Ahh, dinosaurs.
Everyone loves these majestic creatures… until they're on the loose and eating your
face.
I believe it was Gandhi who said that.
But maybe things will be different this time because you're in
charge of building the perfect ecological park with a harmonious mix between man and
dinosaur in Jurassic World: Evolution for PC, Xbox One,
and PlayStation 4.
Spoiler alert: Things won't be different.
If something can go wrong, it will, and it's
up to you to fix it as quickly as possible and ensure your guests
have a wonderful experience and live to tell their friends about it.
The bones of a good time are here: The game's mix of park building and crisis management
is sometimes fun and somewhat addictive, but these good
bones are fossilized under layers of repetitive tasks,
shallow creation options, and questionable AI.
As a result, crafting your own dino-utopia isn't much fun.
Like the last few movies, Evolution's premise is half-baked.
It's really only there to give you an excuse to
build a bunch of Jurassic Parks on a chain of islands not-so-subtly named: "las Cinco
Muertes" or "the five deaths."
Jeff Goldblum, whose presence is appreciated, even if he sounds like he just woke up from
a nap, pops up from time to time to inform you that this is all a terrible idea; chaos
theory; life finds a way; and stuff like that.
Fans of Goldblum's unique delivery will get a kick out of reading his dialogue as
he speaks.
Commas, ellipses… punctuation… they're merely suggestions when the master interprets
his lines.
Unsurprisingly, your goal is to
build the best dino park possible.
Surprisingly, for a developer who's known for Planet Coaster, Thrillville, and
Rollercoaster Tycoon 3, even the core mechanics aren't up to
snuff.
Small build areas and infuriating terrain restraints are inexcusable, especially from
a developer with such a pedigree in the genre.
Your building options are limited and the gameplay is agonizingly
repetitive: Point and click to gather enough fossils to make a viable dinousaur; research
things (i.e. click and wait), so you can modify the genome to
give the dino tougher skin, different colors, a more
aggressive demeanor… all in hopes of making it more attractive to your park's guests.
Next, incubate the dinosaur, release it into your park, and then
try to keep it happy.
That's the core of the game, and while it's fine -- even kind of fun for a few hours,
you do this over and over again, to the point of monotony.
Repetition is a frequent problem with nearly aspect of building
your park.
Outside of contract requests there's very little incentive to get creative with your
dinosuars.
Why risk an ill-tempered, picky variation of a triceratops, when the normal one will
do just fine?
The easiest thing to do is introduce a few veggie-sauruses
into the park to start earning revenue, and then
eventually bring in a few meat-a-saurauses to drive up the park rating.
There's also not much incentive to create nice-looking, carefully-thought-out parks
with lots of viewing areas, as your guests don't seem to react
to much of anything you do for them.
You can build a monorail to help them walk less, and sprinkle restaurants,
bars, and shops throughout the park, but whether or
not these make you much money seems entirely random, and the guests don't particularly
appear to care.
As a result, the guest-related buildings are mostly cosmetic, which is a shame because
there aren't many options and nearly all of them have to
be unlocked via contacts or research.
Yes, you'll have to have your top people research a bowling alley
before you're able to build one.
Notice the frequency of the words "seems, appears, and unclear?"
There's very little in the way of a tutorial or instructions, so you're frequently
left guessing or relying on Internet searches to figure out
what you should and shouldn't do.
Let's get back to the dinosaurs.
So long as your park is in ok financial shape, it's a lot of fun to release a
new dinosaur and see how well it integrates with the other creatures.
Hint: If it's a carnivore, the answers is usually "not well," but sometimes
they'll surprise you.
While all-hell is guaranteed to eventually break loose thanks to good ol'
chaos theory, you try to stave off the inevitable by making sure
your dinosaurs are happy, and boy oh boy does this require a lot of work.
First off, they'll need to be in the right-sized enclosure, with a certain
number of specific dinosaurs, and just the right amount of grass,
trees, and water.
If any of the aforementioned things aren't in order, the dino will attack other
dinsoaurs, starve to death, or get all sorts of stressed out and start headbutting the
fence, until she breaks free and terrorizes your guests.
That's just the tip of the spear when it comes to micromanaging.
You need to send teams out to replenish feeders, fix broken structures,
immunize sick dinosaurs, tranquilize, and move them.
You can point and click to do this, or you can go
third-person and drive a jeep or fly a copter to do it yourself…
but it's almost always easier to point and click.
Sometimes you'll spend a lot of time frantically clicking to resolve a disaster, while other
times you're forced to sit and do nothing while you slowly
earn more money.
There's no fast-forward option, so when you're broke, seriously, there's
nothing you can do.
I literally got up and put away groceries during
the early stages of building when the park was earning money slowly, and I started a
load of laundry as I waited out an all-too-common "go ten minutes
without losing power" contract.
If you're married, your spouse might appreciate these gameplay lulls,
but you probably won't.
Why not just skip the contracts?
Well, completing them is how you unlock most things.
They encourage/force you to do things you wouldn't
normally do, but often they're not super fun: dig up a
certain fossil, introduce x number of dinosaurs, build a particular building, or deal with
a sick dino.
Where contracts really get stupid is when you do a contract for one of the three divisions
(science, entertainment, and security), you lose status
with the others and they get jealous and eventually sabotage your park by shutting off power or
poisoning you animals.
This isn't much dumber than what happens in the movies, but when you take into
account that the groups are often asking for the same
things and have the common goal of a successful park, it doesn't make any sense.
Even after all these problems, there are things to like about this game!
Dinosaurs will fight, which is pretty much one of the biggest plusses a game
can have.
The dinos also have somewhat realistic tendencies like staying in packs, and their
appearance and animations are pretty solid.
They also aren't shy about interacting with your guests when
given the opportunity by a storm that knocks down a wall,
sabotage, or your own twisted design in the unlockable sandbox Isla Nublar.
The guests are painfully stupid, so you don't feel much sympathy
when a Velociraptor goes to town on a couple leaving the bar.
Oh, and introducing a live goat to a carnivore never, ever gets old.
Jurassic World: Evolution has tons of annoying issues, but its concept is a good one, and
it's easy to lose yourself for a few hours as you try to prevent
chaos and prove Jeff Goldblum wrong once and for all.
Is the game worth full price?
Absolutely not, but if you enjoy dinosaurs and building sims, it might be
worth a look after a few gameplay updates and price reductions.
But as it stands now, it's meh.
Still here?
Excellent.
Let's enjoy the soothing sounds of Jeff Goldblum telling us how this is all a terrible
idea.
His interpretation of the script is truly chaos theory in action.
Enjoy!
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