-Let's get to some news here, guys.
Today, President Trump
said his big meeting with Kim Jong-un might not happen.
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
Trump and Kim have been going back and forth
over where to meet and who will be there.
Even friends group-texting about brunch were like,
"Make a decision already! I mean, come on!"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"I can't make it, man. I got my Little League game."
That's the right, the meeting might get called off.
Apparently Kim Jong-un didn't like Trump's idea
of the two of them riding through the streets
in a horse-drawn carriage.
[ Laughter and applause ]
It's too much.
But Trump wants the meeting to take place.
He said, if Kim Jong-un agrees to meet,
he can guarantee Kim's safety.
Trump promises to test Kim's food before he eats it and...
[ Laughter ]
...keep testing it until it's totally gone.
And he just -- He says he's ready to do that.
[ Laughter and applause ] Yep.
And while Trump was talking about a potential deal
with North Korea today,
he brought up his own experience with making deals.
Watch this.
-You go into deals that are 100% certain,
it doesn't happen.
You go into deals that have no chance
and it happens and sometimes happens easily.
I've made a lot of deals.
I know deals, I think, better than anybody knows deals.
You never really know.
[ Laughter ]
-Kim Jong-un saw that
and immediately pulled out of the meeting.
He was like, "I have no idea what he --"
"You don't know if a deal's a deal's or there's no deal.
That's the deal." [ Laughter ]
I heard that White House aides have told Trump
to switch out his cellphone on a monthly basis,
but he says it's too inconvenient.
Yeah.
Trump's like, "The only thing I switch out
on a monthly basis is my staff."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"And it's no big deal, but it's a big deal,
but it's no big deal."
Well, get this -- this week, a sinkhole
appeared on the White House lawn.
-What? -Yeah.
But after the groundskeepers investigated,
they realized it was just another
one of Melania's escape tunnels. [ Laughter and applause ]
So it's all right, don't worry. It's all -- It's okay.
It's gonna be all right.
Last night was the season finale of "American Idol,"
and the final two contestants, Maddie and Caleb,
revealed that they're dating.
[ Audience "Oohs" ]
And the moment they announced Maddie was the winner,
she turned to Caleb and said, "We need to talk."
[ Laughter and applause ]
♪ I can't believe it's happening to me ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ Some people wait a lifetime ♪
♪ For a moment like this ♪
[ Laughter ]
♪ I can't believe ♪
♪ It's happening to m-e-e-e ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-There was a mistake in the judgment.
[ Laughter ]
-Hey, I want to say congratulations
to Miss Nebraska, who won last night's Miss USA Pageant.
Congratulations.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Well, you know, there were a lot of women
who didn't even get a chance to compete this year.
They just missed the cut.
Well, we wanted to give one of them
a chance to answer some questions
that she would've been asked.
So joining us now, from her home in Akron,
is Miss Backup Ohio.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Hello. Hello, Jimmy.
I am -- I am so smiling to be here.
[ Laughter ]
-Yeah, well, we're -- we're --
[ Laughter ] We're happy to have you.
Are you ready for your first question?
-Yes, so much ready!
[ Laughter ]
-Okay.
Now, everything I'm about to ask you
are all questions from last night's pageant,
so just try your best. -Okay.
-First question --
The Boy Scouts recently decided to accept girls.
Do you feel this is a positive change?
-Yeah.
-What? [ Laughter ]
-Yeah, yeah. Yeah, because --
-Why are you acting defensive? -No, no, I --
-It's not -- This is all fun.
-No, it's fun.
[ Laughter ]
-No, yeah, it is fun, yeah.
-It's fun. -Yeah, don't get --
Don't get mad at me. It is fun.
-No, no, it's fun.
This is fun. It's the Scouts.
-This is fun. This is the Scouts?
-This is -- So -- So, the boys --
the boys, they have their Kentucky Derby cars.
And the girls, they have their cookies.
And when you put them together,
that means everyone's good at knots.
[ Laughter ]
-Here's another question. -Was that good?
You're on your way to a march,
and someone hands you a blank sign and a marker.
What do you put on your sign, and why?
-Oh! This one I am prepared for.
I have a sign -- look.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Yeah, yeah -- I want spag-- okay, yeah.
-I want spaghetti. -Let's just move on.
Let's move on here.
Now, I saw that Miss USA Pageant actually had some contestants
submit their own questions.
Have you submitted a question?
-Oh, yes, yes.
Uh, the following question is actually for you, Jimmy, okay?
-Wow. Okay.
-Okay. What is your plans in five years
to achieve world peace, role models,
and what is your reason for winning?
And if so, why did you children?
[ Laughter ]
-I have no idea how to answer that.
-Congratulations!
That means you're the next Miss Backup Ohio!
-Oh, my goodness!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause intensifies ]
Miss Backup Ohio, everyone. Miss Backup Ohio!
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
Guys, listen to this. Um...
[ Laughter ]
The city of Lake Worth, Florida,
accidentally texted all of their residents a false zombie alert.
[ Laughter ]
People were relieved to learn it was a false alarm.
But then they were like,
"Wait. Why do we even have a zombie alert system?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Is that a thing?"
That is funny -- This is --
[ Laughter ]
This is going viral.
This week, U.S. soccer legend Brandi Chastain
was honored with a plaque in San Francisco.
Now, before we show it you, can we look at Brandi?
There's Brandi right there. She's awesome.
Now, can we look at her plaque?
[ Laughter and applause ]
-Oh! Mickey Rooney.
-Wow. [ Laughter ]
Well, after the unveiling, Brandi put out a --
[ Laughter ]
Brandi put out a statement that said...
Then, Brandi's plaque spoke up and said...
[ Laughter and applause ]
Then, this weird statue
of soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo was like...
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Pert of the clerb."
Then, this old plaque of Elvis Presley was like...
[ Laughter ]
And, finally, this statue of Lucille Ball
showed up and said...
[ Laughter and applause ]
Guys -- Unbelievable.
-What is that? -I don't know, man.
I don't know what that photo -- that plaque is based on.
-Looked like a 75-year-old man!
[ Laughter ]
With the hair parted down -- Look at that!
[ Laughter ]
-It is -- it's Mickey Rooney.
-Yeah, it looks like Mickey Rooney.
-It's Mickey Rooney, star of stage and screen.
[ Both laugh ] -His neckerchief!
[ Laughter ]
-I got to see it again. It's unbelievable.
-Looks like Aunt Jemima, maybe. Look at that.
-Oh, my gosh.
That's just fanta-- [ Laughter ]
-She's not smiling! She's, like, grimacing.
She's mad!
[ Grumbling ]
"Get off of my lawn, you kids!"
[ Laughter ]
"I'm keeping this ball!"
[ Laughter ]
-Guys, get this -- yesterday, a baboon escaped from a flight
and got loose at the San Antonio Airport.
Luckily, he was caught after he got trapped
on the moving walkway behind someone
who wouldn't step to the side. You know those people.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And, finally, someone in Ohio called police
and said that they were being followed down the street
by a pig and weren't sure what to do.
When officers arrived, they said,
"Ma'am, that's just your Tinder date."
You guys, we have a great show!
Give it up for The Roots!
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