(airy piano music)
- Shawn and Marlon are at a cool party
with famous people.
Marlon got Moesha's autograph.
Shawn and Marlon are at a party with people.
Rico Davinci arrives.
Marlon says he loves his bad movies.
Rico tells him to beat it,
but his friend who also shops at
the Big and Tall collar store
says that's the token black guy from that sitcom.
Rico loves that sitcom and invites Marlon to the bathroom
to smoke a little Shimmy Shimmy Yah.
Shawn is badgering a pasty producer who perks up
when he mentions he reps
the token black guy from that sitcom.
Supercuts says he's producing the new Steven Bergman movie
and there's a perfect role for Marlon,
but can Marlon handle it?
Shawn says duh.
Marlon comes out the bathroom
smelling like Snoop Dogg's Xbox on Labor Day.
Shawn scolds his brother
for reeking of Ruth Buddha Ginsburg.
Marlon says chill, he's faking.
It was all pass, no puff puff.
Shawn says he better watch it.
Smoking Trill Collins can lead to other things,
like waffles.
Marlon dips to get waffles with Rico.
Marlon wants to tell Shawn all about the waffles,
but he interrupts his thrilling tale
to say he got him an audition with Steven Bergman,
even though Marlon almost blew it
by having fun at that party.
Shawn cautions it's a short walk from hotboxed lavatories
to dull stories about waffles
to smoking crack.
Marlon says relax, he is not ripping kush sticks.
It's just pretendy-wendy make believe.
A wild kush stick appears.
Shawn wants to know what the heck happened
to pretendy-wendy make believe.
Marlon says he only took the stone bone
so his new friends would think he's cool.
Shawn says he does not want Marlon hangin' with Rico
because he's his 26 year-old baby brother,
and he's flushing this doobie before it ruins his life.
Marlon's rehearsing outside of Steven Bergman's office
when Rico walks by,
fresh off his latest blindfolded shopping spree.
Marlon is nervous.
Rico tells him to smoke a jimjam, take the edge off.
Marlon's worried it will mess with his process.
Rico says it will make him
more creative.
He'll be wrapping cold mac and cheese
in slices of turkey at 2 a.m.,
this stuff is creativity cheat codes.
Marlon laments his narc brother flushed his illmatic.
Rico says no worries,
he keeps a freshie of Yo Biden rolled in his pubes.
Best of luck, my guy.
Marlon shows up to the audition
H-I-I-I-I-G-H,
high as hell off that Diesel DeVito.
Door drummin', hair rufflin' high.
Let's go to the Marlon Cam.
Eeyyyo, that's some good shit.
The only acting he's doing is acting a damn fool.
Running around, rolling around high.
More Marlon cam.
Ooh-wee.
Marlon is singing into a lamp like Nate Dogg-high.
Where does Rico cop his fuzzy green nasty?
But when Marlon shows
his best impression of a person skiing, not in the script,
uh, something isn't right.
Then he gets spooked by a poster
that's looking right at him?
Dear god.
This is happening faster than Shawn predicted.
Marlon is already smoking crack.
Mr. Coppertone attempts to get Marlon to read his one line,
but he simply cannot.
He is lit past the point of no return,
on what appears to be crack.
And just when he's about to almost, maybe, act,
he decides he'd rather try out
for the role of Pookie in New Jack City,
then spills jellybeans on the floor and takes his shirt off,
which would be fine if he was on mushrooms
with friends in a cabin,
but he's high on crack
with his potential future boss in his office.
The producer tells him to scram.
Marlon grabs their tasty beans, deuces.
Senor Sweater says drugs are a damn shame.
First, they fired that pothead Rico.
Now this high summabitch stole their sweet beans.
Marlon says he aced it.
Shawn begs to differ.
He did not get the part because he was
cracked the fuck out.
Marlon denies the allegations,
then pulls a lifetime supply of jelly beans
up out his nut area.
Marlon says he had jitters, so he toked a little Lodi Dodi.
Shawn says not only did he lose the part,
now he's got a bad reputation,
just like Rico,
who can't get a job because he stays blunted,
and they don't even need to drug test him,
they just look at his shirts and know what time it is.
Marlon says this weed stuff is bad news.
He is done smoking,
forevs.
Until 603 days from now, when Scary Movie comes out
and his character does nothing but get high for 88 minutes.
And it ends with a direct-to-camera PSA
warning people not to mess with drugs,
unless you want to launch a horror film parody franchise
that earns $900 million at the box office.
So what did we learn today?
Don't get blazed before you have to do anything important.
Especially if you got the joint
from someone you barely know,
because it might be laced with crack.
And a little kush won't ruin your life, but way too much
will have you buying ugly shirts in quantity.
And only sketchy losers hide in bathrooms
to smoke weed at parties.
Because weed is for sharing,
and you're stinking up the john.
And drugs are no laughing matter,
just like Scary Movie 3 through 5.
See you next time on A Very Special Episode.
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