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Jack Whitehall Stand-Up - Duration: 4:50.

-Wow! [ Cheers and applause ]

How exciting is this?!

Hello.

So, here is a little bit of fun

for you to have at the airport, okay?

Little prank for you to play.

All you need to do is go down to your local fancy dress shop,

hire yourself a pilot's outfit, pop it on,

then head down to your local airport,

sit in the bar, and get completely wasted.

[ Laughter ]

Just watch people around you losing their minds.

"Hey, where are you going?

Ooh! That's my one!

Don't worry. I know a shortcut."

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

I'm a nervous flyer.

I get very nervous when I fly.

And they don't do enough to help us, do they?

The safety demonstration -- can we drop that already?

It's 2017.

We've got the seat-belt fastening down.

We don't need any of it.

Why do we have to start every flight

with a cabin crew performing a little play

entitled "The Horrific Ways You Could Die on this Aircraft"?

[ Laughter and applause ]

It's...

It's 'cause we have this routine on planes,

and we're used to the routine, so no one questions the routine.

Well, I'm the guy who questions the routine.

[ Laughter ]

I was on a plane the other day.

I was doing something we have all done

loads of times before on the plane --

lifting up the blind for takeoff and landing.

For the first time ever,

I decided I would ask the stewardess

why I had to lift up the blind for takeoff and landing.

It is a question that I regret asking...

[ Laughter ]

...'cause this is the genuine reason.

I said, "Madam, out of interest,

why do I have to lift up the blind for takeoff and landing?"

She looked at me. Do you know what she said?

She went, "Well, sir, if something were

to go wrong with the engine, then you are the pilot's eyes."

[ Laughter ]

"I beg your pardon!"

[ Laughter continues ]

"I'm not ready for that level of responsibility,

and no one told me that when I purchased the ticket.

I was very much led to believe

I was traveling in the capacity of passenger,

not bloody co-pilot!"

[ Laughter ]

"Also, I think you may have picked the wrong guy.

Let's look at the evidence here.

I've had a sleeping pill, two glasses of red wine,

and I just cried whilst watching 'Inside Out.'

I'm not your man!"

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

How does this --

How does this scenario play out in your head?

As we're nose-diving towards the ground,

and I look out of the window

and see smoke billowing from the engine,

I'm meant to, what -- just amble up to the cockpit,

pop my head through the door, "Awfully sorry, gents.

Your eyes in the back here.

I don't know whether you're aware of this,

but one of the wings has fallen off."

[ Laughter ]

"You might want to buckle up.

I will send someone through to show you how it's done.

Thank you!"

[ Cheers and applause ]

It's crazy!

[ Cheering continues ]

That very much made it sound

like I said something to the stewardess.

Obviously, I didn't actually complain.

I'm British.

I wouldn't dream of causing a fuss.

[ Laughter ]

I don't think I'm capable of complaining.

I hate complaining.

If I'm with someone that's complaining in, say,

a restaurant, I die inside.

I'm like, "Just, please, don't say anything.

Just don't make a scene.

Just eat the nut, all right?

We have an EpiPen at home. We will deal with it later.

What? No! Everything's wonderful!

Thank you. No, no! She loves it, as well.

Her neck is always that big. That's normal. Thank you."

[ Laughter and applause ]

Social anxiety -- that's my problem.

I have social anxiety.

That's why, hands down,

the hardest bit of traveling for me -- Passport Control.

Oh, I hate Passport Control.

I cannot deal with being questioned

by a figure of authority.

[ Laughter ]

Every time, I fall apart --

under the most basic of questioning, as well.

I walk up, they're like,

"Where are you traveling from today, sir?"

"France. No, Spain -- Italy!

Damn it! Sorry, England.

Don't know why I said that, didn't sleep on the plane.

Drugs didn't work.

Not drugs like 'drugs' drugs!

I mean, drugs like sleeping-pill drugs.

I don't have any drugs on me. I'm not a mule.

Please don't look in my bottom.

I have explosive diarrhea. Not explosive like a bomb!

Oh! I just said 'bomb' in an airport!

No! It's not a -- It's a phrase!

I keep saying 'bomb'!

Bomb, bomb, bomb!

The more you say it, the less offensive it becomes!

Bomb, bomb, bomb! Ooh! It's like a song!

I'll stop saying 'bomb' now 'cause you're all looking at me

like I'm a terrorist.

I promise you, I'm not a terrorist!

I'm just Jack, plain old Jack.

Hi, Jack! Not 'hijack'!

[Bleep] No! Don't shoot!"

[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]

Thank you very much!

For more infomation >> Jack Whitehall Stand-Up - Duration: 4:50.

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Jack Whitehall's Dad Has a Style Not Unlike a Crab - Duration: 2:23.

-We are hanging out with Jack Whitehall right there.

[ Cheers and applause ] Jack, thank you so much.

That was awesome, man. I really appreciate that.

Wembley. That's a big deal.

How exciting is that?

Do you like playing the big shows?

-Yeah, no, I love playing the big shows.

And yeah, my last show, I recorded it.

This was the coolest thing.

My last show, I recorded it, right?

And the other day I was on a plane,

and I saw someone watching my show

on the in-flight entertainment system.

And I was like, "That's it. I've made it.

Like, this guy is watching me." [ Cheers and applause ]

No, no, wait, wait, he's watching at 30,000 feet.

And I'm like, "Oh, this is so great.

You know, I better keep a low profile

in case he comes and asks for a selfie."

Five minutes later, I watched him switch me off

and put on the in-flight map. [ Laughter ]

-Oh, no, the plane flying over the map thing?

-Yeah, it was the worst review ever.

[ Laughter ] -That's a bad one.

I want to talk about this "Travels with My Father."

This is -- how'd this come about?

[ Cheers ] It's great.

It's on Netflix right now.

It's you and your dad -- -Yeah.

-Going to different places. -Yeah. So -- yeah.

So I took my 77-year-old dad

backpacking around Southeast Asia,

and he's, you know -- he doesn't go abroad a lot.

He's very old-fashioned,

like an old-fashioned kind of English gentleman.

-Yes. -Like case in point,

I would say that the first time I ever took him to a McDonald's,

he walked in and asked to see a wine list.

[ Laughter ]

That's the kind of guy we're talking about.

And he's so weird on this show.

You know, he's really funny,

and he's really weird with the people that we meet on the show.

But he's even just weird with the producers.

Like, he got this e-mail before we started filming

from one of the Netflix producers saying,

"Would you like a stylist for the show?"

-Oh, yeah, of course. -Just -- yeah.

Just someone doing their job, being nice,

offering my dad a stylist.

Simple "yes, no" answer would have been fine.

He sent back the weirdest e-mail ever.

He went -- or it said, "Dear madam,

I do not require a stylist.

I'm 77 years old.

In that time, I have acquired a style of my own."

[ Laughter ] "And like a crab,

I always come dressed."

[ Laughter and applause ]

-That's your dad right there. -So weird. He's so weird.

-It's a cool show, and do you get to bond with --

I mean, that's --

the memories you'll never forget.

-We're posh so we don't hug, but there's a handshake at the end.

-There's a handshake at the end. No spoilers. Yeah.

Our thanks to Jack Whitehall right there.

[ Cheers and applause ] "Travels with My Father"

is available now on Netflix.

For more infomation >> Jack Whitehall's Dad Has a Style Not Unlike a Crab - Duration: 2:23.

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How To Create Skype Account 2017 ! Step By Step update Tutorial - Duration: 1:28.

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