yeah this amazing power to move people
not just to think but to feel when do
you realize you had the ability to do
that I think everybody has the ability
to feel right you know that that wasn't
a great gift I think I just feel so much
and I feel so much what people feel um
when my youngest son a number when I was
really young you than it came in he
bring his friend to go watch my dad
watch this movie and I'd be like you
know don't open the door I just can't
help myself I feel what they feel it so
that produced a lot of driving me to
help people when they're paying if I
feel their pain and even when I was a
little kid I mean my mom reminded me
when I was like 4 years old in this
backyard there was a woman next door I
used to call young lady and she was 80
years old but you know seeing her light
up when I called her young lady I got
hooked on at 4 or 5 years old so I loved
that and because I'm driven for that my
lifetimes going about how to help people
how to help people achieve what they
want breakthrough discover things and
you could be an idiot if you spend three
or four decades in my case in three and
a half decades now you know being
obsessed about that and then when you
get rewarded all the time because people
you know keep are incredibly generous
when they feel like you've touched their
life they send out a lot of love and I'm
a love bug so I got hooked on that at a
very early stage of life and I still AM
specialize in a lot of different area
business politics or it's all kinds of
areas of all the areas what's the most
challenging to move people to move
people to be active in their own rescue
state chairman active new in rescue unit
will self from history that way go down
the Colorado River the whole nother
story
everybody has their hooks everybody's
different Peter um you know some people
it's their business their finances you
know that gets hooked it's like your
identity is tied to that for other
people at their body they just feel like
it's impossible they can't change
anything they and they're going to
learned helplessness where they just
have literally learned that they're
helpless they can't do anything about it
because they failed so often but if I
had to pick one that probably is most
fraught for people overall it's really
intimate love and romance because you
can control your business to some extent
you can control you you can control your
finances to some
extent right by your choices but you can
do everything you want to do in an
intimate relationship and it can still
blow up in your face because you can't
control other than your being and if you
could you have no relationship so and I
also think that if there's a story that
all human beings have it's the story of
fear we all have what we're after but
everybody has fears and I've been with
you know 4 million people now from a
hundred countries over these you know 33
34 years I've been involved with people
now and I can tell you all roads lead to
Rome whatever you're afraid of you're
afraid of failing or succeeding or
whatever the case be it really comes
down to a fear that we're not enough and
if we fear we're not enough our ultimate
fears if we're not enough we won't be
loved who can produce that fear you more
than somebody who's loved you crave
somebody that you really want them and
they all of a sudden don't love you as
much anymore it crushes the soul so most
people have these plans like I'll be
successful and then I'll know him and
not regardless of what someone else does
to me or you know I'll be strong enough
for physically beautiful enough but of
course all those things are relative and
under the last so getting people to have
the courage and the faith to realize
they're there is no security in life and
there's no security relationship there's
only way you can contribute there's only
what you can create and getting people
to that place is not an easy thing to do
but when they do it it opens up a whole
new universe because when somebody's in
love you know what's wrong with your
life you know nothing you know what a
beautiful morning doesn't matter you're
silly as hell but when they don't have
that love in their life and everything
else is going well they still come to
that empty place inside at the end and
that's the place where the most
successful people on earth live and
clients of mine you know everybody
thinks it's so incredible that's where
they're lonely still very often and
that's the area that got to really begin
to help someone do they usually have a
story that happens to them very young
which is kind of a Baxter assemble
element that is still present in them 10
20 30 years later and preventing them
from exercising those doubts well
nothing's preventing them but they
choose to go back to that story right
because how many stories we have in our
lives
but we have certain seminal months that
have so much emotion wrapped up into
them so much pain so much hurt or so
much excitement that they shape us and
everybody's got those I always say
change your story change your life
because whatever your story is becomes
the shaper if all your perceptions what
you're going to try or not try do or not
do the problems most people are so
addictive telling that same story over
again it does become their prison so the
answer is yes I think the oldest story
is that all of us were loved
unconditionally we were born you know
that even if you thought you had the
worst mother in the world because you
know if the baby doesn't have someone
willing to love them that is means take
care of them above their own needs
there's no rewards for a mother who at
off or all that stuff for a father who
and I we feel it because we're on drugs
we got oxytocin in our bodies news were
a woman's pregnant or fathers there you
see this child that biochemistry changes
in us and we love that thing you know it
looks like a lizard right doesn't matter
we know it's our kid so but that doesn't
last forever there's a stage in your
life where you could yell scream throw
stuff smack people and you still were
taking care to love it then there's a
day when that oxytocin wears off and
suddenly somebody yells at you or hits
you or even worse ignores you and that's
the moment when the ultimate story is
what do I do to get that attention back
what do i do get that love and so some
people you know they suddenly try to
crawl or walk everybody goes with
Johnny's walking and the story of I'm an
achiever I do things son significant
enough to get attention to love some
people break stuff and people come and
they learn I destroy stuff that's my
story then I'll get unconsciously with
love some people you know they go to
make some noise and everybody laughs
make some noise a comedian born so that
story that experience becomes the story
of what I've got to do when I feel
uncertain that I'm significant enough to
be worthy of attention and love in this
life and I'm oversimplifying it
obviously because we've had a lot of
theories of stories in our life but if
we can go back and reclaim who we are
today instead of living an old story
everything in your life changes and
that's a part of what I do I would call
the President of the United States
calling you remember you were going to
see Princess Diana and Gorbachev all
these people are extremely successful
extremely talented
did they all have backstories that ran
them did they all have some element in
them despite their success it was still
in the back of the head still telling
them you're not good enough you are good
enough for some some element of their
life that wasn't working because of that
well I don't always get the call because
somebody's got you know some emotional
problem or challenge you know when the
president called you gave me a lot of
crap for what I said to him at the time
which was I said something like you know
I'm really appreciate if you're calling
and but I'm not a fan at that stage so
as you still want to hear from me I'd
love to come and do some coaching with
you so I was rather directly to him but
know everybody's got parts of their life
that shape the way they look at today
and how they do it today everybody knows
everybody has a backstory multiple
backstories questions which one's
running you now but when I'd say the
common back stories of a successful
people is Holger something produced
drivin them if you say what the
difference in human beings and how they
perform and how they show up it's not
intelligence or ability and find
somebody have plenty of intelligence and
ability they don't maximize we can't
fight the way of a paper bag and then
you find this other person to find this
home inside you have it I have it almost
anyone we know who has done something
they're proud of in their life where
they feel good about their life they had
to get through all the obstacles they
had to get through their own limiting
stories and so they had to be something
they wanted more that hunger often comes
from the story of frustration or pain or
desire and finding that touchstone and
igniting it because how you often can
take somebody who's not driven in hungry
and really under the chinchilla
you think that people are empowered when
they hear that somebody of that stature
also has some of those same problems of
some of those back stories that are in
the capital it's a great question um
some people are some people use it as a
reason to hang on to the Rope story
right because they go bill clinton has
that experience al is you know Tony
Robbins has that experience and what the
heck am I going to do and that's that's
part of the challenges I remember one
time I was fascinating my own sister
something was going on it was
challenging and everything else I said
you know how come you didn't call me
and she goes well you're 20 Robin's like
what exactly goes well you can handle it
you know I was going through a really
rough situation I have some experience
where my boys I send Josh one time he's
a little dad your Tony Robbins right
people make up this story because they
don't know the wheel backswing and even
I know each other's back stories you
know I know that we didn't just show up
this way and we've had a lot of gifts in
our life foot we've paid the price to do
it and we found a way to add value
throughout life and that's why we have
the privilege to be here but if you
start thinking that everybody's messed
up and it gives you excuse this game s
not versus my view is let me tell you
what these people overcame to be where
they are that's what I'm more interested
in so that you and I have something to
aspire to because stories will give you
some form of aspirations of inspiration
or they give you an excuse to stay where
you are even make it worse when I see
you on stage or on television on any you
know interviews you always feel on
purpose full of enthusiasm full of you
know appreciation for the gifts was
there anything that you were insecure
about when you were growing up that you
felt oh my god this is going to discus
crippled
you know yeah or it was something that
you one thing but how many of the one
things you want
um now here I I have trained myself with
certainty not just with stories by
focusing on when I did succeed in
building those stories but honestly by
building into my body that certainly
physically like driving into myself I
had so many fears I mean I had
minestrone soup acne on my face in high
school I didn't feel attractive those I
was 5-1 my sophomore year in high school
that's not gary thought it has a scary
creatures in a year well the Nick the
guy that met you a year later natural
scary thought oh well what's the scary
thought of you know I was with you when
I found out you know I had a tumor that
made me grow like that and I have no
idea so you know if you go from five one
to six foot six to now six seven people
say what's the difference I always say
personal growth but it was a lot of
personal growth right I mean like not
only physically going through but what I
went to mentally and emotionally to make
that happen and so I had I was a little
guy I wasn't that strong I had quite a
mouth I wouldn't take squat from anybody
and I seen your guy come to me and get
in my face but I had a valve only when
take it but I was slow and not that
strong not a good combination
I think but I overcame that mostly by
saying in the end if I find a way to add
enough value to somebody else's like I'm
totally sincere in raw they may doubt it
all they want but if I do that for year
after year decade after decade
eventually I want to get to know him and
my life is kind of pan that out this a
large number people millions of people
I've ever served that way many of what
you thought idiot was motivated a big
guy but then they see me working worked
my guts out for someone and really
create results day after day year after
year and they started to go maybe the
guys you know the real thing you know
that's people get the judge set by
results rather than by discussion I do
that yeah I did that I told you my story
that is done and all I started another
and that's what have another time then
finally so vulnerable moments I I did I
got to when I was bowling revolted that
was the right but very long as what is
it
needy that's what you need yeah and so
yeah I do think that's true the
interesting element is that sharing the
fact that you can you know perfect and
born that way and we're ready to go
you're ready to go from the go yeah it's
important because I think most people
don't realize that they have the ability
to tell a different story to transform
themselves well the best way is not for
me to tell my story
you know that's something place that's
not my goal my goal is I think you know
is to show people actually making that
change happen you know when I do a film
and you see this person stand up and
they're suicidal and then you watch me
turn around and then the people do to
follow up three years later five years
later you see this person's life still
change when people see that over and
over again or they see relationships
come together that are ending or they
see guys that were struggling in
business and now they're guys so
successful and they saw the moment it
happened and they see the follow up and
they hear from the guy then it starts to
penetrate people that there's no free
lunch but there's some strategies that
can accelerate your growth massively and
your sense of fulfillment your sense of
enjoying because if you succeed but
you'll have to filled you failed so
those are the two missions that I'm
trying to do not so much of my story but
with thousands actually millions now
stories of other people well as a
storyteller one of the magic things that
I watched you in the audience I learned
from you was that you're a great story
literate in other words the idea is that
you don't just hear people you get
people and when people feel that have
gotten that they've really heard in that
unique way empathetically they engage in
a different way yeah is that a talent
that you learned or you just felt you
had or did you did you really work on it
or was it something that you perceived
and how important is that skill in a
creating a relationship that is success
well aren't your last question last a
lot of questions there how important is
it to be able to really listen I mean I
think communication is hearing what's
not being said and if you don't have
that all you do is take the words you're
going to have a disastrous intimate
relationship you're going to probably
have some really disastrous business
relationships because most people don't
speak what they're really feeling or
saying most the time they're either
scared - afraid - or they're hiding
their agenda because they have another
agenda and most of us have a pretty big
DS filter in the world we live in today
but it's more than that it's not saying
where they'd be asking me it's saying
what are they really feeling what's
underneath this what's really going on
and that's really important to me I
don't care if they be audiences you know
thirty thousand person audience if
they're advertised the audience they did
yesterday is like less than 3,000 people
on saygus it was salesforce.com it's a
business group this long room as far as
you can see you know over there at the
Wynn Hotel and I'm on these big screens
while there's guys way in the back how
do you get the gun back I get off the
stage
and I'm proud I walk through the crowd
I'm there I'm talking because what I
want to do is I want to look in your
eyes and I want to feel what's going on
see it I want you to know I'm not some
guy over there on the stage it's just
talking at you I'm gonna engage you in a
moment I can strike and have that
conversation and so produces a different
energy in that room it's not some
passive listening and it's not with me
either the minute they speak I'm now
zeroing in on what they're feeling and
I'm also saying how does it cool else
did this relate to in the room and how
can I use their story to help other
people simultaneously so if you ask me
the listening part is better than the
storytelling part you can entertain
people as a storyteller but you can
transform people if you can really
understand what their needs are listen
and sometimes just listening alone
people's lives can change when you're on
stage or when you're dealing coaching
people directly how important is it to
really be interested in who you're
talking with as opposed to being
interesting I think that what if
anybody's honest knows answer that
question right but knowing the answer
and behaving that way that's a big
difference right we all know that if
you're interesting you might have a
relationship that's on the surface but
if you're interested you're going to go
deep because you're going to follow up
and ask questions and the person is not
just going to feel gotten or some fancy
term they're going to feel that real
action that's happening can we live in a
world where there's so little raw
reality reality television we all know
is bullshit right so what is real
anymore and those people are so good at
presenting that I think most people they
brother see the screw up they'd rather
see a presentation that's not as refined
so they know there is something that's
real underneath it but I think if you're
interested in them you don't have to
work on the presentations I because
people can see the start stops that are
really real and more importantly they'll
feel that connection with you so you
know your your whole thesis in life is
understanding that the stories what
drives everything life it's what drives
the influence of that human being but
the understanding of that person's story
is more important than your ability to
formulate your story that's why I think
in your book one of those Bible thanks
Peter is the back story because
sometimes you can find that back story
in advance sometimes you can't but if
you're watching and listening and asking
questions the back story will show up
right in front of your eyes if you're
engaged with that person if you've got
some rehearsal it'll talk you're going
to do you're going to be in your head
instead of being here I caught up time
if you're an up time I'm in you now to
do that I have to know enough things and
have a large enough bank account things
I've investigated or I understand or
I've talked about that I don't have to
worry about what I'm going to say I've
got so many like you've got so many life
experiences that I have a good idea what
I want to talk about but then when we
get here it changes when I was in so far
the other day I had this whole thing I
designed and I'm a I'm a nut so I think
things through I design and I never do
when I design my team it's the big job
you John this man I dropped the script
because my stuff out there I'm here and
go nope that's not what's needed right
now and that's also I'm never bored I'll
be bored out of my mind about 33 34
years doing this stuff and I was doing
the same stuff I've got pieces I know
work stories are examples I'm not even
planning to use it but when I get out
there I could see no something else and
so it becomes art and alive instead of
some Devoy you have a tape recorder
otherwise imagine that's right well you
know it's great she said the whole thing
you have to prepare ferociously rocha
and then you're going to drop your
script because you want the spontaneity
you want the aliveness you want the
ethnicity of things happening up but
when you see somebody telling their
story and you are decoding it or the
a businessperson if they're not
authentic does it shine too no matter
what they say well I'd love to say yes
but I'm I know I've gotten the world
full of lies so that would be a lie but
I would say most of the time at this
stage of my life I'm pretty good at that
and I think most of us are only because
unfortunately we've all been
disappointed so many times that we have
a little part of ourselves it's like
it's all BS and unfortunately that can
become a filter you not actually seeing
somebody experiencing somebody because
you have all your presuppositions right
you're running your life instead of
being here now but I'm a little bit more
trusting so I probably stay with it a
bit longer and I've had so many people
you know make up a story about me and
never met me because I'm also my style I
talk rapidly and that's just me I'm
passing you know you know I get together
it's like I've ever been you know other
people stand around and watch the two of
us and you go have lunch here but both
the house or go skiing or whatever and
so I love that I love the speed of our
interactions my brain works so fast so
some people don't trust that it's fast
talking salesman is there metaphor for
it as opposed to a passionate set about
something you know that I really have
I'm going to CENTAC son of a bitch I
love you thank you a lot love you so
much
[Music]
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