-Happy Friday, everybody.
Guys, the midterm elections are coming up.
And I saw that by election day,
President Trump will have spoken at over 30 rallies in 5 weeks.
The media says that's a lot of time
to spend away from the White House,
or as White House staffers put it, "Shut up."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Let him -- Let him play."
Yeah, I read that Trump is planning
to hold 10 more rallies before November 6th.
If he gets tired, they're just going to put a wig
on an air horn and hope nobody notices.
[ Imitating air horn ]
[ Air horn blows ] Thank you.
I saw that Trump actually scheduled a rally
in Florida on Halloween.
He's giving out tickets by saying it's a live performance
of "The Great Pumpkin."
[ Laughter and applause ]
But the midterms are just 11 days away.
Yeah, 11 days, or as Trump calls that, just one Scaramucci.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I read that Democrats are hoping
that their support for legal weed
will help them at the polls.
I don't know how confident you can feel
when your strategy relies on stoners remembering to vote.
It's like, "Is that -- Is that tomorrow?
November 29th, man, I'm there."
[ Laughter ]
"Isn't that Christmas?"
I heard that Utah might legalize marijuana.
So, a state lawmaker went to Nevada to research weed.
[ Light laughter ]
When asked what he learned,
his staff said, "That was four days ago.
He hasn't come back."
He's like, "I'll be right there November 29th."
As I mentioned, the midterms are coming up,
and Americans are more divided than ever about who to vote for.
So we thought, what if we can combine candidates
to create one candidate that everyone can agree on?
I'll show you what I mean.
For example, if you combine Missouri Republican Noga Sachs
with Tennessee Republican Jody Ball,
they become Ball Sachs.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Next up, if you combine
California Green Party candidate Barry Hermanson
with Michigan Democrat Debbie Dingell,
they become Dingell Barry.
[ Laughter ]
Everyone can relate to these.
If you combine --
[ Laughter ]
If you combine Illinois Republican Jaye DeBates
and Pennsylvania Republican Kurt Masser,
they become Masser DeBates.
-Thank you.
♪♪
-DeBates.
-If you --
[ Laughter ]
Now you're all playing along. Here we go right now.
Finally, if you combine Colorado Republican Peter Yu...
-Okay.
-...and Maryland Democrat Bill Frick,
they become Frick Yu.
I'm just saying, these are all candidates we can all agree on.
We can all vote for and come together.
Listen to this.
Did you guys hear that the Vatican
just launched a new game for kids
that's like "Pokémon GO" where you actually collect saints.
-Oh.
-When asked if it's as fun as "Pokémon GO,"
kids were like, "No."
[ Laughter ]
But it turns out that's not the only video game
that the Vatican made.
They also released a special Pope edition of Super Mario.
Check this thing out. [ Video game music plays ]
Uh-oh.
Oh. Wait.
What?
There's the smoke.
We got a new pope. There it is.
Fantastic game.
Once can see the smoke, that means you cleared the level.
-You have a new pope.
-This is going viral, guys.
Someone took a video of two corgis
working out on a treadmill.
Did you see this?
Two corgi dogs are working out at a gym.
But I'm not sure they were both
putting in the same amount of effort.
Watch this.
[ Laughter ]
That dude like...
As long as the Fitbit's on that paw, it totally counts.
Counts as a step.
For more infomation >> Self Defense Techniques In Car and Safety Hacks for Women - Simple Girls DIY! - Duration: 3:21. 
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