Have you ever had a broken relationship that just would never heal?
Maybe it was a father or a parent that did something to you inappropriately
Or just simply didn't pay attention to you growing up
Or maybe it was a conflict in a marriage, relationship or with parents or children or coworkers
And then it never got resolved and over time, feelings started to harden.
Well, the tenth step in dealing with conflict is one of the toughest and yet one of the most important
And it's called seek and grant forgiveness.
That's a hard thing to do
But it's critical and there's two parts to this --
If you've offended someone, seek forgiveness.
And by that I mean go to that person and apologize..
And here's how I would do this -- I would go to the person and try to be very specific
and say these four things --
1. I was wrong to have done this and I'm sorry.
2. I'm sorry I did this and caused you to feel embarrassment, hurt, shame, whatever it might be.
3. I'm gonna work hard not to do it again. Don't say you'll never do it again because you might.
But I'm gonna work hard not to do it again
And please help me, let me know if I get close to doing anything like this again and then --
4. Will you forgive me?
And then you be quiet and let the person forgive you
You say, well what if they don't forgive me?
Well if they don't forgive you - That's their issue, it's not your issue.
You do your part.
I'm a big believer in we focus on the roots "Doing the RIGHT things for the RIGHT reasons"
And we let the fruit take care of itself.
And if you're a person of faith you let God take care of it.
Because you believe God will bless you for being obedient to following the truth.
So if you've offended someone ask for forgiveness.
That's hard to do.
It's embarrassing to do
The more you do that and follow those four steps the less number of times you're gonna offend people
And you're gonna be well down the road and you're gonna be building back the right relationship.
So seek forgiveness but also grant forgiveness.
That's as important, if not, even more important.
Because when we don't forgive we become embittered.
And someone has said bitterness is like taking poison and hoping it will kill the other person
It doesn't kill the other person
It kills you
It eats away at you, so you want to deal with with forgiveness
And I believe by the way we need to forgive unconditionally
People say what do you mean by that?
I mean you need to forgive instantaneously and unconditionally.
Forgiveness isn't the same as trust if someone's violated your trust over time
They may have to re-earn that trust but you can forgive them because
Forgiveness is what's going on inside of you.
When you forgive, the reasons you ought to forgive are these...
1. It's the best thing for you.
As I just said, bitterness is like taking poison and hoping it will kill the other person
It's eating away at you. It's killing you
So you want to let go of that.
You don't want to be a slave to a harmful thing someone else has done in your life
So, let it go.
2. It's the only way to restore relationships
And if there's bitterness there, you'll never be able to resolve conflict and be able to
Come together at a heart level or even at a meaningful level
So it's the only way for relationships to start moving forward.
3. You need to forgive others, because think of all the things you've done to mess up like I've done.
I've made so many mistakes. I've done so many things wrong over the years.
I've offended people. I've made poor decisions.
I've hurt others.
I've certainly offended God and yet i know that others have forgiven me
and because I'm a person of faith with a personal relationship with God
I believe God's forgiven me and I hope that's true for you
But the bottom line is -- You need to know that when you forgive, you liberate people
And you ought to forgive simply out of humility and appreciation for the fact
that so many others have forgiven you so many times for so many screw-ups you've done.
Just like I've done and boy if we would remember that, we would have a lot
more grace or kindness or giving or generosity in our spirits toward people.
So, remember to forgive, to grant forgiveness and also to seek forgiveness
That's step number 10
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