(humming "The Walking Dead" Theme Song)
- [Host] We will not lose one of our ranks is exactly
the kind of thing someone says right before
they lose one of their ranks.
But I guess I shouldn't worry.
They've got a can't lose strategy
of standing around counting who's smiling
and synchronized crouching.
Wait, Ezekiel said they won't lose one of their ranks again?
Okay, they are definitely losing one of their ranks.
Probably several of their ranks.
He said it three times?
You're gonna lose all your damn ranks, Zeke.
Next time don't jinx it.
There are a lot of unanswered questions
about the sudden return of Morales and all of them
are about why he just called Rick 'Peaches.'
Is it an inside joke, is a reference to Georgia?
Does he think it's a good nickname?
Rick's name is already one syllable, Morales.
Any nickname would just make it more cumbersome to say.
Rubbing your back against a tree and tying your jacket
around your waist is a quick way to fix a bad mushroom trip
and apparently it also works
for gunshot wounds to the tummy.
Alright, make yourself comfortable, Eric.
Here's a gun you can use as a blanket.
You're about to start feeling very cold.
Morgan understandably wants to shoot the jerk
who's whistling, but Jesus reminds him
of the dumb unilateral decision he made.
When Morgan says, "The decision isn't final,"
Jesus replies, "Nothing is permanent except impermanence,
"so in that way I'll agree with you,"
except that's not agreeing at all.
That's saying shit changes but I'm right, you're wrong
and I'm taking these assholes with me.
It's a phrase most commonly said
during divorce custody battles.
Rick managed to list almost every person he's lost
since the beginning, except T-Dog, what could it mean?
It means T-Dog's not dead because a part of T-Dog
lives on in all of us forever.
Gone but not forgotten, the one true dog.
Rick telling Morales that he wouldn't shoot him
was less than convincing.
If the tables were turned, I wouldn't shoot you.
I mean, I know I wouldn't want to, it'd bum me out.
I'd be mega bummed.
And Daryl with the right idea, folks.
He's here to find guns and shoot dudes in the neck
and he's all out of guns to find.
I love that just like everyone watching at home
Daryl remembers this guy, kinda
but has zero problem with him dying.
Gee whiz, these zombies rolling down the hill
are truly living their best undead lives.
What a fun afternoon they're having.
And what a not fun afternoon this guy's having.
It's like Abraham Lincoln famously said,
"Some days you're rolling down the hill with your boys,
"some days you're getting your brain chewed on.
"My name is Abraham Lincoln."
Morgan hunts a conga line of fugitive prisoners
through the woods and just when he's about to murder
the shit out of that whistling asshole,
Jesus has to show up and ruin things.
Uh-oh, Morgan's looking at the ground
and he's mumbling a whole lot of something about nothing?
It looks like we've got a crazy Morgan on our hands.
And crazy Morgan plus unreasonable Jesus
equals woods fight, motherfuckers.
The Saviors in the back were watching the Saviors
in front of them getting mowed down and continued
to run directly into the gunfire.
It seems like running in another direction,
may I be so bold as to suggest the opposite,
may have been a better idea here.
After two and a half episodes of everyone
shooting at everything all the time
and usually hitting nothing,
Daryl and Rick finally run out of ammo.
Nobody panic, Rick's got a plan.
He's going to shoot this fire extinguisher,
which, would that work?
I'm inclined to say it would not work,
but I honestly don't know enough about fire extinguishers
and guns to weigh in here.
Please use the comments to weigh in
if you're an expert on fire extinguishers and also guns.
I read all of your comments.
Oh and if you're commenting these recaps were better
when they were articles, uh you're wrong.
They've always been bad but I still post article versions
so fucking relax.
Jesus hopes to be the first person in history
to succeed at telling a crazy dude spinning a stick
in the woods, "Hey man, you need to chill out."
Guess what, Jesus, nobody chills out when you tell them
they need to chill out, especially not crazy dudes
spinning sticks in the woods.
Thank heavens they were able to reach a peaceful resolution
of Morgan violently jamming his murder stick
half an inch away from Jesus' oddly long neck.
Alright Morgan, have fun pouting in the woods.
See you in six episodes.
Gregory tries to cover up his betrayal with a gripping tale
about this car he found somewhere and now he's here.
What more questions could you possibly have, Maggie?
After hearing Cal tell the story about Gregory
eating some little girl's pancakes.
- "You ate a little girl's pancakes?"
- Then hearing Gregory's side of things.
- "I did not eat those pancakes".
- I feel confident saying,
Gregory ate that little girl's pancakes.
Welcome to season eight of The Walking Dead,
a storyline about some little girl's pancakes
is the best thing we've got so far.
Ugh, seriously?
Come on Maggie, after he sold you out to Negan?
That's definitely one of those times
when sorry doesn't cut it and he needs to die.
For the record, I feel the same way about the pancakes.
I love that Gregory, known pile of camel ass,
decides to weight in here, saying,
"This is not a sanctuary for killers," after he almost
got everyone killed then asked for sanctuary.
It's almost as cute as the summer camp for prisoners
Jesus wants to set up in the corner with around the clock
counselors and friendship bracelet classes every Tuesday.
There will come a time for peace, and when it comes,
we're all gonna want to know how
to make each other friendship bracelets.
Rick might enjoy taking these pictures a little too much.
Where is he getting all this film?
What does he plan on doing with all these photos?
I'm glad he has a hobby, I just wish maybe it didn't involve
killing strangers and photographing their corpses.
Rick does what's best for this baby and hands her off
to a distraught crying man
covered in his dead boyfriend's blood.
Daryl lays low in the background with the
maybe if I stand still nobody will ask me to get involved
approach to conflict resolution.
Listen up Mingus, you tell Rick what he needs to know
and he'll let you take the car, you've got his word.
He'll even throw in a few Polaroids to sweeten the deal.
And Daryl once again with the right idea.
I don't know why Rick's pissed off here.
Daryl did not give his word.
Also I'm pretty sure I saw a bumble bee on that kid's face.
Daryl was just trying to scare it away.
Glad Ezekiel's smiling about losing not one of their ranks
on their journey of murder, but maybe now
is a little soon to celebrate.
You've still got a whole compound to sweep.
That's primetime for losing ranks.
Ugh, did he really just say, "We or they,"
when he could have said us or them?
Okay, please shoot this guy, he deserves it.
Tune in next week, what will Daryl say when he sees
the prisoners at Hilltop?
He's going to welcome them with open fire.
How many of his ranks did Ezekiel lose?
Not one, probably closer to 20 but definitely not one.
Will Gregory do something stupid that gets everyone killed?
Yes, but only after a hearty breakfast of some kid's food.
None of this and more next time on The Walking Dead.
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