when you're in a challenging conversation if you're able to generate
oxytocin in the other person that trusts chemical you're more likely to get them
to open up to share openly so that you can have an open honest dialogue
somewhere between kindergarten and high school we start covering up our true
selves and orientating our persona towards being who we think others want
us to be people don't want to be managed they want to be led
whoever heard of a world manager welcome to the inside Forbes councils podcast
each episode shares transformative insights and advice from members of
Forbes councils a group of invitation-only communities for
successful executives and entrepreneurs this is inside Forbes councils hi
everyone and welcome to the very first episode of the inside Forbes councils
podcast my name is Stephen Gnoza and I'm the producer of the Inside Forbes Councils
podcast today we'll be taking a look at how oxytocin authenticity and
good old-fashioned leadership improve workplace interactions will hear from
Forbes councils members David Murray the CTO of Doctor.com, executive coach and
trainer Lorna Weston-Smyth, and Frances McIntosh a founder and CEO of
Intentional Coaching. So, let's dive right in. First, David Murray CTO of Doctor.com
will explain how an understand the brain chemistry can help you in difficult
conversations at work
hi my name is David Murray I'm CTO of dr. calm we are a business platform for
hospitals and private practices to manage everything about their business
that's non clinical today I wanted to talk a little bit about handling the
difficult interactions at work with the consideration of brain chemistry one of
the most powerful chemicals out there in the brain I'm not gonna say dopamine or
serotonin is oxytocin oxytocin is the trust chemical the
chemical that you know babies have between mothers it's chemical that gets
generated from physical touch that some salespeople you know use the savvy to
know that if they they have a little bit of physical contact or more likely to
close the sale etc when you're in a challenging conversation with a
co-worker or direct report or even your boss if you're able to generate oxytocin
in the other person that trust chemical you're more likely to get them to open
up to share openly so that you can have an open honest dialogue which candidly
is one of the most effective ways to get things done and to get people to open up
I've been really actually simple not easy but simple technique to generate
oxytocin another individual a lot of research shows that this is an effective
technique and you know it's it's less contentious than than touch and that's
to be vulnerable some of you guys may be familiar with Brunei Brown who talks a
lot about vulnerability and shame etc um if I share with you right now that you
know when I was younger I had a stepmom who was you know she's a full-blooded
German from France very conservative in in her you know bringing me up shall we
say and she used to lock me in my room and and forced me to read these big
Isaac Asimov books and I used to pretend to read them and then read the back and
when she came in and asked me to summarize what I read I would you know
kind of creatively BS and um and that was one reason why I didn't enjoy
reading when I when I when I was a kid and even up into my my college year so
often have books on tape etc that I listened to and said the reason I share
this story is to ask you in you hearing this story just now how do you how do
you feel about me compared to when you just first heard my voice my expectation
is is that you probably feel a little bit more affinity for me a little bit
more openness because I'm a little bit more human than then maybe
you would have thought when you first started listening this technique a very
simple technique to share openly and vulnerably about something that's
personal about yourself ideally in context of whatever the topic
is that you're gonna be sharing or discussing with that other person by
sharing that vulnerability and beating that vulnerable person you're more
likely to get that other person to connect with you and be willing to be
vulnerable themselves that vulnerability actually generates oxytocin the other
knit individual and again creates trust so when you're having that difficult
conversation and you're kind of not sure where to start think to yourself what is
the most vulnerable thing that I could say right now or even just something
that's you know on the topic but reveals a vulnerable side to me if you start
from that place the hope is that you'll be able to have a more authentic human
interaction with the person you're having that difficult conversation with
and the hope is is that the end result is is that you'll make progress together
and connect and have a better relationship once that conversation
finishes
are you a successful executive or entrepreneur with insights to share
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voices and exchange ideas see if you qualify at boards councils comm and next
we'll hear from executive coach and trainer Warner Weston Smith who will
look at workplace interactions through the lens of leadership he'll discuss the
difference between managing and leading and why leading results in better
interactions hi my name is Lorna Westin Smith a certified John Maxwell executive
coach and a member of the Forbes Coaches Council
I equip ordinary people to become extraordinary leaders through coaching
mentoring and training I work with them to become better leaders in their
business and in their life to get better results and build a team they can count
on in 1984 United Technologies published a piece called let's get rid of
management it went like this people don't want to be managed they
want to be led who ever heard of a world manager world leader yes even my
educational leader political leader religious leader Scout leader community
leader labor leader business leader they lead they don't manage you can lead your
horse to water but you can't manage him to drink if you want to manage somebody
manage yourself do that well and you'll be ready to stop managing and start
leading almost 35 years later most businesses still don't seem to
understand the idea that people don't want to be managed they want leadership
influential thought leader Peter Drucker said that one does not manage people the
task is to lead people and the goal is to make productive the specific
strengths and knowledge of each individual most people want to do a good
job how well they perform is simply a reflection of the leadership of the
person they work for and their relationship with them most employees
want to come in be trusted to do their work and do a good job managing people
is disempowering it treats people like there are not adults capable of doing
the work without someone watching over them leadership equips people to do the
job inspiring them to do it well and then trusting them to get it done
and who doesn't want to be trusted journalist and publisher john Zenga
wrote that leadership generates an emotional connection between the leader
and the lead leadership attracts people and ignites them to put forth incredible
effort in a common cause in other words leadership brings out the best in others
managers use their position to get things done leaders use their influence
management is structure leadership is human to lead we must first understand
the people we wish to lead their strengths and passions their hopes and
dreams and care about them enough to want to help them make those happen only
then can we move from management to leadership unlocking the potential
creativity and discretionary effort of the people within our organization for
an organization to thrive there must be more than just management
there must also be leadership this is executive coaching trainer
Lorna Weston Smith connect with me on LinkedIn for more lor na w EST au an -
sm y th or send me a message to get more on the September launch of my podcast
leadership wisdom shortcuts and finally Francis Macintosh founder and CEO of
intentional coaching will further explain the benefits of being on
both for you and your organization hi my name is Frances McIntosh I'm the founder
and CEO of intentional coaching I'm a leadership coach and a daring wave
facilitator authenticity is the daily practice of letting go of who we think
we should be and embracing who we are somewhere between kindergarten and high
school we start covering up our true selves and orientating our persona
towards being who we think others want us to be social norms being liked and
fitting in all slowly chip away at the core of our authenticity we layer
ourselves with masks and armor these are the things that create emotional
physical and intellectual barriers preventing our colleagues bosses
families and friends from seeing our true authentic selves as you unlock your
true authentic self you'll notice these five things one you get to know yourself
really well often the most authentic people I coach are those who've
completed a 12-step study are done some sort of intensive self-discovery work
it's in the getting down and dirty with your hurts and hang-ups that the
pretense falls away leaving strengths and weaknesses revealed number two you
can clearly define your boundaries the more you understand yourself the more
you see where you end and someone else begins number three you become more
comfortable with feeling uncomfortable this can be hard especially when dealing
with uncomfortable conversations we all have an innate desire to be light and if
we're perceived as a jerk it tends how others see us however to
get action and results you have to get comfortable with this discomfort number
four you surround yourself with quality people
these are the people who fill you with energy are trustworthy and have defined
morals they have sound characters and live with integrity doing the right
thing every time even when it's tough to do so number 5 you recognize that
everyone is on their own journey just as I am on a journey to be my wholly
authentic self so are you and so is your team we learn and grow in different
seasons times and tracks the bottom line it takes less time and energy to show up
as your true self research tells us that we all have at least a few blind spots
so it's important to get regular open and possibly hard feedback to ensure we
are not operating from a blind zone authenticity is the gift that keeps on
giving as you show up without pretense others
start practicing it - leading to a life with more joy meaning fulfillment and
success. If you want to learn more about this and other topics you can reach me
through my website, intentionalcoaching.com.
well that's all we've got for today I want to thank David, Lorna, and Frances
for sharing their insights and be sure to be on the lookout for learners
upcoming podcasts the leadership wisdom shortcuts we'll see you on the next
episode this has been inside Forbes Counsel's please be sure to subscribe to
us on iTunes, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts. If you're a member of the
Forbes councils and would like to participate in our podcast series please
email your member concierge. If you're interested in joining a Forbes Council,
learn more at forbescouncils.com
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