Is your niceness killing you?
That's a great question.
And we're going to talk about that today.
Hi there. I'm Angela Brown, and this is Ask A House Cleaner.
This is a show where you get to ask a house cleaning question,
and I get to help you find an answer.
Now, if you have a question, you can ask it over at AskaHouseCleaner.com
There's a little blue button right there in the corner.
You can click on that button and it will send your question to me right here at the show.
If you're more comfortable with email, Angela@AskaHouseCleaner.com
All right, onto today's show, which is from a house cleaner who gives, and gives, and
gives, and she feels like she's getting nothing in return.
It's nothing in return from employees.
It's nothing in return from customers.
She feels like she's burned out because she just keeps giving, and she just keeps delivering,
and she's not getting what she feels she should be getting in return.
So is your niceness killing you?
Okay.
Well, it might be.
It might be.
It sounds like there's a lack of boundaries there.
And so I want to go back to the basics for just a minute.
As house cleaners, naturally we are people pleasers.
We jump into a person's house.
The person, for some reason, needs our help.
And so we jump in and we say, oh yes, I can clean this.
You have lots of problems.
I can clean these problems.
I can organize them.
I can pick them up.
I can shine them.
I can polish them.
And all these things.
We jump through all kinds of hoops.
And then a customer comes in and says, oh, by the way, while you're jumping through hoops,
would you mind jumping through one more?
I have this extra room that I need to get guest ready because somebody is coming in
from out of town.
And you're like, sure, no problem, and then you don't charge them any extra.
You just run in and you tidy up the room, right?
You're being too nice.
Then you get home and you resent it.
And you say, that took me an extra half hour, and I didn't get paid for my extra half hour.
And then you didn't get a tip or anything for all the work that you went to.
And so you're a little bit angry, and maybe a little bit frustrated.
And then you have employees, and then they call in and they say, hey, I'm going to be
an extra 10 minutes late.
Is that okay?
And you want to be nice.
So you go, well yeah, that's okay.
And so you go and you start at the customer's house, because you don't want to be late for the job.
And then a half hour later your employee kind of waddles in, like, hey, I'm just getting
here for whatever reason.
And you're kind of upset like, hey, I've already been working for a half hour without you,
but you don't say anything because you're nice. Right?
There are scenarios that happen to us in everyday life.
It could be with our families, it could be with our children, it can be as our employees
or our customers, where we let people walk all over the top of us because we are so nice.
Yes, we are nice.
All right, well I'm here to share something with you.
As long as you are being nice, that doesn't get you anything, right?
It's nice that you're nice, but people don't like you anymore because you're nice.
You're already intrinsically a nice person.
And so people like you just because you're a nice person, but you don't have to be extra nice. Right?
You can say, well I would love to clean the extra guest bedroom, but I have to charge
for that because it's going to take an extra half hour of my time.
So did you want me to do that today, or do you want me to come back on a different day?
Or is it in your budget, and you want me just to spend it right now?
And if you have it to give, spend it right now.
But at least there's a charge that goes along with that.
We get something in return.
Now we learned this from the TV series, 24.
We learned this from Jack Bauer.
Every single time somebody asked Jack for something, he said,
"I will give you this, but I need something in return."
And usually it was immunity or something like that.
And so, I was always a little surprised when he would do this.
I was like, that's a great technique though.
And what he's asking for is fair.
So the people that you're interacting with, they're going to do the same thing.
You're going to charge me this time for extra cleaning.
Always you've given it to me for free, but that's fair.
That's a fair request.
People respect people that are fair, that respect themselves, more than pushovers. Right?
So you've been fired by people that you gave, and gave, and gave, and gave till you could
give no more.
You were so nice, and then they fired you.
And you can't figure out why.
Well, they fired you because they don't respect you.
You've lost your backbone.
There's another company that came in and said, hey, we'll do the extra bedroom, but we charge more.
And they're like, okay, well that's fair.
People want to be part of fair transactions, right?
You have a no late policy, and your employee calls in and they say,
"Hey, I'm going to be 10 minutes late. Is that okay?"
That's not okay.
Our customers have a starting time, and we have to be there at our starting time because
that is our brand.
That is part of our company.
That is who we are.
And it doesn't matter what element of your business it is, but if that is the element
you are promoting, that is the element that matters.
Now, let's go back to Domino's Pizza for a minute.
They never bragged that they were the best on price.
They never bragged that their pizza tasted better than anyone else's pizza.
What they bragged about was, 30 minutes or less, or it's on us, right?
You get your pizza in 30 minutes or we give it to you for free.
Time was of the essence.
Can you imagine a Domino's Pizza employee going,
"Well, I'll start the delivery in 15 minutes. Is that okay?
No, that's not okay.
Our thing is time.
30 minutes or we got to pay for the pizza. Right?
So if you have an on time policy, and your employees keep taking advantage of that, and
they keep coming in late, and you are filling in the gaps and you're being too nice, that
is your problem.
It's your problem because it's causing you stress.
And now you're angry about it and you're frustrated.
And when you're angry, and you're stressed, and you're frustrated, that eats away at your
health and your emotional wellness.
So now you're a boss that's not healthy and you're not emotionally well.
And so ask me this question.
Is it okay if I show up to work, and I run an empire, and I'm not healthy, and I'm not
emotionally well?
My answer to you is, you know what?
No, you're not.
Go home and get your head straight.
Take a nap, get rested.
Get rid of the stress.
Get rid of the anxiety, and come back when you can be the boss that your employees and
your team needs you to be.
Because if you don't have the backbone to run your company, your employees are going
to take it away from you.
We've heard all kinds of stories about employees hijacking the company from the employers.
Or they hijack the customers and they run off and they start their own business.
If you run a company that people don't want to be a part of, they're not going to stick around.
At all.
Under any circumstances.
So if you're being too nice and you're giving lots of leeway, you're being the nice guy
and you're not saying anything because you've got this fake smile on your face, and you're
just going to play nice because you want everybody to like you.
I got news for you.
You're going to be out of business.
It doesn't matter if you run a company and people like you or not.
It really doesn't matter.
The goal in business is to earn money to pay your bills.
And if you're doing all kinds of extra nice things, working a half hour extra for a customer
because you are nice, that's not going to put money in your pocket.
That defeats the end goal.
If you have employees that come in and they are late, that defeats the end goal.
Because you don't have people that have your back that are going to help you run the empire.
What you have is people that are pushing you around, and now you are working overtime,
and you are overworked, and you are stressed because you don't have those boundaries in place.
So my suggestion to you is this.
Stop what you're doing right now, because it's not working.
Take a huge step back and look at the niceness that you have.
And if you need to restructure your conversations with your group meetings, with your employees,
with your customers.
I don't know what's going on in the business, but what I suggest is this.
Restructure what you're going to say.
Think about it in your head and write it down if you have to.
And then when you get in front of your customers, or you get in front of your employees.
If you're no good at this and you can't wing it, read your script.
Just read it to them.
Say, hey, listen.
I prepared a few thoughts, I'm going to read this so I don't miss anything.
And then read your script.
Stay on book.
Stay on book and say, hey, listen, there's a new sheriff in town.
I'm here to regain control of the company that I built.
Right?
This is your little baby.
This is your responsibility.
And so if for some reason you're just being too nice, and you're being pushed around,
and you're being walked all over the top of, and they're taking advantage of you, you're
the only person that can fix it.
You are the only one.
And so I'm here to suggest this.
It's time.
It's time, if you're a really nice person and you're a people pleaser, cut it out.
Just cut it out, right?
You don't have to be mean and ugly, and you don't have to be a tyrant.
But what I'm suggesting is, you can be nice and friendly without being over friendly.
Without people pushing you around and taking advantage of you, because that's not healthy
and it's not wise.
Yeah.
All those things.
All right, until we meet again,
Leave the world a cleaner place than when you found it.
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