-If you guys wouldn't mind, I'd like to write up my weekly
thank-you notes right now. Is that cool?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Whoo! [ Cheers and applause continues ]
Whoo! -Whoo!
-James, can I get some thank-you note writing music, please?
He looks psyched. [ Soft piano melody plays ]
Hey looks psyched up, man. Oh, my gosh.
He looks like he drank a Red Bull tonight.
-He was the guys saying "Whoo!" -He drank a Red Bull
tonight, yeah. -Yeah.
[ Laughter ]
[ Soft piano melody plays ]
Thank you, Rudy Giuliani, for always looking like you just
accidentally texted the person you've been gossiping about.
He's like, "Oopsie!" [ Cheers and applause ]
[ Soft piano melody plays ]
Thank you, lazy rivers, for combining my love of
crowded private pools with my love of traffic jams.
[ Cheers and applause ] I love a lazy river.
I dig it. I dig it.
[ Soft piano melody plays ]
Thank you, jet skis, for not being called crotch boats.
[ Laughter ]
I do call them that. -Yeah, that's my name.
That's my rapper name. -Crotch boats, oh yeah.
[ Soft piano melody plays ]
Thank you, poster for the new Marvel movie "Venom,"
for looking like all of us when we try wasabi
for the first time.
[ Laughter ]
-Wasabi!
[ Soft piano melody plays ]
-Thank you, PEZ dispensers, for teaching kids that
the best way to get candy is to snap a cartoon character's neck.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
[ Soft piano melody plays ]
Thank you, door-close button on elevators.
I'll continue to push you every day, even though we both know
you don't do anything.
So, why am I doing it?
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Soft piano melody plays ]
Thank you, bagels, or as I like to call you, business doughnuts.
There you go, everybody. Those are my thank-you notes!
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