MORE THAN 400 CONSTRUCTION COMPANIES
HAVE SUBMITTED PLANS AND IDEAS FOR THE DESIGN OF DONALD TRUMP'S
BORDER WALL.
TO GIVE YOU A BETTER SENSE OF WHAT THE
REQUIREMENTS ARE, RULES STATE THAT THE WALL MUST BE TOUGH
ENOUGH TO WITHSTAND ATTACKS FROM SLEDGEHAMMER, CARJACK, PICKAX,
CHISEL, BATTERY-OPERATED IMPACT TOOLS, PROPANE OR BUTANE OR
OTHER SIMILAR HANDHELD TOOLS FOR UP TO FOUR HOURS, BUT ALSO BE
AESTHETICALLY PLEASING.
HAS TO BE AESTHETICALLY PLEASING ON THE
US SIDE, THEY DON'T CARE TOO MUCH ABOUT WHAT IT LOOKS LIKE ON
THE MEXICAN SIDE BUT IT IS INTERESTING THAT IT MUST BE
PHYSICALLY IMPOSING AND HEIGHT IDEALLY 30 FEET BUT THE TERMS
ALSO STATE THAT SHORT OPTIONS OF 18 FEET MAY BE ACCEPTABLE.
ANOTHER THING THAT THEY KIND OF CONCEDED ON WAS THAT SECOND
REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS WAS PUBLISHED WITH AN OPTION FOR THE
DESIGNED TO HAVE A SEE-THROUGH COMPONENT WHICH MEANS AM I
JUST BE A MESH FENCE BECAUSE THIS IS EXPENSIVE.
QUITE THE HUMAN A PORTHOLE OR SOMETHING DOS YOU CAN PEEK
THROUGH AND SEE IF ANYONE'S COMING.
I THINK THEY ARE TRYING TO MAKE AN EXCEPTION BECAUSE THEY
REALIZE THIS IS AN INSANELY EXPENSIVE PROJECT THAT MEXICO IS
NOT GOING TO PAY FOR, US TAXPAYERS ARE GOING TO PAY FOR
SO MAYBE WE'LL COME UP WITH A MESSAGE MESH FIX SITUATION AND
THAT'S IT THOUGHT LET ME GIVE YOU SOME OF THE PROPOSALS AND
SOME OF THE IDEAS.
IT INVOLVES DRONES AND TOXIC MODES.
IT'S
CRAZY.
I JUST LET YOU KNOW WHERE TAXPAYER MONEY IS GOING TO
GO.
CLING INDUSTRIES OF PITTSBURGH HAVE PROPOSED DIGGING
A 100 FOOT TRENCH ALONG THE BORDER AND FILLING IT WITH
NUCLEAR WASTE.
A FLIMSY CHAIN-LINK FENCE WILL RUN ALONG
THE MEXICAN SIDE, FOLLOWED BY A FIELD OF MOTION SENSORS.
IF ANY
PLUCKY BORDER JUMPERS MAKE IT PAST THE TOXIC TRENCH, THEY'LL
BE MET WITH ANOTHER 30 FOOT WALL ON THE OTHER SIDE.
THAT'S JUST
ONE OF THE PROPOSALS AND THEY ARE LIKE, I MEAN, I WOULDN'T
CALL IT TOXIC WASTE, THEY CALLED IT SOMETHING ELSE.
IT'S 100 FOOT TRENCH.
DO THEY HAVE ANY IDEA HOW WIDE THAT IS?
YOU KNOW HOW MUCH TOXIC WASTE WOULD NEED?
I'M PRETTY SURE WE COULD GENERATE AT THE.
100 FEET OF TOXIC WASTE.
BY THE WAY, THE PEOPLE TALK ABOUT
THE BORDER WALL ALMOST UNIVERSALLY HAVE NEVER BEEN
NEAR THE BORDER BECAUSE WE JUST SHOWED YOU SOME PEOPLE'S
HOUSES ARE GOING TO BE ON THE SOUTHERN SIDE OF IT BECAUSE
IT HAS TO CUT ACROSS US LAND.
THEY THINK IT'S JUST 100 MILES FROM ANYTHING.
PEOPLE'S PROPERTY IS RIGHT THERE.
THEY DON'T 100 FEET OF TOXIC WASTE ON THE OTHER SIDE OF
CONCRETE WALL FROM THEIR PROPERTY.
THAT IS BAD FOR PROPERTY VALUES.
AGAIN KEEP IN MIND SO FAR AROUND 400 COMPANIES HAVE
SUBMITTED DESIGN IDEAS THAT JUST BECAUSE WE'RE EXPLAINING WHAT
ONE OF THE IDEAS ARE IT DOESN'T MEAN THIS IS WHAT IT'S
GOING TO GOING TO DO.
YOU DON'T THINK SO SL HUNDRED FOOT CHURCH OF WASTE CLUSTER.
THE CHARM, HE MAY GO FOR THE CRAZIEST PROPOSAL THAT.
I LIKE TO MAKE A RECOMMENDATION OF THAT'S OKAY.
I PREVIOUSLY HAVE NO EXPERIENCE IN THE REAL ESTATE INDUSTRY BUT
JARED KUSHNER GOT TO START OFF WITHOUT KNOWING WHAT HE WAS
DOING SO I WOULD LIKE TO MAKE A SUGGESTION.
YOU'RE NOT GOING TO SEE THIS BUT I'LL
EXPLAIN IT.
IT STARTS OFF WITH A GIGANTIC SPINNING MEATGRINDER.
AS YOU WALK TOWARD IT YOUíRE JUST GROUND UP AND THEN IT
DEPOSITS THE MEAT ON THE OTHER SIDE FOR WILD ANIMALS.
EVERY ONCE IN
A WHILE THE TNT UNDER THE MEAT GRINDER WILL EXPLODE IN
CASE ANYONE IS MEATGRINDER PROOF AND THEN THERE'S THE 30
FOOT WALL GUARDED BY GODZILLA.
GODZILLA PATROLS.
I WISH YOU GUYS CAN SEE THIS DRAWING.
HE OCCASIONALLY SHOOTS FIRE AND ACID ñ ITíS AN UPGRADED
GODZILLA IF IT'S IN THE BUDGET, MAYBE WE JUST DO FIRE.
AND THAT JUST BECAUSE YOU GET PAST GODZILLA, CANNED OFF.
YOU FROM PASSING IN THE SHOULD REALLY BEEN ASSOCIATED WITH
THAT.
YOU THINK ABOUT ALL THAT THE.
I THINK WE'VE GOT THIS ON LOCKDOWN.
YOU HAVE TO TAKE A PHOTO OF THAT DRAWING AND THEN SEND
IT TO ME SO I CAN POST IT ON MY INSTAGRAM WHERE YOU GUYS
CAN SEE AT ANA KASPARIAN OFFICIAL.
OR AT JOHN IADAROLA.
ITíS EXPENSIVE BUT I THINK WE CAN DO IT THAT.
ITíS GOOD.
I LIKE HOW CREATIVE IT IS.
THANK YOU.
LET ME GIVE YOU SOME OTHER SERIOUS PROPOSALS.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE FUCK THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO MEAN.
DARK PULSE TECHNOLOGIES PROPOSES A BIG BALLISTICS GRADE
CONCRETE WALL EMBEDDED WITH SPECIAL SENSORS IN ORDER TO
NOTIFY BORDER AGENTS OF THE EXACT LOCATION OF ANY TAMPERING
IN REAL-TIME.
IN KEEPING WITH THEIR MARVEL COMICS IDENTITY,
THEIR WALL WOULD BE CODED TO PREVENT THE USE OF GRAPPLING
HOOKS THAT.
BOTH OF THOSE ARE GOOD IDEAS.
ITíS NOT THE CRAZIEST.
I WANT TO BE FAIR TO SOME OF THE
DESIGN, SOME OF THE COMPANIES WITH THE DESIGN IDEAS BECAUSE
NOT ALL OF THEM ARE INSANE.
BLACK SECURITY PRODUCTS OF
AUSTIN TEXAS HAS INCORPORATED 4 INCH HOLES IN THE BOTTOM OF THE
WALL TO ALLOW ANIMALS TO SCAMPER ACROSS THE BORDER UNDETECTED,
ALONG WITH THE RIP RAP SYSTEM OF LOOSE ROCKS SO THAT SMALLER
CREATURES CAN CREEP THROUGH THE WALL.
QUITE FEDERAL WITH AMINE STOCK.
THE REASON I BROUGHT THIS ONE UP IS BECAUSE SOME OF THE
CONSTRUCTION COMPANIES ARE ACTUALLY RATHER LIBERAL WHEN IT
COMES TO THINGS LIKE THE ENVIRONMENT AND SO IN THIS
CASE, THERE LIKE WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT THE ANIMALS.
ANIMALS ARE INNOCENT.
THAT'S A SERIOUS CONCERN.
WE DON'T WANT MEXICAN PEOPLE TO COME TO THE COUNTRY, BUT
MEXICAN ANIMALS ARE FINE.
VERY SMALL MEXICAN PEOPLE, COULD THEORETICALLY, I
DON'T KNOW WHAT THE SYSTEM IS BUT PERHAPS ñ
YOU HAVE TO KEEP IN MIND THAT YOU MIGHT BE MASSIVELY MESSING
UP THE MIGRATION OF ANIMALS.
IF YOU CARE ABOUT THAT.
IF I DO BUT I DON'T THINK SOMEONE LIKE DONALD TRUMP DOES.
OF THE PROPOSALS THAT I'VE MENTIONED TO YOU, I
SERIOUSLY THINK THAT THE MOST APPEALING WOULD BE THE
FIRST ONE FOR DONALD TRUMP, THE ONE INVOLVING TOXIC WASTE.
YOU DIDN'T SEE, BUT I SAW ONE THAT WAS A 30 FOOT WALL, IT'S
PINK BECAUSE HE SWORE IT WOULD BE BIG AND BEAUTIFUL SO WE'RE
GOING TO MAKE A BIG BEAUTIFUL.
ITíS GOING TO BE PINK AND IS
GOING TO BE VERY BIG AND HAVE STAIRS ON THE NORTH
SIDES SO THE CURIOUS AMERICANS COULD GET UP AND LOOK OVER THE
SIDE AND MEXICO TO SEE WHAT'S BECOME OF THAT WASTELAND, THEREíS
A MALL BUILT INTO IT, GIGANTIC MALL SO THAT WOULD BE PRETTY
COOL AND OBVIOUSLY, THEY ARE MOCKING THE ENTIRE IDEA.
BUT I
SAW THAT THERE WAS ONE THAT WAS JUST TREES WITH HIM MAKES, THE
THING WHICH IS THE TREES WITH 1
BILLION HAMMOCKS FOR THOUSANDS OF MILES.
I COULD TOTALLY GET BEHINDÖ MIGHT BE A RESORT DESTINATION.
SOMEONE WANTED TO MAKE THE ENTIRE THING OUT OF SOLAR
PANELS.
I DID SAY THAT.
AGAIN, THE SOLAR PANEL IDEA IS ANOTHER
EXAMPLE OF THEM WANTING TO BE GREEN IN BUILDING THIS WALL.
I'M GONNA INCORPORATE THAT BECAUSE I THINK THAT
GODZILLA COULD OBSERVE THE SOLAR ENERGY OF NECESSARY.
I
THINK THAT'S AN INNOVATION THAT WILL GOING TO PHASE 2.
WILL SEE WHAT HAPPENS.
AGAIN, THIS IS SOMETHING THAT
SAYS US TAXPAYERS, WE AS US TAXPAYERS WILL HAVE TO PAY FOR
AND IT IS A STUPID IDEA REGARDLESS OF WHAT THE DESIGN
DECISION IS IT'S A STUPID IDEA.
ITíS A DEVASTATING IDEA AND WE
WILL SEE HOW IT ALL PLAYS OUT.
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