- Hello.
And welcome to
another episode of The Shirtless Painter.
- [Man Voiceover] And that's when it happened.
I froze.
Like a dear in ice water.
Completely unable to introduce my own painting show.
It was as though I'd suddenly forgotten all those years
I'd spent painting shirtless on the internet.
And eventually some place like Netflix or IFC.
As panic set in,
I desperately tried to remember the line.
Anyone can paint and anyone can paint anything.
- Hey I'm sorry. Who's saying that stuff?
Oh look.
Hey everyone its my good friend and fellow artist,
Mr. Daniel Stern.
Hey Danny.
- Hey shirtless, how are you?
I was just rehearsing for a play I'm in.
It's about a painter who pees the bed.
- Wow. Sounds pretty interesting.
Hey since you're here,
we have an extra canvas.
Would you like to paint with us today?
- Okay.
- Okay.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- I think since I now have friends over,
and it sort of turned into kind of a party atmosphere,
I think we might as well paint our idea of a fun party.
If that's okay with you.
- You know I love a party.
- Okay.
Well let's get to it.
I encourage you to take off your shirt
and paint along with us at home.
We're gonna flash some of the colors
we'll be using on the screen.
So feel free to join our party.
Let's go.
- We're gonna flash the screen?
- Well every good party, in my opinion,
needs a ping pong table,
so I'm gonna just start - Oh.
- diving right in and give it a nice ping pong table.
- Hm. Alright.
Well.
- Be sort of the centerpiece of the room here.
- I just,
yeah,
I think I might just do a little more abstracty.
- That's absolutely..
- Are we allowed to do that?
- Absolutely.
- Then I don't think I need this.
I think I need this.
- Sometimes the palette knife is all you need.
- Yeah.
- Sometimes I eat with my palette knife.
- Honestly. - I can see that.
- I'll cut vegetables with it or steak or..
- Yeah.
- Whatever I'm eating.
It really is a incredible tool.
Okay so I've got my main
ping pong table shape here.
- Oh cool. - Just sort od laid that out.
- And it's got texture and everything.
- Yep that's sort of a..
- You're like a professional.
Do you do this for a living?
Are you? - This is all I'm able to do.
Yep, is is sort of my only,
my one and only skill set.
- And how is the, how is it?
The life of an artist.
- You know, it's great.
It's not a fabulous life.
You're not gonna see me on
E! News or anything anytime soon.
I usually paint for a good
12 hours - Wow.
- Then I sleep for 10 and then get up and
do it again. - Do it again.
Yeah that's the way.
And are you making a living at it?
- I am making a living,
yeah I live here in the studio.
They let me crash here,
so that's kinda nice.
- Can't quite afford the shirt yet though?
- It's just one more thing to get paint stains on.
- Yeah but I dig it.
- Alright I'll just go ahead and
add some legs to my ping pong table here.
- Yeah.
Are we allowed to look at each others, or
is it a surprise at the end? - Sure you can sneak.
No you can sneak a peak. - No I can be surprised,
I mean I don't know how you..
- I usually get so engrossed that I..
- Yeah.
- So I don't look until the end.
- At your own thing?
- In a way, yeah.
In a way I'm so zoned out that I'm unable to see.
- You're so in it?
That shows in your work.
- Thank you. - It really, yeah.
- I've heard that before. Thank you.
(laughing)
Feel free to sneak a peak throughout.
Okay great so I've got the
ping pong table - Oh that's cool.
- And were off to a good start.
But I think this party needs some guests.
Every party is about the people.
Let's go ahead and start adding some guests here.
Right off the bat,
I think I'm gonna add some
celebrity guests.
- I think I'm gonna need more paint too.
Do you have any buckets?
- Oh we've got plenty more, yeah.
Let me know what you need.
Oh that looked like a person.
See now I'm inspired.
Here's the lady having a party. Okay.
It presented itself to me.
I think she's sitting in a chair now.
Now we see the form.
This is how a lot of people work.
Here's the woman having the party.
And now I'm gonna give her a purple chair.
What kind of purple is this, shirtless?
What is in the tube there?
- This is a Shirtless Painter brand.
- Here's the back of the chair.
So your name is Shirtless Blick?
I never knew your last name.
- Oh my last name is actually Painter, yeah.
It's Shirtless Painter. - Oh I thought Painter
was the..
More of a nickname. - It is coincidentally
what I do or a living.
But it is legally,
at least now,
it is legally my name.
So if anyone wants,
either send me a letter or sue me or anything,
just make sure you get it right.
- Don't ask for that, my friend.
- Please don't sue me.
I don't have any money.
You can only win my paintings,
which I'll fight hard in court.
- You gotta hold onto your art baby.
- I'd rather go to the chair than lose my paintings.
So don't even try it.
I will see you in court.
Okay so I've been mixing up some different colors here.
I'm just gonna kinda add an eclectic mix of people here.
People and things.
Okay so I'm just adding sort of a
party guest here who's not a person.
Maybe somebody that
is a celebrity. - Oh that's kinda cool.
When there's very little paint left,
if you just kinda..
This is what I like to do.
Just from a distance.
That's looking pretty good actually.
I think I'm onto something here.
- This is an important lesson for everyone.
Sometimes a brush just gets in the way.
- Exactly. - Sometimes you need to get
the paint on the canvas and you don't have time
to screw around with brushes or
anything of the sort.
- You always wanna use one that
doesn't have a lot left in it.
That way you get the real
spit takey kinda thing.
- It's funnier than way.
- Kinda like farting.
- Shh. Edit. Guys edit that out please.
- Yeah you can take that out.
This is a family show, right?
- It is. Absolutely.
- Yeah.
- Sometimes I hear from whole families
who take off their shirts and paint together
and it really.. - Really?
That's a little disturbing.
- That's why I do this.
- This is looking like a party now man.
- So I'm just adding sort of a
party guest here that some of you may recognize.
He's a purple guy. - Oh yeah I forgot
to do the legs.
Legs of the chair.
Sorry. What were you saying, professor?
- Thank you.
I'm just adding a guy from,
you may know him from the McDonald's lore.
- The legs of the chair.
- Can you guess who it is?
- Ronald McDonald?
- He's a good friend of Ronald McDonald.
But he's purple.
And he hangs out with him and he..
I think he's kinda slow.
I think that's sort of his..
- The Cookie Monster guy?
- He's basically that. - It looks like
the Cookie Monster, right?
- He's like the Cookie Monster.
He's the purple Cookie Monster.
We're not allowed to say his real name anyway,
so let's call him the purple Cookie Monster.
- Okay.
- We don't wanna get sued. - This is feeling a little
yellow down there.
You have a lot of legal issues going on it seems like.
- I'm obsessed with being sued.
- I can see that.
Have you been sued?
- I haven't which is sorta why I think
I'm getting nervous about it.
It almost feels like it's about
to happen. - No.
It sounds like you're playing this smart.
- I do try to play it safe.
I mostly keep to myself and paint all day.
- That's good. Just stay inside.
That's one of the lessons.
- Yeah.
- You don't wanna, you know,
make yourself vulnerable.
- No, exactly.
- To people out there.
- So I'm gonna go ahead and add some more..
- White?
- Oh yeah.
White is always great. - Yeah.
Really jumps.
- Really plops.
- This one's got very little left in it.
- That might be a bad.. - No it's..
- That's made up of tubes,
all of them have very little left.
- It means you're working your butt off, Shirtless.
- I really am.
- You're painting all the time and using a lot of it.
And that's one of the keys.
- That's very true. - Oh here it comes.
That sounded like a fart again.
- Uh oh. Shh.
- I never knew painting was so funny.
- Yeah.
- I knew it was fun.
Come on.
There we go. Sorry.
Did I get any on your ping pong table?
- I may have gotten some splash back.
- That happens. - It's okay.
- There we go.
You wanna have balance.
It's about balance.
- So I'm going ahead and adding just sort of my other..
I figure I'll start with the famous guest at this party.
And then just to get it out of the way..
- What celebs do you have coming?
- Well we've got the McDonald's Cookie Monster so far.
And this other celeb you may recognize
from the world of sport.
- Alex Rodriguez?
- Close.
He's involved in a different sport.
But he's retired.
And he has a little mustache that
some people say looks like Hitler.
- I know.
- Can anyone at home guess? - I'm not gonna say it.
- Don't say it.
- You know the black really brings out contrast too.
That's what I like about black.
Is that considered a color?
I thought it wasn't a color.
- Black is..
Some people say that black is the absence of color,
but I just say it's sort of a black color.
That's what I say to those people.
That usually ends the conversation..
- (laughing) I can see why.
- I've never really gotten much further than that.
- Yeah.
Probably good. You know?
You could get sued if you went any further than that.
- Yeah and I don't want.. - Just pull up there.
Play it safe.
- So I'm just kinda adding the face
of our mystery athlete here.
Add his arms.
- This is an interesting tool by the way.
I like to use.
'Cause you can get lots of different
textures with it.
- It's true.
- It's very versatile.
I'm just noticing if you lay it on thick like that,
you get that.
But then,
if you smoosh it out,
it becomes very transparent.
Translucent almost.
- Palette knives.
For a lot more than just mixing paint.
You'll be surprised. - That's right.
- I think a palette knife is a great gift for
a loved one or a spouse.
I usually get my wife a new palette knife every year for..
- Well she needs it.
I hear she goes through them like..
- She goes through them like crazy.
- And she doesn't live with you though.
You live here.
- I live here, she stays.
You know, she keeps an apartment.
More of a traditional apartment.
But I like just to kinda be able..
Cause I wake up in the middle of the
night a lot with ideas for paintings.
- Yeah.
- So this kinda..
- You gotta spring into action when
the moment moves you. - Yeah exactly.
- I do the same with the sculpture stuff.
I just I gotta get it when it hits me.
- Exactly. Or you might lose it.
So if you haven't guessed who my
superstar athlete is yet,
I'll just ad his number to his jersey.
- Which one? 23?
45? - You guessed it. 23.
- Okay.
I'm trying to get other bird up here.
'Cause nothing says a party..
- Like a bird.
That'd be a great commercial for birds.
Nothing says a party like a bird.
Maybe we can talk into getting,
look into getting a sponsorship with birds.
- They have that sometimes but it's more about dead birds.
Chickens and
- Oh chickens, yeah. - Stuff like that.
Cause it is a party with those birds.
- I would love to get..
I don't delve into a lot of advertising on the show.
But if I could work with advertisers like just birds,
lets say it's not a brand but
it's just like a species of animal.
I think that would be kinda nice.
Just get the word out about birds.
- Yeah.
You know you probably like
may contact their agent or something.
- Cause they're probably not gonna deal with you direct.
- Yeah maybe the autobahn society
is maybe who represents them.
Just gonna give our friend MJ a little
basketball in his arm there.
- And we have just a..
I don't know if you can get in tight on that but,
there's a little bit of water dripping from his ear here
but that actually works out nicely 'cause
that's a time saver.
You don't have to paint the earring.
Sometimes what looks like a mistake
is really a pleasant whoopsy.
So just keep that in mind.
- A pleasant whoopsy.
- Yep that's what I..
- Oh is that another trademark thing?
- That's another thing we're
working on getting it trademarked.
But I like to say that there's no mistakes in painting,
only pleasant whoopsies.
So sometimes a mistake ends up being just what you needed.
- You know you could put that on a t-shirt and sell them.
But unfortunately your brand is shirtless.
- Exactly. That's a tough thing
that we're trying desperately to
work on. - Walk a line there.
- We're trying to get the logic to work.
- Where should this go?
I've got a spot.
Well that one's done.
Although using the side was kind of a,
you know,
Anything goes right?
- Exactly.
- It's a party.
- Okay so I've got our celebrity friends here and then,
just in case
anybody wants to get wild at this party,
I think I'm gonna go ahead and provide a chandelier.
Just in case anyone wants to sorta swing on it.
I wonder if I can get sort of a chandelier color going here.
Just have it hang down.
So I'm gonna go ahead and provide some music at this party.
I think that would be kinda nice.
- You know it's interesting that you don't have music here.
When I'm doing my sculpture, the music is rocking
all the time. - That's a great point.
- Why is that?
Or do you not like it?
Is it too distracting?
I love music,
I think we should look into getting some more music here.
I've been told it's a clear a rights issue.
Maybe we could fix that in post.
(laughing) - Maybe we could pipe some in.
- I don't think you can fix that in post.
- I assumed clearance issues were something
you could fix in post. - Oh I see.
- But we'll look into that.
- You might write some original music?
- Now that's not a bad idea.
- Then you could actually be promoting, oops.
Other artists.
- That's a great idea.
- You now other kind of art forms.
- We should really look into that.
- Actually that looks kinda cool too.
Now that I'm looking at it.
That's pretty good.
These are so black.
- So I'm just setting up a little DJ booth here.
- A DJ booth? Now you got a good party going on.
Mines more of a solitary party.
- It's okay.
- In her mind.
- That's quite alright.
- It could also be a form of psychosis
perhaps that I'm displaying.
There we go.
Just a little bit. - That's okay.
- Yeah well that's where parties really happen.
- Exactly.
- In that crazy space man.
- Sometimes you want to party like crazy and
sometimes you wanna party..
Like you are crazy. - Because you are crazy.
- Exactly.
It's okay.
Don't let anyone tel you how to paint a party.
It's completely up to you.
- Exactly.
Got my sorta DJ both here.
You can't have a DJ booth without a DJ.
So I'm gonna go ahead and just add the person
who I think has the best taste in music of anyone I know.
And that person is my wife.
So I'm gonna go ahead and add my wife here.
On the one's and two's.
- I've seen some of your shows.
You had your wife in a lot.
- She makes appearances.
- That's nice. Is she your muse?
- She's sorta my muse.
I look at her all the time so it's just sort of
another one of those time savers where it's easy to..
- Right cause she doesn't live here so it's
probably good that you have images of her around.
- This is kind of a lot, yeah exactly.
I would run the risk of forgetting what
she looks like if I didn't paint her so much.
- Cause again we don't live together.
- And I've been married a long time.
That's not good.
I've had that happen.
- Oh really?
You've sort of forgotten what your wife looks like?
- It's embarrassing actually.
Cause I've bee married close to 40 years.
- Wow.
- And there's no dementia or anything like that.
It's just..
- Sometimes it slips your mind.
- Get so used to, yeah.
I mean cause she's such a changing person, I guess.
Maybe I could save it with that.
She's ever evolving.
And it's hard to recognize her sometimes.
- I think that sounds good and
I think that would hold up in court.
God forbid anyone sued us today.
- Yeah.
- God forbid.
- You really are obsessed with the suing thing.
- I just can't get it out of my mind.
- I know you really can't.
- I just feel like I've had it too easy for too long.
Alright so I'm gonna go ahead and..
- This blue is throwing my vibe off.
What happens when you put it on and you wanna take back?
That's the issue with the paint thing.
In sculpture,
if I make a mistake,
I take the clay off and I restart.
This is like I am committed here.
- Alright so my wife as I said,
is a bit of a party animal.
So today I'm gonna give her some green hair.
Why not? Maybe she had it done.
- Crazy land.
- Maybe she just got it done for..
- St. Patrick's Day. - St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe this is a drunken St. Patrick's Day party
with Michael Jordan and..
- Ronald McDonald.
- Cookie Monster.
Ronald McDonald. - Cookie Monster.
- Oh man.
- And of course my wife.
- Didn't Michael Jordan used to do McDonald commercials?
- You know I think that sounds right.
- This is such a blatant plug.
I think they may have had a sandwich made after him too.
- You're right.
- Some sort of basketball sandwich.
We'll get our research team..
- Are you getting some kinda kick back on this?
- I'm not.
- Okay. Am I?
- Not that I know of but if you are hey, more power to you.
Someone should be getting paid for all these plugs.
- I have not heard about it.
- So we've got my wife on the one's and two's.
Spinning some records here.
Maybe we'll just,
just to kinda let everyone know what's happening.
We'll just ass some music notes there.
And just kind of.
You could just kind of make up whatever music note you want.
As far as I know the little different tails
and stuff on them don't mean anything
so you just sorta go wild.
- They do. They mean things.
- They do mean things.
- Yeah.
- So keep that in mind.
Definitely keep that in mind.
- 'Cause you're saying something completely different
with a whole note than a quarter note.
- I just hope that this doesn't set me up for a lawsuit.
I think it's okay.
- It's okay. - You're allowed to say that.
- You're fine. Really.
- You're allowed to make mistakes, right?
A guy can make mistakes.
So I'm gonna go ahead and add some snacks to the party.
It's gotta be enough for a lot of people.
- McDonald's might be a good snack.
- You know, you might be right.
I think I'm gonna just - Fries.
- Go ahead and add a bunch of fries and
just let everyone eat a bunch of
fries and a bunch of burgers.
- There you go.
- Instead of doing,
this is sort of a wild.. - You're probably getting
paid for with the people you got in your party.
- Yeah I mean maybe one of my guests has
some sort of deal with somebody.
Just to kinda keep things simple and this is not..
- Sorry. Can I just interrupt for a sec?
- Oh please yeah.
- I'm just at a crucial moment here.
And what I'm doing now is trying to
bring the focus into the middle.
This is the subject and here's the party.
But now we're gonna,
through these lines,
mostly with a..
Is this a cadmium red? Yes.
You bring it in.
You wanna bring it in.
You're trying to get that focus
coming towards the subject.
Sorry it was just a teaching moment.
- That's very important. No.
We live for those teaching moments.
- So it's down all towards the subject.
You know how that goes right?
- Absolutely.
Alright so we got our fries and
I'm just gonna add some sort of burgers here.
People can take what they want.
If they are hungry, that's fine.
No big deal.
Its just a loose, fun party.
- I think one of your crew snuck in here and took the black,
nope sorry, sorry guys.
I didn't mean to accuse..
- Guys you're off the hook this time.
- I've heard about..
- But watch it. - Stuff that's gone out.
Yeah.
- Just to sort of drive home that this is a fun party
and that everyone's having a great time,
I'm gonna go ahead and paint a window.
- There we go.
- Just add that and that.
And then outside off in the distance,
I'm just gonna add
just sorta the feeling of police lights.
- (laughing) Oh.
- Just to kinda let people know that..
- And your wife is DJing this party?
- My wife's DJing.
- Oh she is ratcheting it up to 11.
- Yeah things are getting a little out of control.
Michael Jordan's maybe swinging on the chandelier.
We go our off brand Cookie Monster,
Burger Boy we'll call him.
He's causing trouble so the 5-0 is..
- And everybody's high on french fries.
- Exactly. Everyone's eating way too many fries.
And the po-po are on their way.
- Whoops. Sorry.
Oh nice.
You never know at the last minute
a splash of new inspiration hits.
And then turns sour.
I think I screwed that up.
Wait a second.
God darn it!
- It's okay.
- No it's not.
- You get angry with the painting, that's okay.
- I think there's anger in this painting.
I think there's plenty on anger in this painting.
- I think if you're painting makes you
feel different things, that's a good sign.
It can't always be..
- You're right.
- Wine and roses.
You could paint wine and roses and it could go fine.
Or you could paint wine and roses and it could go terribly.
Just keep that in mind.
I just realized I didn't give my wife a body here.
She's just sort of a head and hands
and she would kill me for that.
- Wow. Well then there'd be a lawsuit
involved in that too I'm sure.
- I hate to think of..
- Suing your wife?
- Yeah especially posthumously.
Being dead and you know.
Suing my wife. - But you have to,
I mean if you don't draw the line.
- In that case yeah. - Than what the hell?
- I'd have to.
Sorry hun.
If you killed me, I would hope that someone sued.
The state or.. - I'll be there buddy.
I will be there.
- Danny will take you to court.
And I'm sorry but yeah. - No that's no good.
- Yeah no murder. - We do not kill other people.
- Yeah that's pretty much the one rule on the show.
- Yeah.
- My two rules are there are no mistakes,
and don't kill other people.
- Yeah really.
- Please.
- That's old school.
- Yeah.
- This is the 21st century.
- Yeah it's still, some things still hold up.
It's a classic rule for a reason.
- I think I'm pulling the train into the station.
- Alright great.
I feel pretty good about mine.
The cops are on their way so this feels like
it's about as good a time as any to wrap things up.
- Fantastic.
- Danny I want to thank you so much for coming here
to paint with me today. - It's a pleasure.
- It was really nice. - Thanks for teaching me.
- Running into you. - Yeah.
I'm glad you happen to just be in the studio.
- I hope you come see the play.
- Oh yeah I'd love to. - Yeah.
- It sounds really - It's gonna be great.
- Up my alley.
So I think just to wrap up this fun party,
why don't we go ahead and take our pills and
go to bed. - Yeah great.
- Alright great.
- Good night. Sweet dreams.
- Hey down the hatch.
- Yeah.
- Cheers. - Cheers.
After this kicks in we should do another painting.
- That sounds great.
- Yeah.
- We'll see you next time.
- Bye.
(cheery music)
Where do I sign it?
- Oh just anywhere. Yeah.
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