♪ Zack Morris is trash! ♪
(school bell ringing)
- [Narrator] Zack Morris gets a hero's welcome
at The Max after winning a track meet.
Screech says he hasn't seen Zack run that fast
since that time he stole a girl's bathing suit.
Zack wants to hang out,
drinking milkshakes all day to celebrate.
But Lisa says she has to go
finish her family tree project for class.
Lisa found out her great-great-great-grandfather
was a slave who escaped and helped
other slaves on the underground railroad.
Slater found out his great-grandfather
was a bullfighter.
Zack has done zero research.
Zack frantically rummages through
a family chest of blankets and finds --
- [Zack] The picture of this Indian.
- [Narrator] And says he vaguely remembers
his mom telling stories of a --
- [Zack] Distant Indian relative.
- [Narrator] Which is all he needs to conclude --
- [Zack] I bet this Indian could be my ancestor.
- [Narrator] And it would be great for his presentation.
Screech can even help him and --
- [Zack] Be an Indian.
- [Narrator] And yes, he really says "Indian"
four times in 45 seconds.
Zack gives a wildly-racist presentation
in class the next day,
drawing on Screech's face with red lipstick
and handing him a children's toy
while saying he comes from
a long line of fierce warriors.
When his teacher asks the name of his tribe,
Zack mumbles, "Cherokee."
When she asks where they were located,
he says the valley, past the freeway,
probably Burbank.
And even though Jessie went before Zack,
and admitted her family used to
traffic slaves,
right after Lisa said her family used to be slaves,
Zack has the most offensive and shocking
presentation of the day by a mile.
Zack's teacher reprimands him
for disrespecting his class,
as well as his ancestors.
She gives him a second chance,
and tells him to contact her friend
to do a little more research.
Zack says he doesn't have time,
because he needs to train
for the track championship.
She says if he doesn't pass,
he can't compete.
When Zack goes to meet Chief Henry,
the first question Zack asks is,
why is he wearing a Dodgers hat
if he's an Indian?
Zack asks Chief Henry if he learned to weave
on the reservation.
Chief Henry says he learned at UCLA.
Chief Henry wants to talk about Zack
about his photo,
but Zack says he needs to leave
five seconds after walking in and being racist,
because he has to go train.
Chief Henry is confused and thought
Zack was here to learn.
Zack says he really just needs enough
for a three-minute presentation.
Chief Henry loads Zack up with 10 books.
And instead of opening a single one,
Zack takes them to Principal Belding
to complain these books are "too heavy"
and he needs an extension on his project
so he can race in the track meet.
His teacher says he's had a month
to do the research required
for a three-minute speech
and turns him down.
When Zack's friends tell him they need him to pass
so he can win the championship,
Zack says he's doing his best
while sitting in a loud restaurant
full of distractions.
Zack finds a picture of his relative
in one of the books
and brings it to Chief Henry.
He tells Zack his ancestor was a proud chief
named Whispering Wind who led his people,
and just like Zack,
his ancestors ran;
only they ran from the white man
who was killing them off,
one-by-one.
Chief Henry calls Zack,
Running Zack,
and gifts him a headband
as a symbol of his tribe.
Zack shows up to class the next day
to deliver a less-racist presentation
that is somehow,
so much more racist than his first presentation.
He discusses how sad his ancestors were
about what the white man was doing to their people.
Because I'm sure this class project,
done solely to compete in a track meet,
would have filled their hearts
with pride and joy.
Zack calls Chief Henry to tell him,
he nailed the presentation,
when he gets some bad news.
And we hear this racist music
that presumably plays inside Zack's head.
(Native American flute)
It turns out, Chief Henry died.
Probably of shame.
And Zack is so distraught
about losing this guy he met two days ago,
he decides he's unable to compete
in the championship
and abandons his friends
who were counting on him.
So Chief Henry has to drag his dead spirit
to visit Zack in the middle of the night as a ghost.
Because apparently, all the lessons
about Zack's ancestors being brave and strong,
were completely lost on his simple ass.
And Zack shows up and competes in the track meet,
and everyone applauds this racist idiot.
Let's review:
Zack Morris made an obscenely offensive presentation,
based on a random picture he found.
Was racist, and rude,
to a stranger who was trying to help him.
Tried to weasel his way out of doing a little work
for a three-minute presentation.
And when he finally learned about
what the white man did to his people,
he did this to his people as a white man,
then ditched his friends when they needed him most,
forcing a dead guy to come back from the afterlife,
just to remind him of the heritage
he instantly forgot.
Zack Morris is trash.
♪ Zack Morris is trash! ♪
(school bell ringing)
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