Steve Harvey.
-This is all about me? -Yep.
I researched a lot of things,
mostly on Wikipedia.
Did it take you 100 hours to do this?
No, only 70, 'cause it's 4 pages.
Everybody else 100 hours, huh?
Your life ain't been all that, so we can do you in 70.
So, what are you gonna do? Okay.
I'm going to read a comic.
Oh, okay.
"Steve Harvey was born
Broderick S. Harvey on January 17, 1957.
His father, Jesse Harvey,
worked as a coal miner.
His mother, Eloise Harvey,
worked hard to make a happy home."
No, that's really good.
"Harvey moved to Cleveland, Ohio, East 112th Street,
which later received the honorary name,
Steve Harvey Way."
Ha! Watch yourself, girl.
Go on, boy.
Coming up in this world.
"He went to Glenville High School
and graduated in 1974."
Yeah.
Now, I have to ask you if you actually wore this.
No. See, like, that's a backpack.
Yeah. There wasn't no backpacks back then.
-Oh, okay. -Yeah, we had lunch boxes.
I didn't have one of them, either.
But I had them pimp paisley paints, though.
Yeah? You still have them?
No, I don't have them no more.
And see that little girl right there, in front of me?
-Yeah. -Yeah.
She didn't go to my school.
Yeah, there was no -- there was no busing yet.
Okay, go ahead. -Okay.
"After school, he attended Kent State University."
Now, see, at Kent State,
I had a little situation.
-Uh-huh. -Yeah.
I flunked out.
I was considered a failure.
That's when they started writing me off in life.
But it's okay.
They was wrong about me.
Yes.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Go ahead and read.
"But college was hard for Harvey
as were the jobs that followed, such as a boxer..."
Yes, I boxed.
So, all you just gonna put is the whuppings?
Yeah.
So I just got beat to death?
Yep.
It's humor.
-It's humor? -It's humor.
Well, let me humor you.
That little blond-haired lady didn't whup me.
Okay, go ahead.
"...an insurance salesman..."
Yeah, I did that.
Oh, and you got a door slammed in my face.
Yeah.
"...a carpet cleaner..."
I had a carpet-cleaning company.
"...and a mailman."
Now, they said I was a mailman,
but I was never really a mailman.
Yeah.
I was in the delivery business,
but it was, um...
It was, uh...
Okay.
"However, none of these jobs
were Harvey's true calling."
Yes.
"October 8, 1985, Hilarities Comedy Club."
Yeah!
"After discovering his passion for comedy,
Steve Harvey performed on many comedy shows."
I'm working harder than I ever worked in my life.
"So, then, the phone rings."
Br-rr-ing!
Hello?
"Hi. It's Ellen.
I have an idea for you."
Ellen DeGeneres!
Girl, let me tell you what.
When Ellen called, it's like E. F. Hutton --
you pick that phone up.
"Steve, can I talk to you?"
"How much you talkin' about?"
And the present.
"And now, the host of 'Little Big Shots,'
America's favorite smash hit,
Steve Harvey!"
Yeah!
[ Cheers and applause ]
Thank you.
That was a good little story.
That's -- That's a pretty good little story, man.
I think the moral is that everybody has a true calling,
'cause you -- you had a lot of false starts
and a lot of failures,
but then you came back.
-Yeah. -And you found comedy.
And so even if you have to work hard to find it,
everybody has something that they can succeed in.
Sasha, on point! Yeah!
One more time, Sasha! One more time, Sasha!
Yeah!
Yeah!
Thank you, Sasha!
Ladies and gentlemen, let's hear it for Sasha!
Folks, I got a comic book now!
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