SUPERIOR COURT OF CALIFORNIA
Well, I guess I should thank you for taking my case, Melvin.
Don't talk to me! I'm nervous enough already.
This place is a lot more intimidating
than I thought it would be.
Is this your first case?
Yes!
And I left my Ativan at home. Fuck me!
- Are you okay? - You're crowding me!
Stop crowding me!
I have serious issues with claustrophobia.
♪Where the bears are, We want to be♪
SEASON 6 EPISODE 7 BEARS IN THE COURTROOM
All rise.
Uh, guys, take our seats. Let's go.
The Honorable Amos McBride presiding.
Thank you. Please be seated.
Good morning. Let's get started.
Case number 89–5473,
The People versus Nelson Dorkoff.
Not guilty!
Well, thank you, Mr. Dorkoff,
but usually it's customary for people
to wait until I ask for a plea.
I'm sorry, I'm just-- I'm very nervous.
You are? Look at my hands shaking!
Mr. Dorkoff, you have been charged
with murder in the first degree…
Not guilty!
So close, but this time,
how about you wait until I ask a question?
Got it?
Please…
Mr. Dorkoff, you have been charged with yada-yada-yada,
blah-blah-blah…
All right!
Here it comes.
Are you ready?
Wait for it!
How do you plead?
One hundred percent, without a doubt, not guilty, Your Honor.
Hey! Sit down!
Sit down, all of you!
Sit down!
Sit down, come on!
You're animals! You're animals!
Sit down!
Order! Order!
Come on, sit down!
Order in the court!
Now look… I'm already in a pissed-off mood
because Toby Marsden was one of my favorite actors!
One more outburst like that, and I'll clear the courtroom!
Got it?
Fine.
Jesus.
Your Honor, the people request
that bail be denied for the defendant.
Look at him: he's an overprivileged,
overindulged network TV star
living in a posh Beverly Hills mansion.
Actually, I share a house with three other guys in Silver Lake.
With the means to flee the country at a moment's notice.
For all we know,
he's got a private jet standing by to whisk him
to South America right after this hearing.
My passport's expired!
And I still owe three years on my Prius!
He poses a definite flight risk.
Well... Mr. Burns?
Uh, sounds good to us, Judge!
Oh, what! Are you kidding me?
Your Honor, please, I'm begging you,
I'm not even that successful.
I'm like a minor character on the show
who swabs the victims' assholes each week.
My catchphrase is…
"He was raped all right."
Fine.
Bail's set at 50,000.
What!
- 50,000? - Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
This courtroom stuff is intense!
I knew you were good, I didn't know you were that good.
Hey! Come on!
Come on, come on.
$50,000?
So, Reggie, do you think we can raise this kind of cash?
Beats me, but if anybody can do it, I know you guys can.
I was asking you,
because you're the only one of us who has that kind of money.
Yeah.
I don't know, it's tax season.
Oh, and we just blew our nest egg
at San Manuel Casino.
- I didn't want to tell you. - Oh, Doris, I'm so sorry.
How can I help? How much do you need?
Oh, about 10, 15,000.
I can have a check over to you by—
Are you done?
We're talking about my freedom here!
All right, Nelson, I will post your bail!
Thank you, thank you.
And because you're my best friend,
I'm only going to charge you 15 percent.
Oh! God, what a guy.
- Fifteen percent, - Great.
Don't worry, Nelson,
Marcus and I are going to do whatever it takes
to find out who set you up.
Thank you, Detectives.
It is such a relief knowing
that I have such good friends around to help me.
And we can offer services at a reduced rate.
We got a ten percent off coupon for family and friends.
Reggie's charging me interest,
and then you guys are going to be billing me?
Great! Does anybody else want to profit off of my misfortune?
Listen, we're going to start
by separating all the names of everyone on that set
who had access to the prop guns:
the cast, the crew, the writers...
- Producers. - The producers.
Oh, and don't forget about Reggie's Prince Oprah!
He was there too!
It's Prince "Omar," Wood, and why would he be a suspect?
Because his bodyguard borrowed the prop gun before
I shot the scene.
He could have swapped out the blanks with real bullets
when no one was looking.
Guys! We have got to figure out who did this to me!
All right, inside voices, okay?
It's going to be all right, Nelson.
I know you've been through a terrible ordeal here.
- I just— - No kidding!
Before his arraignment,
Nelson was in a holding cell with a bunch of other criminals.
And of course,
he had the Mexican buffet earlier in the day.
And he had to take a giant, huge dump right there
in the holding cell in front of all the other inmates!
I mean, talk about humiliating—
Oh, how could you?
Oh, I couldn't, I couldn't,
I would've died! I would've died!
Can we please talk about something else now?
(knocking on door)
Can I help you?
Hi, Todd. It's me, Frank Coley.
Oh, wow.
Captain Coley, I had no idea
you were into this sort of thing.
I'm not, Todd.
The boys have got me out here working undercover,
trying to catch this purse snatcher on the street.
I've been walking up and down all day in these blasted shoes.
But so far…
there's been no bites.
What purse snatcher?
There's no crime in this neighborhood!
Dag burn it!
I knew you boys was pulling my pull up!
I know I must look like a dern fool!
Actually, you kind of make a pretty convincing woman
if it weren't for the mustache.
Oh, thank you, Todd.
I considered shaving it,
but after all these years, I just couldn't do it.
But I do have it covered:
anybody ask, I tell them I'm Greek.
I get it.
Uh, where's the ladies' room?
And I need a vodka.
♪Where the bears are, We want to be♪
♪Where the bears are, Where the bears are♪
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