Why do they call a last person's breath a "death gasp"?
What eats at your intestines when you finally kick the bucket?
Here are 15 terrifying changes your body goes through when you die.
15 – Terminal Erections • For some men, life is just a series of
inappropriate boners.
So it's pretty unfortunate to know that this might not stop even after you die.
• If a man somehow dies while his body is standing or hanging vertically, or face down
on the ground, there is a very real chance his corpse will have a raging hot erection.
Once the man is dead, gravity makes the blood accumulate in the lower extremities, forcing
tissue, aka the dick region, to swell.
• So the next time you're at an open-casket funeral and your loved one has pitched one
last trouser tent, maybe cut them some slack.
14 – Boning • Aside from the newly formed bones in some
men's pants, most of us will actually die with significantly less bones than what we
were born with.
• The day you spring forth from your mother's vagina into this sick sad world, you generally
have about 270 bones in your tiny precious baby body.
This makes it easier for you to ninja yourself through the small passage of a vagina.
By the time you die, many of your bones will have fused together to support your old sagging
adult body.
• Most people die with around 200 bones - that's 70 less than your entered the world
with.
13 – Death Gasp • As you're approaching the rainbow bridge,
your body will begin doing some creepy shit to let you know you're about to die.
• Apparently in hospices, nurses refer to a patient's last breaths as a 'death-rattle'.
The dying patient goes into autopilot, and their breath becomes erratic, noisy or whispery,
and it's scary as hell.
The patient is no longer able to swallow saliva, so they sound hoarse and their lungs are forced
to work extra hard to inhale.
• Sometimes medication or repositioning the patient can help reduce the rattle, but
inevitably it's a sign of the end.
12 – Heart Stops • Whatever the cause of death, there's
one exact moment that doctors use to call the time of death.
• The minute that a person's heart stops beating, the show is over.
The heart is the powerhouse of pumping blood around our bodies, so when that stops, the
blood just stays where it is, and pools in the arteries like a garden hose whose tap
has been turned off.
Only once the heart shuts down will the body begin to properly die.
• Blood carries oxygen, and without it, the brain will soon suffocate.
11 - Hearing • When you die, your senses will shut down
one by one, but one of them is thought to last longer than the others.
• Apparently when people die, their sense of hearing will last longer than their ability
to see or smell.
An early study which looked at brain waves of dying people suggested that the brain might
still be able to hear and understand things, even once the body is fully on the precipice
of the unknown.
• Another, more advanced study couldn't find any evidence to support this, but it's
comforting to know your loved ones might be listening to you until the very end.
10 – Cadaveric Spasms • Imagine you're examining a recently
deceased person, they're grey and stink like a corpse - only something happens that
scares you shitless.
They move.
• Cadaveric spasms are when a corpse has a wild spasm in its limbs long after it is
dead.
Apparently when a person has a very sudden or traumatic death, the phenomenon of their
corpse moving around after death is more likely.
• It is thought that extreme muscular exertion at the moment of death is what triggers dead
people to jolt suddenly.
9 - Relaxation • Whether you die suddenly or after a long
drawn out battle to the end, you'll be comforted to know you'll instantly become the most
relaxed you've literally ever been.
• The second you officially die, your muscles go into maximum chillaxing.
Your jaw drops open, your eyelids stop trying to stay closed, and even the muscles in your
eyes let go – making your pupils dilate.
Your muscles stop receiving nerve instructions for the first time ever, and every part of
you lets completely loose.
• If it wasn't for the whole never-waking-up part, dying sounds pretty great at this point.
8 – Stiff Shit • After relaxing to the max, your body will
eventually begin to tense up again.
Like, really hard.
• Between 7 and 12 hours of dying, your body will drop in temperature rapidly and
your joints will seize up.
It's called Rigor Mortis.
You'll become so stiff that you arms, legs and neck will be like slabs of concrete - as
opposed to a soft squidgy human being.
• Like most things though, hardness doesn't last forever and eventually you'll become
a big flaccid piece of dead person again.
7 - Self Digestion • You'll be happy to know that once you
die, the bacteria and microbes that infest your corpse will continue to party on.
And by happy I meant horrified.
• There are literally trillions of species of bacteria in your gut and they're not
going to let a little thing like you dying ruin their fun.
With no immune system to tell the bacteria to back off, the bacteria will literally start
eating your intestines.
Once they've chowed down on that, they work their way up the body to the heart and even
the brain.
• Boners, stiffening, vengeful bacteria: maybe death kinda…
Sucks?
6 - Putrefaction • Just when you think dying can't get
any more gross, the act of putrefaction happens.
• Putrefying is when the body is done eating itself, and starts to break itself down on
a molecular level.
Soft tissues dissolve into liquids, salts and even gasses.
Putrefaction happens even while self-digestion is underway, but as anaerobic bacteria become
involved, that's when the real shit goes down.
• Think of it as leaving a bowl of milk in the sun.
Your body is a gross, hot bowl of stinky warm germs.
5 – Sweet Stench of Death • "After the bacterial shit-fest that
is putrefaction, how can death be any worse?" we hear none of you asking.
• Well let us explain the wonderful world of odours that emanate from your disgusting
bloated corpse.
Most people who have smelled a dead body have trouble describing it, with a consensus being
that it is one of the most heinous stenches you could imagine.
Apparently these curious things called 'Esters' occur in the chemical breakdown of your body
– which makes it smell sweet.
• Esters are found in things like perfumes and food flavourings, but luckily for us they
are taken from organic sources that are not dead people.
4 – Skin Falls Off • If a dead body is left to decompose naturally,
or just say a body is discovered long after the person died, you can expect something
entirely horrifying to happen to skin.
• Two or three days after you kick the bucket, your skin will literally start to slip off
your corpse.
The body becomes like a big gross blister, with layers of skin rupturing into slimy sheets
that dangle over your rotting innards.
• You wear sunscreen and moisturise all your life, only to have your skin goop off
as soon as you die.
–Shudder noise- 3 – No Grow
• One of the things most people think happens when we die is actually not true.
• The myth that our nails and hair keep growing long after we die, is simply not true.
The way bodies disintegrate and shrink after death is probably what makes hair or nails
seem longer, but they lack the hormonal regulation to keep growing once the rest of the body
is dead.
Without proteins and oils, hair and fingernails can't grow.
• This probably explains why most corpses don't have 5 O'clock shadows or sprout
beards in their coffins.
2 - Makeover • Since your bacteria is eating away at
your organs, and your skin is slipping off your skull, most people probably endure some
form of an embalmment process after they die.
• Open casket funerals give mourners one last chance to look at their loved ones'
faces before they are cremated or put into the ground.
Morticians are then faced with the challenge of giving the rotting corpse a post-mortem
makeover.
The jaw is often stapled shut from inside the mouth and wired shut, and glue is applied
to the eyelids and lips, then whole palettes of colours are applied to transform your relative
from 'zombie corpse' to 'fabulous afterlife ready'.
1 – Shit Yo' Panties • Everyone's favourite fact about death
is usually what happens to your undercarriage when you leave this mortal coil.
• That is correct, when you finally die, you take one last breath in, and then shit
all over your own butt cheeks.
With all of the muscles in your body relaxing for good, the functions that would ordinarily
stop you from shitting or pissing yourself, are abandoned.
Oh and don't forget farting.
The last sound your body makes might be one final butt-trumpet to signify your bodily
surrender.
• Death is one hell of an experience, which is probably a good thing we only have to go
through it once.
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