In this week's video breakdown, we're going to talk about a video where I show how to
deal with people you're talking to that board or a loom or disinterested what do
they say they say so the worst things in the world they say you can love me or
hate me but don't ignore me right or what's the worst thing indifference is
the worst thing you can possibly react with because it is because it shows like
even you can make somebody mad it shows they care you're creating an emotional
reaction and people are only emotionally responsive to people that they feel like
have the same or highest higher social diagram then in case you're not going to
make it to the end of the video I want to jump in here real quick now this is a
very advanced breakdown of nuanced interaction if you're just getting
started and you want to learn the basic skills social nuances things that will
enable you to see what's going on around you socially to feel comfortable around
public you can touch a click up here in the right-hand corner and download my
free social invincibility checklist that'll go through five things that will
get you where you need to be especially something that's something that I
believe very strong and like a bomb is like your you look like terrified shirt
you're like dude can I no reaction but someone who's higher status or equal
status like that shirts not fitting on you you think about that all day because
they're showing you they're telling you with a sub communitive way they not only
don't agree or disagree that they just don't care so like an example the video
I'll play it back right now it overlooks ringing Street and it's getting so busy
you can see it's not that she likes theater doesn't like it she just doesn't
care at all that's the worst you can possibly do it means that you're kind of
meaningless to them so in what clip instance do you feel that you typically
respond aloof ly to guys is that word loosely but you relieve the guys are
people in general like what kind of conversations what kind of approaches
what kind of interactions to you have you found yourself responding in the
loop way well I just don't want anything to do with the guy I don't even want to
give you a positive or a negative because like your sink you will respond
to that mm I don't want to give you anything I
can offer you a bone all so that's like a very like harshest way that you would
possibly interact is just kind of aloof and ignore yeah yeah it's pretty hard so
I know let's decide what that communicated is communicating that she
doesn't even want to put forth the energy or give you a chance to review a
negative response so she's not going to give you anything
it's just icing you out it's cold water yeah like okay I may pop up and try to
start saying something and you're like okay I'm going to like try to be nice to
you if you just keep on then finally it's like I'm done yeah exactly I am
responding right now I wonder though so when you're trying to decide the kind of
guys that you want to talk to you you're interested in carrying a conversation
with your kind of assessing them on a whole bunch of things when they come up
so you can see in that first video I'm coming up and it doesn't matter the
words I'm saying I think the second video use the exact same words but all
my sub communication is so weak what I'm communicating to her is that I truly
don't value myself as high as her I feel like she's higher value than me and it's
being expressed in every piece of my communication I'm not making strong I
tanked up with her my tonality is weak I can you know the supplicated value I
can't give anything you don't like so you have to like me my body language I'm
not even oriented to her because I'm scared of that listen let me tell you a
harsh truth the Hollywood movies were the nerd who continues buying roses and
getting beat up by the bully continues doing it doesn't get the girl that
doesn't happen you need to get confident in who you are you don't need to become
that bully or the high school quarterback no not by any stretch of
imagination but you need a rock-solid confidence in who you are and that's
cool and be the cooler or the cool whatever you are the confident guy and
when you feel that way the communication you express and we talk I think about
this all the time actually I talked about different sub community
of ways the expressive eye contact so now the body orientation all the
different thing but I truly believe that there's other things that we can't
specifically articulate like the energy or whatever it is that's being projected
that when you are confident a girl can just sense that yeah maybe if I go up
and I don't even have the best turnout if I contact but I'm super confident
I bet she's going to feel that of course you want to use all these things to your
advantage but that's just something that you need to get to that point so realize
this the same dude that goes up to talk to you that approaches it in a four way
is it very confident does it use the things that we know work right finality
eye contact body language body rotation you're going to get a different response
so next time you go up and maybe get a neighbor spot don't be bummed up don't
play the girl it's you you're not presenting yourself in the right light
yeah do you think about that I was just sitting here kind of thinking about if
there was a really attractive guy in the bar making out to me and he was like
yeah whoa he's so super good-looking and he comes up he's like hi I'm your night
going that would be the biggest letdown and Creole driver would work with models
yeah guys who were tall work I said incredible job a bunch of dough the guy
said the girls from across the bar like oh I got I hope will come up to me and
he goes up and he approaches weep gone right but then even times we're about
pop up out of nowhere and you just make you feel so good could use that that
confidence President you makes you look comfortable you're like I don't know
what it is about this guy he's not my type I'm sure I once dated a person
that's not their type that's because of the way they feel and how they present
themselves and so I would encourage people if you okay what if you see the
girl that you find attractive talking about that model guy
don't let it save you because you don't know how that conversation is going
right you go be the confident person not that's something that even even I as a
guy know is so hard because intuitively man you think she's with some
six-foot-four yoke dude that there's no chance but that I'm six foot four I've
had guys who are super on like a clubs I having a bad night and feeling terrible
I'm not talking that much and I made around I'm talking some growth I have a
dude who are not Brad Pitt come up and totally tear the attention off me it
happened and it's not because these dudes were taller stronger any of these
attributes that guys are like I need this to get the attention it's not as
much about that so having an understanding that I understand I
understand it's hard to believe it seems so natural like we see big strong dudes
at these girls it's not as important as you think so importantly like along with
what she said even when you see that don't let that bum you out and if you
don't have those common attributes that are commonly viewed as things that guys
need they're not what you eat you need confidence in whatever you are he's an
example I was talking about buddy Addison where summers and breakfast or
morning Vegas we're like okay what if you are of far lower intelligence and
the average guy maybe your short height maybe it maybe sure all these different
things that society is unique and you paint curbs for a living will become the
best curve painter you possibly can be you don't need a Granik you study the
best curve bidders how will you people get promoted what are they really good
at and become so good that eventually people are like out we're going to bring
people around to see this guy as a curve Pater he's the best one you're going to
learn from him we're at is a book about where I put a huge ovide about now when
you go talk about guarantee it may sound funny but if I'm painting curbs and I'm
really into it I do a great job people come around to see me paint curves that
I'm telling a girl about that that I need them better going to be drawn into
it they're going to be like kill this guy's really into it I didn't think
curve a is cool but now okay I never girls actually say that like guys have
ridiculously like not normal professions that make no dough that most people say
is just ridiculous but the guys will tell it in a way does the girl for like
I think it's actually kind of cool like wait are you serious
and like yeah so he could be done yeah I dated guy I've actually broken up with
guys who have had professions that I thought were real
awesome but they they presented it was what really turned me off mmm
because they presented it in a way where they almost downplayed it and to me as a
confident woman I was like I want a guy who like you're saying maybe he doesn't
make the most money here he's not the most successful in other people's eyes
but if he owns it then I'm all about it mmm and I just find the time is like
we're you know all I do this but oh it's no big deal
like oh wow and she's and she's using it this is not an example of like where you
should be yes I work on Wall Street at a meeting last Friday in New York you're
not breaking about it but you can tell when someone's really proud about what
they do but the curve painter for instance you can tell it doesn't matter
what it is so she think even if you have an incredible job we make a ton of dough
all these things once again people say and you're not really proud of it and
you're like oh I should be doing this like maybe your passion something else
goal don't want that like maybe you're a kindergarten teacher or a pea ball coach
torsional kids and t-ball team it sort of be like oh yeah I'll just go out
there and you know watch the kids hit a ball and says you're like I'm making an
impact on your kid's life and it's so interesting and I get them at such a
young age and it's something I'm incredibly passionate about and I've
made an impact and all these kids like that is so attractive as being like I'm
a kindergartener and those kids are just your animal your fridge my little kid
zookeeper and like you I know here you cynically what do we think about them
selling this is your right man you got one shot and you're a dwarf in your mind
you're a glorified paper versus or if I say you are going to dog count and
literally all you do all day is clean about dog counts like dirty granny good
job that's not there's nothing glamorous about it but if you go in there and
you're like I'm helping dogs I help recalling them something as insanely
passionate about giving these new dogs chances and like whoa that is so awesome
it just is not the way you phrase your so much and I think it's two things in
framing I think number one you do want to be as closely aligned to your passion
and what you spend your time doing and number two put a little spin on it
whether you're not - let's say you're in the middle let's say you work a job here
to finance your cantata for one of the big five you travel a lot you like that
you had a big expense accounts fun the weekend you can have some fun you don't
like the way that you have to leave and travel every week what not put a spin on
it sounds nice that's something to have complete control over you have to bring
up the downside somebody wants to hear that give a little energy to bring a
little life behind and I do think if you possibly can you want to do something
that you are bipasha but I realized not everybody you know maybe you're
passionate baseball player but you're just not athletic enough to play in the
big leagues well you can't do that but find something that you are a little bit
better at than everything else there's a book called it's not to like don't
follow your passion that's like I don't remember what it's called but it
basically talks about that it talks about how when you find something that
you're good even if you're not super passionate about it five ten years down
the road people become passionate because they are good and they develop
these skill sets that are very unique and better than other people
so find something you're younger find something that you are a little bit
better if you don't love it maybe you're great with Excel spreadsheets and pivot
tables passion boat um just just just get into it and then learn maybe you're
going to comps is now the new version of cells that are coming out or teaching
new formulas new ways you can stress it any plugins you can do and get into it
maybe certain speeches about the new stuff work so you meet the people at
Microsoft you're involved this whole world I excel t-shirt for just gifted
but you can buy one yeah home made lots of credit
Northup button there's um so okay so that's a gutsy tale not in the video but
also let's say you are a job where it's really not your passion your painting
curves you hate it and if somebody asks you about it maybe you say you know what
I paint curves really it's not my mother said anything I do but when I'm not
working I'm volunteering at this dog kennel and like how's that going for you
you know where you're like maybe one day I'll be in a position where I can do
that or you can spin it but something in your life your passion that's actually
classic like in interview theory and things like that they say we talk about
like your life and what you do if you don't like your jobs but one sentence on
that they talk over you but my real passion is playing a band and every
Saturday we get together we do this in this hey that's a good idea yeah so in
the video when I'm kind of slouching and all that and then all of a sudden I can
see she's really aloof and not like listening or I'm saying the worst in my
mind the worst feeling in the world is when you see someone would rather not be
in that conversation with you me is the communication coach like that is don't
works like that cannot happen so what did I do immediately
why did three things go out and probably more than that the three things that are
easy to articulate so I brought my energy up immediately so I was like yeah
and the amenities and this and this and I was like so you you need to learn to
modulate your own internal energy because people match the energy that
you're feeling and emitting so all of a sudden my energy went from like a - to
like a nine talking about the pool if someone breaks glass they drain the pool
that's going to impact me my energy jump I Square cure I orient my shoulders
because you can feel that we square someone versus like this the body
language shows and I oriented more towards you can feel that pressure and I
would say okay I've done this before in social either conversations or even just
walking into places if you in your body make yourself feel more confidently
maybe I'm so nervous door to the bar but if I roll my shoulders
back I almost gained this confidence just because my body has that afib
meaning so in a conversation where I feel I can feel myself kind of being
nervous I immediately open up and it's like your brain on the street now
there's both pros and cons to switching over to a camera that records at 4k and
60 frames a second amazing quality you can zoom in and out no problem but it
burns through memory cards like no others unfortunately this is the end of
the video because the camera shut off on its own which she was rapping with is
the idea that your physical movements the way you stand the way your emotion
to express in your face actually changes the film's physiology of the way you
feel there is a study where people had to put on these fake smiles or even put
a pencil between their teeth which makes you kind of put off a fake smile and
even if it was completely fake it would make people feel better 60 seconds from
then because you kind of faked the motion until you felt the emotions so
very important to understand so here I'm going to leave you at the end with this
end card if you want to download my free tonality checklist it'll teach you how
to speak with the very strong competent voice you know your delivery is very
important the way that you speak has a lot to do with the way people perceive
you you can touch a click right here you can check out another video right here
or you could subscribe right here I'll talk to you next week
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