peed
in the pool.
Even at half a liter per tinkle, it should be enough to never open your mouth in a pool
again.
list 9 Like, a LOT of poop Humans have, on average, .14 grams of fecal
matter on their butt when they enter the pool and can easily contaminate the water.
Multiply that by the hundreds of people who visit the pool every day and you've got almost
a full turd floating around.
list 8 Swimmer�s Ear will make your ears ooze puss.
Swimmer�s Ear occurs when water and bacteria get stuck in your ear.
Imagine swelling and pressure in your ear that creates a steady ooze of exiting puss.
list 7 People are dirty when they enter the pool.
A 2012 survey by the Water Quality and Health Council concluded that 43% of Americans don't
shower before getting into the pool.
Somehow they think that the chlorine with automatically make them clean.
list 6 don't shower before they swim It might seem counterintuitive to shower before
jumping in the water, but otherwise the pool basically becomes a giant bathtub of dirty
bodies.
"Showering both removes the bacteria and fecal matter from your body and it also rinses off
all the sweat and products which will deplete the chlorine
list 5 swim diapers leak.
There's a reason why baby pools exist � and it's not just for safety.
"The fact is that swim or water diapers just don�t work � we've done countless studies
using sand and food coloring and we know it seeps out no matter what,"
list 4 spent a ton of money, and it�s time to show it off
Did you just add a waterfall or slide to your pool?
Did you re-tile or add a salt system?
Even if you just got a bunch of new exciting pool toys, your investment only pays off once
everybody you know is in there enjoying it!
list 3 Your pool finally isn�t green anymore Just because you dumped a bunch of chemicals
into the swamp in your backyard doesn�t mean it�s time to throw all of your loved
ones into a chemical bath� make sure your friends hair won�t turn green after 5 minutes
in your pool, or they will never forget it.
list 2 It�s time to get your weekly bath in
One way to get people to notice you (not in a good way) is to get into the pool and a
large brownish cloud forms around your body.
Do all the party guests a favor and don�t wait until the next pool party to take a shower!
list 1 hire lifeguard services
Pool parties should be fun.
But without strict supervision, activities in or around a pool�especially when involving
youngsters�can be dangerous and risky.
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