I think that, even though we
may not like the person that dies,
we sure do act like we do at the funeral.
(laughs)
(relaxing music)
I think that a funeral should not
have a lot of chitchat about the person about who's died.
Gayden said Episcopalian, and
in the Episcopal church, they put out
something very good, generally.
They say, "We don't have eulogies
"because God doesn't need to be told at this point."
Wait until the reception.
Don't get up there and take on,
because you're gonna get up there
and you're gonna talk about how honest
the embezzler was, and what a great husband
the fanny-pincher was.
The latest thing is funerals
that kinda drives me crazy is the theme
funeral, where all the men wear camouflage,
and they have a camouflage coffin.
That bothers me.
With good reason.
When you go into the church
and you have a University of Alabama coffin,
put the camouflage coffin in the fellow's
fishing boat and pull it behind
his truck to the cemetery.
For some reason, that just doesn't ring right to me.
My husband's a big hunter and a big fisherman,
and if he wanted to be carried off
to his resting place in his fishing boat,
I would have to say, "Harley's not here.
"No fishing boat." (laughs)
I have an uncle who absolutely made
my cousin put a little thing on his jacket
when he was in his coffin that said,
"Doesn't he look natural?"
I think that's pretty harmless.
Our friend, who lost her husband,
at the funeral I said, "What is that in his hand?"
She said, "It's a flashlight.
"He never went anyplace without one."
I said, "Okay."
(laughter)
Harmless.
Nobody dies today.
I read the obit column coming down on the plane.
Nobody died, they all passed away.
You only pass in bridge.
My mother always said that if somebody
said somebody had passed away,
you should raise your eyes and say,
"Oh my goodness, playing bridge
"and passing at every turn?"
The funeral should be a religious service,
and then you can have a heck of a time
reminiscing afterwards.
Don't act so bad that the next day
you'll envy the person who's across the street
in the cemetery because he doesn't
have to get up and face everybody.
We all have been gifted lots
of silver and lots of linen and lots of china.
We get all this stuff, and we-
And I believe in getting it out for a funeral.
I do, too.
I mean, I cannot believe that you're
gonna put Uncle John away, his last big party,
with paper products.
Always remember, you can have
as many weddings as you want, but you
only get to have one funeral.
You know, the newspaper gives you three lines.
When you were born, where you died,
and where you're gonna be buried.
And they write these elaborate obituaries.
Everybody knows that if you live
in a small town, as Gayden and I have written,
people are showing up with a casserole dish
before the body's cold.
In small towns, everyone likes to go to a funeral.
We passed the funeral home and there
were lots of cars, and she said, "Who died?"
I said, "Oh, Mama, you don't know them,"
and she said, "I bet I do."
My husband said, "Just drop her off
"and let her sit in the back pew."
I grew up in the South, and even though
I don't think you wanna go to a funeral
of a total stranger, I think if you know
somebody, you should go to their funeral,
'cause people really appreciate your showing up.
We love a good funeral.
We want a big funeral.
You wanna go to
the funeral- No one dies better
than a southerner. Wanna big funeral.
I don't think you need to come in
in a low-cut sundress with spaghetti straps.
I don't think that's appropriate.
I think the men should wear a jacket.
I know it's hot, maybe not a tie,
although the men in my family will wear a tie.
I've gotta wear stockings, they've
gotta wear a tie. (laughs)
I think in the South, and Gayden
and I have really discovered this,
there is a particular cuisine for funerals.
You wouldn't take ribs by.
You would take stuffed eggs, or you
would take a green bean recipe,
and it would be something that can be served afterward.
If my husband dies, my best friend takes over the kitchen.
It is the best friend of the wife
of the deceased that runs the kitchen,
and she is large and in charge, and do not cross her.
Families want friends there, even if they
don't know you very well. I think if you're
a close friend, then you do owe it
to the family to show up at the visitation
and at the church and for the reception
that follows, and go to the cemetery.
Well, now people have a memorial service,
just the family, immediate family
for the burial, and then they come
to the church and have a memorial service.
I'm gonna go home. And then go home
to the reception, which is a nice way to do it.
I don't have any problems with that.
So many things that people do wrong
these days, particularly the theme funeral,
particularly the long obituary.
Having talk about the person in church,
that's not what you should do in church.
Go home and talk about the person,
and then if you're lying, it doesn't really matter.
(relaxing music)
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