How do you deal with haters?
That's an excellent question, and we're going to cover that today.
Hi, there. I'm Angela Brown, and this is Ask a House Cleaner.
This is a show where you get to ask a house cleaning question,
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All right, on to today's show, which is about haters.
Now, in the house cleaning business, when someone tells you that you did a terrible
job, or that you didn't pass, or that they're not happy with your work, it's easy to classify
those people as haters because there's negativity coming back towards us.
So, we're going to talk about negativity and we're going to talk about haters that are
just bullies in your life.
All right, now, the reason that we're bringing this up is because if you're in business,
if you write a blog, or even if you make a YouTube channel like this right now, which
is also a podcast, you're going to get haters.
Now, I don't know why, but telling house cleaning tips, I get lots of haters as well.
It's easy to get down on yourself and to be discouraged and to say,
"Well, what did I do wrong?
Why do these people hate me?
What's going on here?"
and get all wrapped you in the emotional energies of other people's insecurities.
When a customer contacts you and they give you feedback, that's all it is, it's feedback.
It's not hating.
It's not negativity.
It's just feedback.
When someone writes you and you have a blog, for example, and they say, "Oh, this was a
colossal waste of my time.
I can't believe that you wasted my time on this blog."
No one is making you read it.
Move along.
Go read something else, right?
There are things that happen to us in the realm of hating, and often times, it's actually
in our head.
Now, as long as I've been in business, I'll you this: I am a task master, I am tough on
myself, and no one will ever be more tough on myself than I am.
I am my own worst critic, and I think many of us are.
It's really easy to internalize what other people say and take that to heart when in
fact we are our own worst critic.
What I'm going to suggest to you today, here's how to deal with and handle the haters.
First of all, realize you are your own worst enemy.
I don't know why, but that's true for most people.
You are your own worst enemy.
That's fine.
If you give yourself permission to be okay,
other people can also give you permission to be okay.
Now, when somebody says that the hate me for whatever reason, or they try to discredit
me, or they try to find fault with the work that I've done, guess what?
That's not new.
I've already gone through all of those gyrations myself.
I've already had those thoughts, and those feelings, and those insecurities all on my own.
I can do that all by myself.
I don't need a whole host of other people telling me how inadequate I am, right?
So when people give me that information, and I recommend this for you, accept it.
Go, "I know, right?" because you've already been there.
You've already thought through this.
You've already experienced it.
The information they're giving you, it's not new.
They are not giving you revolutionary new ideas you've never considered.
So when someone comes to you with a bundle of hate, "I know, right?"
Okay, now what happens when you accept that?
When you accept it ... and I'm not saying internalize it, very different.
But when you accept it, it defuses it.
If someone comes up to you and they're like, "You're ugly."
"I know, right?"
"Well, you're mean."
"I know, right?"
"You're hard to work for."
"I know, right?"
All of a sudden, the argument is diffused.
There's nothing to argue with.
When you run into a bully or you encounter someone in your life that is hateful and full
of negativity, just hear what they have to say and accept it.
When you accept it, it completely diffuses it.
All right, the next thing that you have to realize is that a lot of times we internalize
the hate because we ourselves are insecure, and we have our own fears,
and we have our own anxieties.
All right, so one of the things that we have to consider is often times when people hate
on us it's because we have our own fears and our own anxieties and we are internalizing
what's going on.
But the reality is we don't need other people's approval.
There are seven and a half billion people on the planet.
If one or two or 20 of them don't like you, you're still going to be okay.
When someone comes to you and they're like, "We hate you," "I know, right?"
I'm not for everybody.
I'm not everybody's flavor.
I'm not here to win a popularity contest.
It's okay for you to hate me.
You have your God-given rights and your free agency to your own opinions and your ideas.
If you don't want to like me, that's fine.
The world is full of people who can still like you, right?
So, move on from that.
The next thing that I want to recommend is don't engage.
When you engage with hateful people, what you're doing is you're sparking a fire between
their insecurities and your own.
When someone comes to you and they bring their insecurities, and their inadequacies, and
their jealousies, and they point those towards you when you bring your own, now all you have
is this weird, energetic-fueled fire of emotional, out of whack, whackadoodle stuff.
Don't do that.
Somebody brings you all of their whaaa…Just look at it, and think to yourself, "Wow, that's
really something," and let them take it back with them, because you don't need to internalize
that and you don't need to focus on that.
Now, when you are in a social media, and this happens a lot online and in online groups,
there will be people that hate on you.
There will be people that have their opinions of how wrong you are.
Again, you're not there to win a popularity contest.
You're just sharing an opinion.
If they don't like your blog or your post, they can move along and go read something else.
If for some reason they decide to attack you, don't engage.
When you engage and you get involved in their conversation and, "Well, you did this.
You said this.
[inaudible 00:06:21]," all of a sudden, that just sparks this weird feel that probably
both of you are going to get kicked out of the group, so don't do that, just walk away,
move away, just block that person and delete.
Now, on all of my social media accounts I have what I call bleep and block.
As people come to my world, if they come and they are profane, and they're are mean, and
ugly, and bullies, and all these things, I bleep them out.
I have a whole series of words that if you use one of these words in a conversation with
me, it'll automatically flag your account.
It will grab your email or your post and it will throw it over into a spam filter, and
it somehow get deleted.
I don't even have to look at it.
Now, when you are mean and you interact with me and my groups, I'm the admin of a couple
of Facebook groups, and you get blocked, you will get blocked for being mean, or ugly,
or whatever just because that bullying, trolling, madness behavior is not helpful to anyone.
Once I block you, it's not even personal.
It's not like, "Oh, hey, I hate Gina," it's, "Hey, this is bad behavior for this group."
Block, and you know, if you can't come back.
That's it.
There's no hate.
There's no animosity.
There's no nothing.
You don't need to be finding me on other social media channels trying to hunt me down, trying
to be ugly.
It just shows how insecure you actually are.
Now, when it's a customer and the customer comes to you and they are mean and hateful,
and I'm going to link in the show notes to an article that I wrote on difficult, problematic,
and hard-to-deal-with customers, because the problematic customers are going to be your
very worst ones because they're not just high maintenance and they're not just difficult
because they don't communicate, but they're actually the bullies and the trolls.
You need to protect yourself from them because you are in business for yourself.
Every day when you wake up and you have to go to business, you have to love your job.
If those people are making you hate your job, you need to bleep and block those people,
even if they're customers.
All right, so there are ways around dealing with your haters and your negativity in your life.
They're just toxic people.
We don't need toxic people in our life.
Now, I should say a sidebar here.
If the toxic person that is the bully is in your family, and sometimes that happens as
well, you need to limit your accessibility to those people.
That might mean that you don't go over for Christmas dinner or that you don't have a
birthday party with them.
You may need to limit your accessibility because there's just a world of negativity that opens
up every time you get together.
Then, you send obligatory thank you cards, and birthday cards, and Christmas cards, but
you limit your accessibility to those people in your life.
I tell you what, your life will get so much easier.
It'll be so much nicer.
It'lmake your job go so much better and you will start enjoying life again, but don't
live in fear of bullies, and trolls, and haters, because there's so much more to life than
that, and that's how I recommend you deal with them.
All righty. That's my two cents for today.
Until we meet again,
leave the world a cleaner place than when you found it.
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