-Here's what everyone's talking about, you guys.
I saw that President Trump retweeted a 16-year-old
who posted a photo calling CNN "the fake news network."
When asked what it's like
to have a child follow you on twitter,
the 16-year-old said, "Pretty cool."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Listen it to this.
I guess some parents are planning
to boycott Disney World's Hall of Presidents
now that it features Trump.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Or, as their kid put it, "Oh, no.
Guess we'll just have to go on Splash Mountain again."
[ Laughter ]
"I don't wanna do that anyway."
You guys hear about this? Apparently, Trump puts up
a fake "Time" magazine cover of himself
at a bunch of his golf courses.
This is real. Take a look, take a look --
Well, it's real, but it's fake.
No. That's -- That's it.
It's not a real cover.
Yeah, totally made up.
Well, it turns out Trump actually has
a lot of other fake magazine covers hanging up, as well.
-Really? -Yeah, and we got a --
We got a hold of them. -We got 'em?
-Yep. -Great.
That's really convenient.
-For example -- For example, Trump has a "GQ" cover
hat says, "How to know your tie is too long.
Hint: It's never too long."
-Wow.
-Next, you have the cover of "Better Homes & Gardens."
It says, "Build your dream house and get Mexico to pay for it."
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally, he has a cover of "Cosmopolitan"
that says, "How to get out of the friend zone
with your wife."
-Hey-oh! -The friend zone?
[ Laughs ] The friend zone?
You guys, I saw yesterday Republican Senators
took busses to the White House to meet with Trump
about health care.
You can tell which Senators actually read the bill,
'cause they were the ones buckling their seat belts.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Oh, and check this out.
Elon Musk wants to build a tunnel
connecting downtown Chicago to O'Hare Airport.
Yeah, it would be modeled after the tunnel in New York
that connects LaGuardia to hell.
[ Laughter ]
Well, last night was another episode of "The Bachelorette,"
and this time --
[ Cheers and applause ]
I know, it's great. It's great.
This time, Rachel and Eric had a date in Copenhagen.
But the -- a stranger kind of stole the show.
Take a look at this.
♪♪
-I mean, I didn't even know you could do this in Copenhagen.
-I didn't know you could do this anywhere.
-Welcome to Denmark! -Hey!
[ Laughter ]
-That guy was such a drunken mess,
producers asked asked him to join the cast.
-Oh! -Yeah, now he's on the cast.
-That's great.
-And Facebook has a new feature that makes it easier
for friends to remember your birthday.
Or you can just be like most people
and post, "Thank you for all the birthday wishes"
until everyone says happy birthday.
That's another way to do it.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Thank you so much!
I saw that Britney Spears recently said
that it bothers her when people accuse her of lip-syncing.
Yeah.
She says that she just uses a playback track,
but that she's always singing when she performs.
Well, take a -- take a look at the interview.
-[Out of sync] I don't get it, you know?
Why would I lip-sync to my own songs?
I know the song.
[ Sneezes ]
-Yeah, she knows the songs. -Yeah, she knows it.
Nothing to sneeze at.
-Well, this made me laugh.
The other day, a man in Minnesota got arrested
and handed the officer
a Monopoly "Get Out of Jail Free" card.
[ Laughter ]
When he got to prison, his cell mate handed him
a card that said, "You just won a beauty contest."
"Oh, boy."
Ooh, boy.
[ Cheers and applause ]
And finally, this is pretty crazy.
A woman in South Carolina just gave birth
to 14-pound baby boy.
[ Audience ohh's ]
Doctor was like, "Congratulations, it's a man!"
[ Laughter ] We have a great show tonight.
Give it up for The Roots, everybody.
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