- Hello, hello, hello my friends, Kaitlyn here!
And so you're thinking about moving in
with your significant other.
Maybe you're scared or excited, conflicted?
Wondering what it will be like?
Or if it's the right choice! (gasps)
Yep, yep, I have been there.
It is a crazy, emotional time.
And it is not as easy as movies make it seem.
So let's talk about it!
(upbeat electronic music)
So a little over two years ago,
my ex and I moved in together,
and it was a big deal.
We'd dated for four years up to that point
and for us, but mostly for him,
it was kind of a, we need to live together
for him to feel comfortable getting married.
Now, knowing what I know now,
that didn't turn out to be the best decision,
but I'm glad that we did,
because I learned a whole heck of a lot about myself,
about him, about our relationship,
and just about what it's like
to live with your significant other.
So I'm here to give you advice on what I learned
and hopefully it can make the decision and transition
easier for you!
First, if you are still in the questioning phase.
That's okay!
It's a really big commitment to move in with someone
and you can have reservations
for all kinds of reasons,
religious, geographical, financial, emotional.
All of them are valid.
My biggest advice here
is to talk about it with your significant other.
Tell them about your reservations
and work through it together.
If this is going to work,
they should be really understanding
and not demanding of you to do one thing or another,
but basically help you feel comfortable
taking the next step,
if that's what you ultimately decide to do.
Second, it's like having a roommate, but not.
With a roommate, there's this level of civility.
And you kind of feel guilted into establishing ground rules,
or you don't, and then you're kind of a terrible roommate
and there's probably a lot of resentment going on.
But you don't want that with your significant other.
Also I think it's a lot more like living with family
where you have our guard down.
And we're less considerate
about other people wants and feelings
and more concerned with our own comfort.
Which leads to fights
because you're just more comfortable with one another.
And you find yourself yelling at them
that you are sick of hearing the Fallout Four theme music
playing for the last six hours.
You gotta recognize
that you're not going to not fight if you live together.
That's kind of inevitable.
But you still have to be respectful of them as people.
Third, you're gonna find out some weird stuff about them
that you didn't know.
I don't care how long you've been with this person
or how many times you've stayed over,
or how many vacations you've gone on together,
there are always things that you are not gonna figure out
until you live with a person.
Maybe they only flush with #2s or not even then?
Or they're actually really irresponsible
with paying their bills.
Or they keep all their clothes on the floor
and just sniff them
to see which one smells clean enough to wear?
Who knows!
We have all got weird habits and quirks and stuff,
and you are now going to find out about them.
And they're gonna find things out about you too!
And maybe they'll point them out,
and it's gonna be stuff you didn't even think was weird!
So the key here is to have compassion and understanding
about the weirdness.
Setting ground rules
for how you'd like to see your household function is good,
but don't let it overwhelm you
so that you end up shaming the other person
for things that maybe they grew up with
or are used to doing.
But also, don't let them get away
with forgetting about their bills.
Fourth, boys are gross.
Or really, people are gross, it's not just boys.
I am a very organized person.
I have certain standards of cleanliness.
Sometimes they get lowered because I am sick or super busy,
but generally, I don't like to have
dirty dishes in the sink overnight.
I like having a clean bathroom.
And I keep all my dirty clothes
in a hamper, not on the floor,
and I fold them and put them away
within one day of washing them.
I like keeping the toilet lid down when flushing
because I imagine poop particles and germs
just flying around everywhere and getting on my toothbrush!
You may find that your significant other
does not have the same standards as you.
They may be higher.
They may be lower.
They may just be different.
Honestly, this one is just figuring out a good compromise.
And compromise here was just something my ex and I
could not do effectively because we were too different.
His messiness made me feel gross.
And my desire for cleaning and organization
stressed him out.
But the hope is that you can find a happy medium
if you do have significantly differing ideas
of what an acceptable level of cleanliness in your house is.
And finally, number five,
don't let anyone take advantage of you.
So before you move in together you may try to figure out
who's gonna do the dishes and who's gonna cook
and who's gonna clean the house
and just have everything figured out.
And it may all work really peachy at first,
but after a month or two
you may find that you just have different ideas
of how home living is supposed to go.
But the key here is to not let you and your standards
be taken advantage of.
Whether that's making you do all the housework and cleaning
or feeling forced into providing financially
in a way that you hadn't initially agreed to.
Just anything that makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe.
Lay down some ground rules,
and do your absolute best to stick to them,
and then periodically reevaluate them
based on what's going on in your lives.
Because things do change
and sometimes you can't hold up to
what you'd originally agreed to,
but instead of secretly resenting one other,
it's better to talk it out.
Basically it's what anyone and everyone
would tell you about relationships: you need to communicate!
Communication is vital
to making your relationship and your living together work.
Bup-a-dah-dah!
Okay, so those are five things that I learned
and I think are important
when moving in with your significant other.
I really wish you the best of luck and congratulations!
This is a big step, but you got this!
Just remember to talk it out.
For the question today,
I want to know what your questions are
about moving in with your significant other.
And I'll do my best to answer them down in the comments.
And as always you can check me out
on these other social media sites
and if you haven't already, subscribe
and hit that notification bell
so you know the moment there's a new video.
And I'll see you guys next Thursday, bye!
(blows kiss) (chuckles)
(upbeat electronic music)
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