Hello InnerTubers, I have an amazing surprise for you. This is Amber Tiana. Isn't she
beautiful? Even more than that, she's a sweet friend.
I first met Amber when we went on a ghost-hunting trip on the Queen Mary.
She also tells me she can't cook for shit.
Oh, God, it's true. I watched her the other day on Live.Me where she actually has the
most fans. She made a smoothie for breakfast, so she's pretty good with the smoothie machine.
Oh, yeah, I can press buttons. I bet you can. Is that a pepper? Those are 3 different kinds
of peppers. Ahhhh, they're all peppers. All 3 of those. I'm assuming they taste
different 'cuz they're different colors? That's what they tell me. I don't fuckin'
like 'em. Does this much shit scare you? There's a lot of colors. I've been snooping
on you. Live.Me snooping. Okay. And I've heard you say that you really like vegetables.
I do. And you don't like meat that much. I don't. And you drink almond milk which
I asked you to bring yourself. I did. And you have no idea why you brought it. None.
We are going to make breakfast! I love breakfast. Breakfast is the most important meal of the
day. You absolutely need fuel to get your day moving and get your brain in gear. Turn up!
Is that a young person's saying? Yeah, turn up, like ...
[wild disco music]
Being as Amber can't cook for shit, I'm gonna give you basic, basic, basic cooking lessons. Even
though you can't stay all the way 'til this is finished, the twins are coming over
later and they always like to eat whatever we cook. Ahhh, well, you're welcome, guys.
Please put your hair up, because you don't want hair in your food.
Ahh, there is quite a bit of hair. Okay.
You really don't need to have a bunch of shit in your kitchen.
Hmmmm, that's good, 'cuz I'm broke.
So, InnerTubers, what I decided Amber could make was Hashbrown Confetti Breakfast muffins.
Haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah. That sounds fun.
It's gonna be awesome. Look, here we have confetti. Confetti is multiple colors, right?
Yes. We have zucchini and yellow squash,
we have some pepper which you're gonna cut up, and we have some more zucchini
– I have some that I cut up but you're gonna learn to do this. Okay. Frozen spinach.
Frozen spinach is the key to everything. Half a dozen eggs, 2 cups of milk, and some olives
if you like them. Oh, I love to hate olives. I don't like them, either. But we need 'em
for confetti. We'll put them on for the twins, because one of them likes them, I think.
Hand me the muffin tin. The muffin tin, dear.
This is a muffin tin. We made our meatloaf muffins in this, motherfuckers.
Meatloaf muffins, motherfuckers!
You need a whisk. You can make do
with a fork, but you really need a whisk. All right. This isn't very expensive, and
you got a muffin tin. Mmmm, hmmmm.
You've got a measure cup. Yes.
If you don't have pretty bowls like I have for my
YouTube videos and my Facebook videos,
put your shit in coffee cups. I don't care.
That's a knife. That's a big-ass knife.
Granny is famous for her purple big-ass knife.
That's great. You hold it with such . . . confidence. Confidence. Fuck, yeah!
A spoon for putting the shit in the muffin tins. That's helpful.
Let's clear this shit out and start with step one.
I'm ready.
We're gonna grease this shit up. You know how to grease it up?
Hell, yeah. Tell me. Well, I've seen the movie. Grease? Yeah.
[giggles] Sure. Actually, I have no idea how to grease this. It's like a spray thing? Like
Pam? That you just go in? No, we're gonna do this old-school.
Amber, your very best tool for greasin' up the muffin tin
is a paper towel, and you just fold it in half,
and then in thirds, and then in thirds so it's about the size of a makeup applicator.
And if you don't have paper towels, you could use a makeup applicator.
Please tell me you have paper towels in your house.
I actually don't have paper towels right now,
but I do have makeup wipes, so, I could . . . Not a wipe. Not a makeup wipe. No, the applicator,
the clean applicator. Ohhh, uhhh. Got it. Oh, girl, this is gonna be a long cooking
school. You really are basic, huh? I'm telling you, AF! [disco flash] AF. Okay. This
is oil. There's only a little bit left. You only need a little bit. Like a lot of
things in life, you can make do with just a little bit. So, run that around. All right.
So, just like in the bottom and the sides . . . like. Yup. Yup, get after it. Awright.
Okay. Awright. Get in there. Whooooo. Greasin' up. Did I do that right? Is that the full
. . . Let's get some more on there. Awright. So, it's kinda like suntan oil. You do not
need to be swimmin' in it, you just need to be able to GO swimmin' in it. And the
purpose of this is to make sure that the shit doesn't stick to the edges. Even though
this is supposedly a non-stick cookware, by the time you combine eggs and potatoes, you've
got a formula for stickin' up. You know what you do with this afterwards? Yes. We
recycle it! Throw it away? Throw it away. I've actually never done that before. We're
going to break the eggs into a bowl, or a big measure cup. I always like to go big.
You can always recover if it's too big. If it's too small, you're fucked.
Matter of perspective.
Do you know how to break eggs? YES! Did you wash your hands? Yes. All right,
you may go. [guilty look] I mean, maybe I should do it again, just in case, you know.
[unintelligible muttering] All right. Amber, that right there is the number 1 reason to
have paper towels. Agreed, then. Wipe your hands. Just like when you go potty in a restaurant.
Oh, gosh. The pressure. Oooo hoo, you're a one-handed egger. Well, just for the first one so I could
show off, but it might not stay that way. We'll see. Oh, oh, no shell. Heh heh hay
heh heh hay. Okay, whoosh 'em around. Whoosh. You've never used a whisk, right? I've
never used a whisk. Do you see how much simpler it is than a fork? Oh my gosh, actually, it,
that is kind of like melted in together. Centrifugal force.
{Amber makes crazy sound with her mouth that mimics the sound of the eggs being whisked.]
That's so much better than the noise of
that fucking green bean casserole.
V/O I feel like I'm making a science project for the kids.
You have your almond milk? I do. What's our measure here? 8 ounces. 8 ounces. One
cup. Okay, this is what? So one cup is … This is 2 cups. So, we only want one cup of milk.
Okay. Whooooooooo. Amber's on it.
Stir that shit around. Word! This is a bag of hashbrown
potatoes. Oh, see this I understand. This I've used before.
Two big handfuls. Two big handfuls, and where do I put them?
Right in there. Okay.
So, like, a grab like this is good?
That's one. Okay, one. And another.
It's a little thin. Let's go for one more handful of potatoes.
How generous were you? Pretty generous. I'm a generous person.
Should I be more generous? A little more generous. A little more generous? I can do that! Uh,
BAM! Are you all right? Can I . . . isn't that a chef?
Yeah, yeah, but we can't take his trademark phrase.
[simulated freak out]
Do you have a trademark phrase? Fuck, yeah!
This is gonna be the tits. MEGA TITS!
This is some zucchini and yellow squash that
I spiralized already, and I want you to go "super ninja" on it.
Uh, the dance moves are optional.
[freestyle rapping] "chopping on the squash, making breakfast with Granny, everybody know
that I go out like that ham and cheese, today we making confetti, we doin' it all day,
and afterwards we gonna have leftovers for tomorrow, bae."
Fuck, yeah! That's why I watch her on live.me.
I don't get that shit at all, but I get her energy. That positivity.
How can you not be just joyful after that?
Now, pour that shit in here. Okay.
Another lesson. This is why I like to buy flexible chopping mats.
In the interest of time, Amber,
I'm gonna cut this shit for you. I'm okay with that.
Ninja. Ninja. Pull 'em down, girl, pull 'em down.
Ba ba-ba bum. Yum.
You can see how everything is cut very small,
'cuz you want everything to cook at about the same doneness. And, if things are too
big, then they won't cook to the same degree that other things will.
So, we have the egg and the milk to hold it all together.
Mmmm, hmmm. We've got the hashbrowns. Mmmm, hmmm.
Pretty simple. Just a little bit of time. You wanna add some frozen spinach? Heck yeah.
Gimme that bowl. Sprinkle that shit in there. Oh my god, doesn't that look beautiful?
It looks amazing. I think there's a variation of this in my upcoming cookbook.
Ahhh, oooooo. My FASTasFUCK cookbook which is coming out in October.
Are you ready for the final step?
YES! Ohmigosh, I'm so ready. Salt and pepper? You want salt and pepper?
Oh, yeah, let's do that. Bum da da dum dum dum. Is that enough? How much salt goes into
this? Pepper's a go? Oh, pepper's a go.
I'm gonna hold this up here. So, like a little bit more. Is that okay?
A little bit more. Little more. Little tiny bit more. Perfect.
That's it, InnerTubers. Now, Amber is a little bit lactose intolerant, so we didn't
put cheese in 'em. You can put whatever the fuck you want.
Amber, do you remember my soup video? Yes, I do!
[sexy music plays]
Well, the same thing applies to your confetti
hashbrown muffins.
If you like it, it goes in. If not, FUCK IT!
And now you have 12 servings of breakfast.
We're gonna put these in the oven at 350 degrees, and they'll cook for
about 40 minutes. You can tell, when they start to get crusty on the top, that's when
they're done. You don't eat them the minute they come out of the oven, because they need
to settle just for a little bit. How long? Fifteen minutes.
So, that's it, InnerTubers. Amber has to go.
She could only come for a short cooking lesson.
I'm gonna cook these up and the boys are gonna eat 'em later.
Thank you, Granny. You're so welcome.
You're such a treat. Ohhhh. So, here's the deal.
You have to follow Amber Tiana on Instagram and on Live.Me. Yes. And she has a YouTube channel.
I do! And she's gonna do more with it. I am.
And you have to, of course, follow me on the Facebook, and hit the like, and share
this shit everywhere because this is fucking delicious.
[blows kiss] Granny Loves You.
Ohhhh. I love you, too.
[Amber kisses] Two's gonna cost ya.
Fuck, yeah.
[music over crazy dance moves]
"people say I cuss too much,
[drums drums drums] but I don't fuckin' care
[drums drums drums drums]
I don't want borrowed trouble.
I feel good and enjoy the ride.
Surrounded by my favorite people.]
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