-We have a great show for you tonight.
My guests are Claire Foy, Chelsea Clinton, and Lil Wayne.
[ Cheers and applause ]
That's right.
Claire is here to talk about her movie "First Man,"
while Chelsea and Lil Wayne are here
to announce they're running for president together in 2020.
It's very interesting.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Let's get to some news here.
Thanks to a new emergency alert system, tomorrow at 2:18 p.m.,
every American will get a text from President Trump.
[ Audience boos ]
Then at 2:18 a.m., they'll get a text from Brett Kavanaugh.
"You still up? You still up?"
[ Laughter ]
Speak-- Speaking of the Supreme Court nominee,
it just came out that Kavanaugh once got into a bar fight
where he threw a drink at someone
'cause he thought it was the singer from the '80s band UB40.
[ Laughter ]
But Kavanaugh denied it.
He says that his calendar shows he was busy that night
throwing a drink at Duran Duran.
And that -- that's -- His calendar says so.
His calendar --
That's right.
Kavanaugh threw a drink into a man's face
'cause he thought he was the lead singer
of the reggae band UB40.
Republican senators had a lot of questions,
like, "What's reggae?"
You know, stuff like -- stuff like that.
Some more news here.
I saw that Stormy Daniels' book "Full Disclosure"
came out today.
And this is very cool.
When Stormy talks about sleeping with Trump,
the book goes from a hard cover to a soft cover.
-Oh. Really?
What? What?
Is that true?
How could that be?
-Did you hear about this?
Trump had a rally in Tennessee last night.
And beforehand, there was a bat flying around inside the arena.
They thought they got rid of it before Trump's speech,
but I'm not sure they did.
Watch this.
-She said, "We must have this deal with South Korea."
It will create 250,000 jobs. -Very interesting, right?
That's just a shame. That's a shame.
[ Light laughter ]
That's just a shame that that happened.
-It's a shame that happened.
-But Trump's been traveling a lot.
He was in West Virginia this weekend,
where he gave a shout-out to the governor, Jim Justice.
Can we see a picture of those guys together?
Yeah. That's Jim Justice right there.
Well, it seems like Trump is pretty hung up on Jim's size.
Listen to what he says about him.
Watch this. -Can I bring up your governor?
He is the largest, most beautiful man.
He's about 6'10", and he weighs about -- I'm not gonna say 450.
I won't do that to you, Jim.
He's a big man, isn't he? He's a big man. Big Jim.
Big Jim. Big Jim.
Big Jim. Big Jim.
He is the biggest human being I think I've ever seen.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-Oh, my goodness. Wow.
You guys, President Trump is always in front of the camera,
and one thing we've noticed
is that he makes some pretty interesting facial expressions,
like this one from last week at the U.N.
Take a look at this. Yeah.
It looks like he just sat in something wet.
So, we thought it'd be fun to go into our audience
and see how well you guys can match Trump's expressions.
It's time for "Face Off: Trump Edition."
Here we go. -♪ "Face Off: Trump Edition" ♪
♪ "Face Off: Trump Edition" ♪
-Here's how this works.
First, we're gonna show you a photo of a Trump expression,
then we'll see how well you match it.
Raise your hand if you want to play.
You guys want to -- Yeah, go. Come on.
Yeah, absolutely. Go.
Come on over here.
Hi. What's your name? -Margaret.
-Hey, Margaret. Where you from? -Jersey.
-Hey, Jersey in the house. Cool.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Here's our first photo. Take a look at this right there.
All right. -Oh, God.
-Not actually sure what's happening there.
But let's see how well you -- you can match it.
They'll split screen. Here we go.
Ready?
[ Laughter and applause ]
That was fantastic.
All right. Not bad.
For participating, you get either one of two prizes here.
You get a framed photo of Trump's expression
or this can of Hormel corned beef.
-Ooh. -Corned beef hash.
-Corned beef. -Yeah. Corned beef hash.
-Thank you. -Very good.
I love corned beef hash.
Who else? Who wants to try?
Okay. Coming up. I'm coming up.
You want to try one? Come on.
How you doing, buddy? -Doing all right.
How are you? -What's your name?
-Carlton. -All right, Carlton.
-I'm just falling. -No, no problem.
It's all right. -I'm good, I'm good. I'm good.
-Let's take a look at the next expression right there.
Ooh. All right.
Clearly, his mouth's wide open.
You got this one? -I got this.
-All right, Carlton, let's see. -Ready?
-Yep, let's do it.
[ Laughter and applause ] That's good.
All right, not bad. That is good.
You have either a framed photo
or a can of Hormel's corned beef hash.
-Oh, corned beef, baby. -Corned beef hash.
-Corned beef. -Yeah, yeah.
It's the best.
Who else?
Yeah, hi. Yeah, sure. Stand up.
How you doing, pal? -Hi.
-What is your name? -Morgan.
-Morgan, where are you from? -Scranton, Pennsylvania.
-Hey, Pennsylvania. That's close to Philly.
Yeah. [ Laughter ]
Let's see the final Trump expression.
Take a look at this. Ooh, yeah.
That's a tricky one there.
Looks like he is being attacked by a bee or something.
All right, let's see if you can try and match that look.
Hey, not bad. That's good.
Fantastic.
Nice work.
Framed photo or can of Hormel corned beef hash?
-Definitely the corned beef. -The corned beef hash.
There you go. Congratulations.
It's great. Get it extra crispy.
That was "Face Off: Trump Edition."
Thank you very much.
-♪ Face off ♪
-Who doesn't love corned beef hash?
Oh, it's the best.
Hey, guys, get this.
A new report found that lots of negative tweets and reviews
for "Star Wars: The Last Jedi"
actually came from Russian accounts
that were trying to divide Americans.
Well, apparently the Russians tweet bad reviews
about a lot of our movies.
I'll show you what I mean.
For instance, for the movie "Christopher Robin,"
they wrote...
[ Laughter and applause ]
I saw that.
Next, for "The First Purge," they wrote...
And you go, that's clearly --
-Very Russian.
-And finally, for "Ocean's 8," they wrote...
Watch out for those.
[ Applause ]
I heard that this week LAX airport announced
that they're going to let travelers
bring small amounts of pot in their carry-ons.
But they'll also look the other way
if you want to hide it in your butt for old time's sake.
[ Laughter and applause ]
What?
[ Laughs ]
I might have to do that joke again tomorrow.
I like -- That was a good one.
-That's an innuendo. -And this week --
Yes.
[ Laughter ]
[ Rim shot ]
♪♪
Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
This week, airport officials in Rome
blew up a suspicious suitcase,
but it turned out to be full of coconuts.
Then a Hawaiian woman was like, "What the hell? My bras."
[ Laughter ]
And finally, Southwest Airlines --
Well, the butt joke was perfect.
[ Laughter ]
Finally, Southwest Airlines is holding a giant sale this week,
offering some flights for $49.
People asked, "What's the catch?"
Southwest said, "You have to fly Southwest."
Guys, we have a great show tonight.
Give it up for the Roots.
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