Hello InnerTubers, Did you know I had a baby? I did!
[upbeat intro music]
Presenting … my new baby.
1.75 ounces [squeal] isn't it gorgeous?
75 recipes. About 65 photographs,
or more if you consider just the mug shots of me.
Ah, and lovely color. Lovely color.
Yes, it's gonna breathe well.
Now all of you who have met my baby,
either because you've already pre-ordered it
or because you have it in your wonderful hands right now,
I'm sharing. I'm sharing my baby with the world.
Fuckers, we gonna shred! You have asked me
to tell you what you need for tools in your kitchen
to cook all the good shit in my baby.
In my baby. Oh, my baby.
Oh, wait. That looks like me. It is me.
Ha Ha! Isn't that fun?
Okay, look, all seriousness on the table here.
A lot of you are moving out for the first time.
You're getting your first apartment.
Or, some people have actually written that
they're breaking up and they're having to create a whole new kitchen.
Or others in a little bit better situation …
they've been living with roomies, and their roomies
had all the shit, now they need to buy their own shit.
So, you've asked me:
"Granny, what do I need in order to cook the shit in your cookbook?"
I gotcha covered, fuckers. I gotcha covered.
Now this is bare minimum, okay?
You can do with a lot more
but this is bare minimum according to … me …
because I'm a fuckin' expert at 74.
You know that, right?
Of course you do. You believe me. You better believe me.
You know there's actually a reason that I know this will work
because when you go stay at a Residence Inn or a
Towne Place Suites, you're gonna find the bare minimum of cooking shit in their hotels.
So, you know, my logic is great.
Let's talk about pans, okay?
You need a big pan. You need a medium pan,
and you need a little pan.
Now, it's super helpful if you have lids for these
but, check this out.
You could make a big pan the lid for the smaller pan.
So the only one you're gonna get trouble with is the big pan.
So, now, now what're you gonna do?
Try to get a lid for your big pan. Okay?
Now this has been around forever.
Look at this fucker! It's well used and well loved. This is a really helpful tool,
but it's not absolutely necessary. It's called a steamer basket and it fits in there
so that your veggies do not sit in the water and they cook evenly.
I'm gonna tell you something about spaghetti.
You're having company coming over
and they're big eaters like my twins?
You cannot serve them with a pan this big.
That's why 3 sizes of pans.
Big pan for the spaghetti. Middle pan for the sauce.
And little pan for whatever else
shit they wanna put on top of their spaghetti.
Okay? Why on earth do I have all these measuring cups?
Well, because some of them I got for free because people were giving shit away
at a garage sale. And it's just helpful if you have to measure a lot of ingredients
to make a particular dish, you have more than one.
4 cups. 2 cups. 1 cup and some extra.
This is 1 cup and believe it or not, so is this. But this has to be filled all the way
to the top. Finally, tools to use in the pans and in the measure cups. Well, actually, this
is for the fry pan. I'll get to the fry pans in a minute. I love this round slotted
spoon, because you can hold more shit with it. And you need a spoon with no holes. And
you gotta have whisks. And you might as well buy the ones that are silicone covered because
you never know what kind of pan or bowl you're gonna have to whisk in.
Bowls. I said "bowls" not "balls."
Typically, if you buy stainless steel bowls,
you gotta buy 2 at a time, maybe 3 at a time in a set.
They're super cheap.
Maybe you can even find them in a thrift store
or at somebody's garage sale.
Or, you know, the neighbor down the street who died and
her kids are trying to get rid of her shit.
And my big-ass bowl. You have seen me use
this big-ass bowl everywhere.
So, that's bowls, and pans, and implements
and measuring cups. Right?
We're good with that.
You're probably at about $35 new if you go to a bargain
store and maybe even less than that at a second-hand store or somebody's garage sale.
Two frying pans: one small, one big.
For the same reason as the pasta pan, okay? It's simple.
You cook big shit in the big pan,
little shit in the little pan.
If you're trying to cook big shit in the little pan,
it's gonna take you twice as long –
and the title of the cookbook is "FAST as F*CK"
so why would you want it to take twice as long?
Fork you, or two.
It's a plastic fork, right? Watch it bend.
I've long been using Teflon pans
and then these ceramic ones (I think they're called).
I was whining a couple of videos ago
ago when I made the veggie casserole for the boys –
you remember the veggie enchilada thing? –
that I couldn't find these forks any more with the straight tines like this
and then about 150 million of you InnerTubers … you gave me some Amazon links, so I added
that shit to my store. Oh, did I tell you I have an Amazon store? I do. And all the
shit that I'm talking about is in my Amazon store, and there'll be a link down below
in the description. Or, go to a thrift store, you know. Whatever. I don't give a fuck
where you buy your shit. Just buy your shit. Hey kids, before I go any further, if you're
watching on YouTube, please click that little pink fucker down there in the corner. That's
my face and that says "SUBSCRIBE." And hit the little dinger bell so you get the
notifications. If you're watching on Facebook, well, you know, the FOLLOW button, okay? That's
all I need. Two more super important tools: the hamburger smasher upper, and the spaghetti
grabber. It's as important as the round slotted spoon, but it's not absolutely critical.
You don't have to have it. Oh, and for the spaghetti? Oh, my god. I almost forgot. How
could I forget? Oh, my aged, ancient, wonderful, love-you-forever, Tupperware colander. There's
a new one in my Amazon store. Sometimes you need a finer strain and that's why I like
this. Can you see me now? En guard! Ha Ha, fuckers, gotcha. Now listen, I'm not a big
fan of this particular type of strainer because around the edges here it can gather pieces
of food and it can just get kinda nasty. This is something I replace about every 3 years,
4 years, depends on how much I'm cooking with it. Couple of cookie sheets will do you
well 'cuz you can just buy those pre-made, what do you call 'em, Toll House cookie
things? Or the Pillsbury cut 'em off with a knife things? And make fresh cookies. You
know – uh, not Lorena Bobbitt, but you know what I mean. These are not very expensive
and I really think they will improve, not only the way your stuff cooks, but your cleanup.
So, we're just about covered with cooking and prep – well, prep comes before the cooking,
but some more really vital ingredients. Spatulas – 2 sizes. You need one to get inside little
containers. Knives! I love these knives! How many times have you seen me use my big-ass
purple knife? And, a knife sharpener. Now this I spent a little bit of money on, and
I wouldn't get a used one. Any kind of knife sharpener that you think you can use well
will make your cooking so much easier. Do not cook with a dull knife. You can get far
more hurt with a dull knife than you can with a sharp one. All right, fuckers, let's serve
this shit up. Okay? Now this is where you can really score at a second-hand store. You
don't have to buy new. Some of this stuff I have had for 40 years. At least 40 years.
These green bowls … I have 5 of 'em, I think, and one more that's a little bit
bigger. I got 'em at the supermarket. These bowls I found – I don't know, it was Ross
or TJ Maxx or one of them. These white dishes? Garage sale! I got a service for 12 at a garage
sale. So, you know, don't go blowing your money. Just … just … chill. Silverware:
knives, forks, spoons. And be sure to get big spoons. I'd much rather have a big spoon
than a little spoon because I've got a big fuckin' mouth. Don't you go there! Don't
you dare! Are you ready for my most indispensable tool? My absolute most indispensable tool?
The ice cream scoop. Because … if you try to scoop out ice cream with a spoon, you're
gonna bend that fucker, particularly if you have cheap spoons. And, really, you deserve
a decent ice cream scoop. You know, I could give you guys a tour of my kitchen. Remember,
I'm 74 … I've been cooking for at least … 60 years – at least – and so I've
accumulated a lot of shit. I've also managed to give away a lot of shit. I just want you
to be sensible. Okay? And I want you to feel confident that you have the tools that you
need to cook up really good meals. You see that little bowl on the cover? It's not
very big and it's not expensive. This is FAST AS F*CK cookbook and pretty much my guarantee
is that you can cook something really yummy in under 20 minutes for under 20 bucks and
you don't need fancy shit in your kitchen. I don't have fancy shit in my kitchen. I
… I just don't. I just make do. And my twins. I hope you're following my twins.
RKVC – popping up right now.
I also love tinysponsor who helps me with the editing.
They are creator-first and you just gotta check 'em out.
If you're watching on Facebook,
there should be a video that gets suggested … I dunno … this side or that side. Just
stay and watch my shit. And share my shit with everybody.
If you're watching on YouTube,
there's a couple of videos popping up right here that will show you some more amazing
cooking shit. Real recipes in these.
And, also, if you're watching on YouTube, there's
the subscribe thing again and there's the Patreon thing again. Just be part of my digital
family forever, because you know why …
[blows kiss]
Granny Loves You
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét