-Well, you guys, a polar vortex is supposed
to hit the east coast this weekend,
and temperatures are expected to drop below freezing.
Yeah, you can tell it's cold, 'cause today,
Trump and Nancy Pelosi were cuddling for warmth.
[ Laughter ]
"Come here.
Get in there. Come on."
[ Laughter ]
That's right. A polar vortex.
May not mean much to you, but your local weatherman
just spent all day shotgunning Red Bulls.
He's like, "Here we go! Let's do it baby!
Polar vortex!" [ Laughter ]
In some places, the weather is already making things difficult.
This week, a woman in Michigan
was leaving for work when her doorbell camera
caught her stepping out onto some ice.
She's okay, but watch this.
[ Laughter ]
[ Foghorn blares ]
She just stayed in that position and slid all the way to work.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Let's get to some news.
The federal government has now been shut down
for exactly four weeks.
It's a big deal, 'cause if your government shutdown
lasts longer than four weeks,
you're supposed to call a doctor.
-Oh, really? -Yeah, yeah.
[ Laughter, applause ]
But the government's been shutdown for 28 days.
At this point, the shutdown has lasted longer
than anyone who's ever worked at the White House.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-Think about it.
And it seems like there's no end in sight.
You can tell Trump's desperate to get money for his wall,
'cause earlier today, he proposed to Jeff Bezos.
[ Laughter ] -Really?
-He's got to -- He's trying to do it.
-Yeah. -"Come on, get in here."
[ Laughter ]
I saw that lately, a bunch of Democrats have announced that
they're running for President during the shutdown.
Might want to wait.
I mean, it's like standing up during a funeral and yelling,
"You guys, we're engaged!"
[ Laughter ]
Speaking of the shutdown,
to earn money, I read that some TSA agents
are now driving for Uber.
Yeah.
You know your Uber driver is a TSA agent
when they don't offer you a bottle of water,
they take yours away.
[ Laughter ]
I heard that unpaid TSA agents
are starting to blast rap music at the airport
because they're fed up with the government shutdown.
It's kind of weird when they tell you to remove
your jacket and shoes, and you hear...
-♪ It's getting hot in here ♪ -♪ So hot ♪
-♪ So take off all your clothes ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Or when you're getting a pat down, and you hear...
-♪ Bend over to the front, touch your toes ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ] -That's not good.
-And of course, when the line
isn't really moving, and you hear...
-♪ Move, bitch, get out the way ♪
[ Laughter ] -You know?
It's just odd to hear at the airport.
-Yeah, wouldn't think.
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