-I am Jimmy Fallon, and if this all goes well,
I might get as many laughs as Trump's speech at the U.N.
[ Laughter ] Fingers crossed.
You guys hear about this?
After U.N. diplomats laughed at his speech yesterday,
President Trump said that it was supposed to be funny.
[ Laughter ]
Basically, Trump is that guy who trips in front of everyone
and then tries to turn it into a tiny jog.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
Now get this -- after a toast at the U.N.,
Trump was spotted drinking Diet Coke out of a wine glass.
But only after sniffing a sample and swirling it around first.
[ Sniffs ] "Full bodied.
Hints of aluminum."
[ Laughter ]
Vintage 2017." [ Laughter ]
That's right -- Trump drank Diet Coke out of a wine glass,
which is what the rest of America does
when their dishwasher is broken. [ Laughter ]
"This works."
[ Applause ]
"Watch the game?"
Trump's been meeting with a lot of diplomats at the U.N.,
and during a conversation with the prime minister
of Montenegro, we noticed he used a lot of hand gestures.
Watch this.
[ Laughter ]
-I think -- I don't know, but I think he just told
the prime minister to steal second base.
-Really? [ Laughter and applause ]
-[ Spits ]
Actually, I read that Trump just got a new $1.5 million limo.
And it -- this is real. This is true.
It fires tear gas, has night vision,
and can lay down an oil slick
to make anyone chasing it spin out of control.
[ Laughter ]
Even crazier, Melania's bedroom door does the exact same thing.
-Really? [ Laughter ]
-That's crazy. [ Applause ]
The limo fires tear gas and lays down oil slicks for car chases.
I'm pretty sure Trump was like, "Build me the Batmobile."
[ Laughter ]
"Just do it."
But Trump really is enjoying his new wheels.
They just released a photo of him going for a ride.
Take a look at this. There he is.
-Oh. Whoa! [ Laughter and applause ]
-What? -Whoa! What?!
That's not -- [ Cheers and applause ]
-Mario!
[ Light laughter ]
-Guys, this isn't good. Today, a third woman accused
Supreme Court nominee Brett Kavanaugh
of sexual misconduct.
And now, Trump wants to take
Kavanaugh's defense into his own hands.
Which is weird, 'cause men taking things
into their own hands is the reason
this all started in the first place.
[ Laughter and applause ]
In other news, it's Fashion Week in Paris right now,
and a designer unveiled a new line of purses.
Check out the size of these things.
What?
[ Laughter ]
That's the most fashionable way
to spend three hours searching for your keys.
[ Laughter and applause ]
"There they are -- No.
My other keys."
Also, I saw that Gucci debuted
a pair of leather underwear for men.
Leather underwear.
The designers were like,
"How can we make a humid day a thousand times worse?"
[ Laughter and applause ]
Listen to this -- a new report called
"New York City: The Best City in America for Coffee"...
-Um... [ Cheers and applause ]
-No wonder why I work in New York City.
Hey, Jimmy. -Uh, hey.
How you doing, Tariq?
What are you -- What are you doing here?
-Being a New Yorker.
[ Laughter ]
[ Slurps ] Mmm!
Hey, what does the C stand for in New York City?
Coffee?
[ Laughter ]
-No.
It -- It stands for "city."
You just said that yourself.
-Hey, the Big Apple, right?
More like the Venti Apple, right?
Right, Jimmy? [ Laughter ]
-Uh, sure, yeah. -Right?
-Uh, okay. -Say "right."
-Right.
-Hey, do you want to see my impression
of the Statue of Liberty if she drank coffee?
-Not especially. -Okay. Okay, okay, okay.
[ Laughter ]
-Tariq, that's very good. Tariq, there you go.
That's fantastic. Thank you very much.
-Yeah, this is nice. This is good.
It's fun. I like this vibe.
Good vibe, nice buzz.
I like this nice buzz, vibe, nice, good, vibe, buzz, fun.
[ Laughter ]
-Well, thank you very much. Tariq from The Roots, everybody.
There you go.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Sighs ]
Hey, big guy.
[ Laughter ]
-Uh, hey.
-Hey, uh, big guy, what's your favorite song
about New York City?
-There's so many to choose from. I have no idea.
-You want to know mine? -Not really.
[ Laughter ]
♪ In New York ♪
-Yeah, yeah.
-♪ Coffee mug with some cream and sugar ♪
-Ah, yeah, that's very good. Very good.
Tariq, everybody. [ Cheers and applause ]
Very good. Tariq Trotter from The --
-Did someone just scream "encore"?
-Encore!
-No! No one screamed "encore."
-Whoops. Ah, no.
It looks like I'm being paged by Dr. Microphone.
Catch you guys on the later.
-There he is. [ Cheers and applause ]
Tariq, the microphone --
Tariq, the microphone is that way.
Ah, forget it.
-What?!
-This is nice. We're having fun.
We're having nice. -It's good vibe.
-You guys hear about this? Dunkin' Donuts has officially
shortened its name to just Dunkin'.
Dunkin'. It's way better than
their first idea for a shorter name -- D's Nuts.
[ Laughter and applause ]
They shortened it down.
[ Laughter, cheers, applause ]
-D's Nuts.
That's what they were gonna call themselves?
-They were thinking about it, yeah.
-But they didn't do it.
They didn't call themselves D's Nuts.
-They did not, no. Dunkin' Donuts is now Dunkin'.
And now, some other companies are thinking about
shortening their names, too. -Really?
-But I'm not sure they're considering the best options.
I'll show you what I mean.
For example, Cracker Carrel thought about
shortening its name to Crack Bar.
[ Laughter ]
Next, Ramen Noodles thought about Men Nood.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
-And, finally, Fuddruckers was considering
something we're not allowed to say on TV.
We have a great show, everybody.
Give it up for The Roots!
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