11 Signs You're Living Outside Your Values .
Am I just struggling or am I doing this wrong?
It is hard to know if we are in the right place, doing the right thing.
Juggling dreams and responsibilities, we work ourselves into a frenzy.
We are just trying to keep our heads above water.
But there is more to life.
I know it.
You know it.
We know it.
There is an itch we are dying to scratch.
The Bible calls it 'the fullness of life'.
The keys to this kingdom are our values.
Living in alignment with our deepest values is the only thing that brings meaning to life.
On the other hand, life is hard.
Even a purpose-filled life has its ups and downs.
Alignment with our values does not negate suffering and the need for perseverance.
So, how do we know if life is hard or bad?
How do we know if we should stay the course or find a new one?
Here are 11 signs you might be living outside of your values and a change is in order.
1) Compartmentalizing .
Do you feel like one person at work and a completely different person at home?
Sure we have to adapt to surroundings a bit, but here is the thing:
your values follow you around.
They are tethered to you.
You are always who you are.
Values are transcendent of circumstance and if you feel like your 'true self' in only one arena of life,
it is a sign your other arenas are out of whack with your deepest self.
2) Resentment .
Nothing is easier than resenting authority.
We love to blame.
It is a self-preservation technique.
Bosses can certainly be jerks, but take a step back and a deep breath.
If you are unfairly resentful of those above you, it might be because you are blame-shifting discontent so that
you don't have to face the dissatisfying consequences of your own choices.
3) Comparison .
People who live in alignment to their values love to do what they do.
If you are consumed with measuring others, it might be your values telling you that they are desperate for more.
It is easier to compare the perceived-content in others than investigate what is of deepest value to us and pursue it for ourselves.
4) Drained .
Life is tiring.
There are respites we look forward to.
But if you find yourself in an eternal countdown, you might be living outside your values.
If peace, pleasure, and purpose are all in next month's bonus or next year's vacation or the tic of the clock at the end of the day,
you are trying to escape life rather than living it.
Life is here and now.
5) The Guilty Magician .
One of the most fascinating signs you are living outside your values is when success is not working for you.
Everyone tells you how great you are; your bank accounts are full; it all adds up 'on paper'.
But you feel like a phony.
Like you are getting away with something, living in a 'supposed to' – someone else's dream.
There is nothing wrong with success.
But success outside of your values will always leave you wanting.
Misaimed success can be a great catalyst for change.
6) Boundaries .
If our values aren't driving us, our circumstances likely are.
We will say yes too often because we are trying to find something to connect with.
Or we say no too often because we are afraid of failing or being found out.
If you are blowing back and forth with every suggestion or terrified to try anything at all,
you may be giving too much power to external perceptions and factors.
Boundaries keep us from being too dependent on others and give us the freedom to discover our own unique voice.
7) Claustrophobia .
Feel trapped.
Can't breathe.
The walls are closing in.
You have to get out of the office (or the house, etc.) every day just so you feel like you can breathe.
If you constantly feel shackled, you likely are.
But it is not the circumstances or people around you that hold the key to those locks.
It is you.
8) The Out Clause .
We live in an extremely transient society.
Here today; gone tomorrow.
One of the clever workarounds for living outside our values is to make everything new.
Just work this job for a season.
Just live here for 'a while'.
We always have one foot out the door.
An out clause.
We are terrified of commitment because we are afraid our choices aren't going to serve our values adequately.
This becomes a self-fulfilling-prophecy.
If we cannot commit to something, it may be we need to face our fear and uncertainty.
It may also be that this something does not align with who we are.
9) Can't Get Thankful .
Even at our best, complaining is a constant temptation.
We have been programmed to highlight the negative.
A meaningful life has plenty to be thankful for.
If we are challenged about our negativity and can quickly, and honestly, recognize how much we are thankful for,
we are more likely to be living in our values.
If it is truly hard to be thankful, it may be time for a change.
10) Things .
When we are unsatisfied, we often buy into the concept of more.
We pay our dues for a little more time, a little more money, a few more (or nicer) things.
Things never satisfy.
More is an endless loop.
A lie.
It is easy to get caught topsy-turvy in this cyclone where everything is a means to an end;
except there is no end – it is a means to another means.
11) The Naming .
The last and perhaps most important indicator that you are not living in alignment with your values is that you do not have your values named.
Simply put, you do not know what they are.
As the Cheshire Cat says, 'If you do not know where you are going, any road will get you there."
If you cannot name your values, it is time to do so.
Sit down and figure out the core of what really matters to you.
It is the only way to live in alignment with that core.
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