-You guys, this is our 1,000th show.
♪♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
I'm not sure what's crazier -- that we've done 1,000 shows
or that the government has been shut down
for almost all of them.
I don't know... I don't know what's weirder.
That's right. It is day 33 of the government shutdown.
And experts warn that if it continues,
the economy might not grow in the first quarter.
President Trump said, "That's okay.
We'll make up for it in the 5th and 6th quarters."
[ Cheers and applause ]
And did you guys here what's going on
with the whole State of the Union thing?
First Nancy Pelosi told Trump,
"You can't give the speech in the House."
And then today Trump sent a letter saying,
"I'm doing it in the House."
Then later today Pelosi sent him a letter that said,
"Oh, no, you're not."
She said she won't allow the speech in the House
while the government is shut down,
but he's welcome if they can mutually agree on a date.
When Trump asked Pelosi what date, she said, "February 41st."
"That's perfect for me."
And due to the shutdown, I heard that the State Department
had to cancel a major conference on border security.
When asked if he saw the irony in it, Trump was like,
"Irony, steel. I don't care what metal the wall is made out of.
Doesn't matter."
That's right. Trump is still demanding the wall.
And this morning, he even tweeted out a rhyme about it.
Check it out. He wrote, "Build a wall, and crime will fall."
It's pretty catchy.
It got so many retweets
that Trump's been trying out some other rhymes.
-Really? -Check this out.
He also tweeted, "Keep your friends close,
watch your enemies closely,
but don't make me talk to Schumer and Pelosi."
[ Laughter ]
Then he tweeted, "Not paying TSA agents may be controversial.
But what do I care? I don't fly commercial."
-Wow. -That's true.
And finally he tweeted,
"I know that I hired you for my legal duties,
but please, for the love of God, stop talking, Rudy!"
Just stop talking!
Hey, get this. Trump's former lawyer, Michael Cohen,
is delaying his testimony in Congress
because he says he's been threatened by Trump,
which could actually be witness tampering.
So now Trump's being investigated for collusion,
obstruction, and witness tampering,
or as Robert Mueller put it, "I got bingo.
Bingo! I got it."
Wow!
"I have crime bingo."
Some more news here.
It just came out that Trump posts a lot of photos online
that may have been altered to make him look thinner.
Trump denied the claims
but did admit to doing way too much duck face.
And you can see...
That's right. Photos on Trump's Instagram and Twitter accounts
are sometimes edited to make him look thinner
and to make his hands look larger.
It's a big story, and the President was quick to respond
with a series of statements.
I'll show you what I mean.
First he said, "I would never edit photos of myself
and post them online."
Then he said,
"This story is a total lie, and everybody knows it."
Then he said, "The country is in great shape, and so am I."
And finally he said, "Hands down,
this is the biggest fake news of the year."
At least he's -- -Yeah.
-At least he's sticking up for himself.
-He's communicating, yeah.
-And, finally, did you hear about this?
Flights in and out of Newark Airport were delayed yesterday
when a small drone was spotted flying near the airport.
Then United Airlines said,
"Actually, that's our new basic economy plane."
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots.
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