-Thanks to newly developed technology,
we here at "Late Night" now have the ability
to record the tiny voice that is inside Donald Trump's head.
And you might be surprised to know that,
like everyone's inner voice, Donald Trump's is filled
with paralyzing fear and self-doubt
and is easily distracted.
So here is the tiny voice in the back of Donald Trump's head.
♪♪
[ Applause ]
-Okay, Donald, it's the tiny voice in the back of your head
reminding you not to lose the Queen, no matter what you do.
Don't let her out of your -- Oh, no.
Where's the Queen? Oh, where's the Queen?!
Oh, okay, there she is.
Now I'll just lumber alongside her.
Don't talk to her or look at her.
Perfect. Very presidential.
Look at these guys.
Look like nutcrackers.
What's on their heads?
Are those big furry hats, or are they afros?
Hats or afros? Hats or afros?
It's hard to tell.
They're probably hats, but they look a lot like afros.
Whenever you ask, they don't answer,
so I guess you're gonna leave England not knowing.
One of life's many mysteries, Donald.
One of life's many mysteries.
Oh, there's a little guy at the end.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Hey, Donald, it's the tiny voice in the back of your head,
and I'm here to tell you it's speech time.
Your favorite time of the day
where you get to make a big ol' rambling speech.
And now just wait for this song to end.
Oh! You know what you should do?
Double Shake Weights. Give them the old double --
There it is! Double Shake Weights!
Okeydoke.
Do a couple points, pretend you recognize people.
Oh, that's good.
That's very believable.
Couple more claps, a wave.
Double Shake Weights.
Seems like there might be
a little bit more to the song than you remembered.
Oh, you came out too early, and you know it.
And now the waves are a little sad,
and your arm's getting tired.
Oh, that's the -- Oh, I like that.
A point and a wave?
You're having to use the whole arsenal here
because you came out so early, you dummy.
Big old wave -- that's good.
Oh! More song! You're killing me.
We get it! You love the U.S.A.
[ Groaning ]
Oh, you used point already.
You're repeating moves! Shake Weight.
[ Laughter ]
This is the worst.
Ohm yeah, you can tell from that smile
that you fully hate this now.
Oh, you want to go to bed.
Thank you, yeah, thank you.
Thank you for being here and watching me point and clap
like a big old dummy.
[ Laughter ]
Shake Weight.
Hey, Donald, it's the tiny voice in the back of your head.
It is time for you to face facts --
you are way more comfortable standing with children
than you are when you stand with adults.
[ Laughter ]
Because with children, you fit right in.
You can have your hands at your side
and swing back and forth and get easily distracted,
and no one even notices.
Plus, you're so much stronger than them.
You could pick up this kid next to you
and just toss him into the lawn.
Stop his dumb smile there. Yeah.
I hope you're ready to get tossed.
Hey, who's that hot lady over there?
I wonder if she's single.
Oh! Oh, I recognize her.
Oh, you did it again.
You are going straight to hell.
-Would you like to say something to the press?
-[ Speaking Korean ]
-Hey, Donald, it's the tiny voice
in the back of your head, and -- hold on.
Is he speaking Korean?
Because you don't understand Korean.
Oh, this is very bad.
Were you supposed to learn Korean for this meeting?
Oh -- Oh, thank goodness.
It's a translator.
Looks like you're in luck, because he's speaking English,
a language you're also not great with.
[ Laughter ]
Oh! Now the North Korean guy's talking again.
Is he translating what the translator said
back into Korean?
And then, is the translator taking the Korean
of what the translator said
and translating it back into English?
Also, where am I supposed to look?
Do you look at the translator
even though he's saying the words that the Korean man said?
This is all very confusing.
Also, you hate this centerpiece, because it reminds you of salad.
And you don't like salad.
You like chicken fingers.
[ Laughter ]
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét