-You guys, I'm excited about this.
Super Bowl LIII is on Sunday. Oh, yeah.
Which means we're just a few days away
from your drunk friend walking in front of the TV
at a crucial moment.
"Damn it, Ryan!"
I do, I love the Super Bowl.
Every year, I watch the game on a 100-inch TV,
until the Best Buy manager says, "Sir, we need you to leave."
[ Laughter and applause ]
I saw that, on Sunday, a 30-second ad costs $5 million.
[ Audience murmurs ]
Yeah, but it will be worth it when people are watching,
like, "Oh, yeah, I totally forgot
about Amazon, Bud Light, and Google."
[ Laughter ]
So smart that -- You need to advertise more.
That's right, $5 million for 30 seconds.
The president said, "That's crazy.
30 seconds only costs me $130,000."
[ Laughter and applause ]
But $5 million really is a lot for a 30-second commercial,
which might explain the Super Bowl ad I saw for Sears.
Watch this.
-Sears.
We're not just a department --
-Ah.
[ Laughter ]
That's all they could afford. -That's all they could afford?
-That's all they could -- They couldn't do it.
-Wow. -I get it now.
[ Laughter ]
-Short ad.
-Well, it gets the message out there.
-Yeah.
-I saw that Americans are expected to bet $6 billion
on the Super Bowl this year.
But the bets aren't just for the game itself.
You can bet on all sorts of things.
I'll show what I mean.
For example, first up, the odds are 7-1
that everyone stays late drinking
at your Super Bowl party on Sunday night.
The odds are also 7-1
that your boss believes you have the flu on Monday morning.
[ Laughter and applause ]
-"I'm sick." -"A little sick."
Next up, the odds are 3-1 that the halftime show goes long.
The odds are also 3-1 that your dad asks what the deal is
with that lit, new band Maroon 7.
[ Applause ]
-"I like their beat. I like their beat a lot."
-Up next, the odds are 2-1 that the Patriots win,
and the odds also are 2-1
that Gronk yells, "I'm going to Disney World,"
even if they lose.
He's a fun guy. -Yeah.
-Well, you guys,
the president's State of the Union is on Tuesday,
and I saw that Stacey Abrams is giving the Democratic rebuttal,
and this is very nice --
Joe Kennedy, who gave last year's rebuttal,
tweeted out some tips
and told her to, "Just be yourself,"
and he's not the only Democrat giving her advice on her speech.
For example, here's Senator Cory Booker.
He told her, "If you get nervous, just do what I do --
Tell people you're The Rock's younger brother."
[ Laughter ]
Here's Congressman Eliot Engel.
He said, "If you get nervous, just do what I do --
Picture everyone naked.
I do that even when I'm not giving a speech."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Next up is Congressman Dutch Ruppersberger.
He said, "If you get nervous, just do what I do --
Say the name 'Dutch Ruppersberger'
and have a good laugh."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Here's the last one. It's Congressman Jamie Raskin.
He said, "If you get nervous,
just do what I do with my hair -- Let it go."
So nice. -Wow.
-So nice of all --
-Kind. Very kind advice. Very kind.
-Finally, I heard about a man in Arizona
who just set a world record by stacking 353 Jenga blocks.
Or, as one guy put it,
[as President Trump] "Maybe he can build a wall."
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots.
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