-Happy holidays. -Happy holidays to you, as well.
-It's you, Dolly Parton. That's a great show right there.
-I mean, come on. -You can't beat that.
Are you a Dolly Parton fan? -No, I'm so mad at Dolly Parton.
-Hey, what are you talking about?
-No, no, no. I'm mad at Dolly Parton.
I'm so angry with her. I, uh...
Is this the right way to start the segment?
-No, no! Not at all! [ Laughter ]
-Oh, I'm so mad at --
A lot of people feel this way about Dolly Parton.
She's not a popular figure.
[ Laughter ]
-What are you talking about?
She's the most beloved person people have heard.
-No, she's the best. She -- But I went to Dollywood
about 20 years ago on a road trip
with my girlfriend at the time.
Big part of the road trip, we were gonna go to Dollywood.
And we got there, and it was raining, and it was closed.
And I'm so mad at Dolly Parton now.
[ Laughter ] -You can not --
-No, I was gonna do a whole Hollywood --
I was gonna do a whole Christmas medley with you,
and then Dolly Parton shows up,
and all of the sudden, she's gonna sing with you?
It's like, what are we -- what are we even doing here?
You know what I mean? [ Laughter ]
-I mean, uhhh... -Uhhh...
-Who's one of the great American treasures?
You know? -Y-Y-Y-You...
Or is it Dolly Parton? -It's Dolly Parton, you know?
-Yeah, yeah! [ Both muttering ]
[ Laughter ]
Nick, we love it when you come by.
Happy holidays. -Thanks.
-Do you like the holidays?
-I do, and I'm still not wearing socks.
-That was never your thing. That was never your thing.
It never came up on our show ever.
I -- I do love the holidays.
-Oh, yeah? -Yeah.
-Yeah. -But I don't -- no more gifts.
-What are you talking about? -No more gifts.
No more gifts on the holidays. No more.
-You got to give the gift. -No, no, no.
No, no, no. No more gifts.
Are we doing "Seinfeld"?
Is this just "Seinfeld" right now?
-"What do you mean no more gifts?!"
-"I don't want them anymore! No more gifts!"
-"Oh, Jerry, you better give gifts."
[ Laughter ]
"Oh, you gotta give gifts." [ Laughter and applause ]
-What did -- By the way...
Just to be clear, what a generous man.
This guy does the best
"Seinfeld" impression in the world.
I do Seinfeld, he switches over to Kramer.
I mean -- [ Laughter ]
[ Both stammering]
"No more gifts, Jerry."
[ Laughter ]
I switched to George. -Now you're doing George.
-No, no, George... No more gifts, though.
-Yeah, yeah yeah. -And then Elaine.
And then, of course, Elaine.
And then of course, the Mark Twain Prize.
[ Laughter ]
-You're not giving gifts anymore.
-No. -Hey, happy holidays.
-Thank you. Oh, my God. Happy holidays.
I'm not giving any gifts. We're resetting.
-What? [ Laughter ]
-Well, how many -- Do you have a big family?
-I have 12 nieces and nephews. -Oh, no.
-So it's done. No more. I'm not doing it.
I gave like -- I gave my father a Hanukkah present,
'cause I don't know if my face was clear enough,
but I'm Jewish. [ Laughter ]
What if we get a profile shot?
We got a profile shot of this one.
-Yeah, there you go. That's great.
-Yeah. -Happy Hanukkah.
-Thank you so much. Thank you.
Honestly, thank you so much, honestly.
But I gave my dad a Chia Pet in high school,
like, thinking it would be funny.
Like, my dad would have, like,
a high school stoner's sense of humor.
[ Laughter ]
-What would he do with that thing?
-He hated it. -Of course.
-And he was like, "What, you're giving me
something else to take care of?" [ Laughter ]
So, since then, no more gifts. And no more gifts for weddings.
I don't give people gifts for weddings.
-Dude, come on now. -No.
-That's taking it to a different level.
-Why not? I show up.
I'll dance with your aunt to James Brown songs.
Like, I'm doing my job.
Either way, I'm so mad at Dolly Parton.
[ Laughter ]
-What's your problem, man? You come out with an attitude.
-I'm so angry with Dolly Parton.
And I know you guys are not on board with this bit,
but I just want you to know -- [ Laughter ]
-You come out here, you're like, "Ey! Ooh! Ugh! Oh!"
-So mad -- Excuse me.
I'm so, so angry with Dolly Parton.
-You could just what?
-For years -- I could just -- -Say it.
-Curl up and hug her and listen to her music
and be enamored with her. -No, no.
You're supposed to say what you do when you're angry.
-I would -- I would, you know,
listen to the "Dumplin'" soundtrack.
I'd be so angry. [ Laughter ]
-Oh, God. I can't believe this.
-I do love dumplings, though. All jokes aside.
-No, it's not about -- [ Laughter ]
It's not about that at all.
-I do straight up love dumplings.
-I understand that, but this movie
has nothing to do with food at all or anything.
-Maybe it should.
Maybe then I could get on board with Dolly Parton.
-No, stop this. [ Laughter ]
Stop. Get off of this. So, no more gifts?
-No more gifts. [ Laughter ]
Gifs, though -- I'll give people gifs, like, on my phone.
-Oh, a G-I-F. -Yeah, a G-I-F.
-Oh, that's nice.
-You know, like, a fat little dude on a...
[ Laughter ]
...sliding on the -- -Sliding down?
-Yeah, yeah, yeah. -Yeah, that's a pretty good gif.
-I'd give that gif.
-That's a pretty good gif. -Yeah, man.
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