-Guys, from the new movie "A Star Is Born,"
Bradley Cooper is here tonight.
[ Cheers and applause ]
In the film -- In the film he plays a drunk
in the middle of a downward spiral.
Or as Brett Kavanaugh calls it, the feel-good movie of the year.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Let's get to some news here. Today at 2:18 p.m.,
as part of a new Emergency Alert System,
President Trump texted the entire country at once.
[ Light laughter ]
And Trump said whoever responded first
will officially become the next Supreme Court justice.
That's how they're doing it now. -That's fair.
-That's how they're doing it. [ Applause ]
That's right, there's a new FEMA alert system
that allowed Trump to text the whole country.
It's a historic moment, because it's the first time
Eric Trump has ever gotten a text from his dad.
[ Laughter ] He's like, "He knows who I am!
He knows who I am!"
[ Laughter ]
That's right, everybody got this on their phone.
Take a look at this.
It said, "Presidential Alert.
This is a test of the National Wireless Emergency Alert System.
No action is needed." A few minutes later,
Trump sent another one that said, "Presidential Alert.
Hand stuck in Pringles can again.
Action is needed!"
You're using it wrong. You're... [ Applause ]
Here's another big story.
"The New York Times" is reporting
that Trump got an allowance from his dad
that made him a millionaire by age 8.
And this is cute.
By age 9, he already filed for his first bankruptcy.
Isn't that -- Isn't that cute? -That's cute.
[ Applause ] -That's right.
"The New York Times" did a story on Trump's finances
that was over 14,000 words long.
It took up so much space,
it even bled into the crossword puzzle.
And every answer had to do with Trump
and his understanding of taxes. Here, take a look at this.
For 11 down, the clue was, "Where to keep tax forms."
The answer was, "bonfire."
[ Laughter ]
For 7 across, the clue was "1099."
The answer was, "Staffers fired."
There's thousands -- -Thousands.
-And finally, for 24 across, the clue was, "Early withdrawal"
and the answer was "Stormy."
I mean, pretty tricky.
-Really?! [ Cheers and applause ]
-Pretty tricky answers. -[ Laughs ]
Trump's making headlines
for mocking Brett Kavanaugh's accuser.
Now, today Republican Senator Lindsey Graham talked about it.
Watch this.
-So President Trump went through a factual rendition
that I didn't particularly like, and I would tell him,
"Knock it off. You're not helping."
But it can be worse.
You can actually kill somebody's cat
and puncture their tires to get them to shut up.
So, you know, what he said --
-I don't even understand what that means.
[ Laughter ]
-What?!
Even Kanye was like,
"What the hell are you talking about, man?
What?" [ Laughter ]
[ As Graham ] "Kill a cat and puncture a tire."
[ Normal voice ] Guys, check this out.
Russian President Vladimir Putin just released
his official calendar for 2019.
Take a look at this.
-Brand-new 2019 Vladimir Putin calendars,
fresh on the stands in Russia.
There's Putin with a pup, Putin with a cub,
Putin on a horse in winter,
and even colder, Putin taking the Epiphany dip in ice water.
-Yeah, people said, "Who would buy that?"
Then, one guys was like,
[As Trump] "I'll take 1,000 copies."
[ Laughter and applause ]
Get this -- earlier today, Instagram was down for an hour.
[ Audience "Ews" ]
And then Americans said, "Why didn't we get
the emergency alert about that? That's a real emergency."
[ Applause ]
Hey, guys, the new cycle is so crazy
that sometimes you just want to close your eyes.
So we thought we'd quiz our audience on this week's news
and give them a chance to do just that.
It's time to play "News For Snooze."
Here we go.
-♪ News, snooze ♪
♪ News for Snooze ♪
-So, here's how this works.
I'm going to ask you some questions about the news.
If you get it right, you win
a "Tonight Show" sleep mask to sleep in.
Yeah. [ Light laughter ]
And if you get it wrong,
you get a "Tonight Show" sleep mask to hide behind.
[ Laughter ] That's right.
All right, raise your hand if you want to play
"News for Snooze." Anybody?
No one around here. Sure, stand up.
Everyone's like, "Not me, not me."
Here you go. Hold that. What's your name?
-Scott. -And where are you from, Scott?
-Oklahoma City. -Hey, welcome!
Thank you for being here in New York.
Here's the question.
"This week, 'The New York Times' published a report
saying that Donald Trump received millions of dollars
tax-free from his father, Fred Trump.
Which one of these men are Fred Trump?"
Is it "A"...
is it "B"...
is it "C"... [ Laughter ]
...or is it "D"?
[ Laughter ] What do you think?
Which of those -- -I'll have to go with "B."
-You're going with "B." Ew, sorry.
[ Buzzer ] That's wrong.
That was actually Mr. Drummond from "Diff'rent Strokes"
down there. [ Laughter ]
But here's your mask to hide behind.
You should be ashamed of yourself.
Yeah, go put that and hide behind that.
Who else? Who else? Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Here, that's for you. Hi.
-Hi. -Okay, here you go.
What is your name, and where are you from?
-My name is Ember, and I'm from Arkansas.
-Hey, all right! -Next to Oklahoma.
-Exactly. Right? You guys came on the same plane.
Here we go. Here's the question.
This week, Melania Trump is on a humanitarian trip
to four countries in Africa.
Which one of these women is Melania Trump?
Is it "A," this woman?
Is it "B, this woman?
Is it "C," this woman?
Or is it "D," this woman?
[ Laughter ]
-A, B, C, D? [ Laughter ]
-Incorrect. [ Buzzer ]
None of those. They're all Sofía Vergara.
That was a trick question. [ Audience groans ]
Sorry. here's your -- Sorry about that.
No more trick questions. Yeah, put that hat on there.
You should be ashamed. How about down here?
I'll go back down here. Anyone down there?
Here you go. Hey, stand up.
-Hey. Hi. Hi. -Oh, good.
You want me to hold it? -I can hold it.
-Yeah, sure. Hey. -Thanks, Jimmy.
-Okay, what is your name, and where are you from?
-I'm Allison. I live in Hell's Kitchen.
-Hey! -Hey! New York.
There you go -- Midtown. A little Manhattan.
-Thank you for your support. Thank you.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-I love Hell's Kitchen. -That means a lot.
-Yeah, cool, yeah. -Thank you so much.
-All right, now, this is in the news currently, right here.
-Oh, God. -23 years ago this month,
the number-one song in the country was
Coolio's "Gangsta's Paradise." -Okay.
-Please complete the following lyric from the song.
-Oh, God.
-"Power and the money. money and the power,
minute after minute..." -"Hour after hour."
-Uh, "Hour after hour." -Oh, my gosh!
How did you guess that?! Fantastic!
Here's your "Tonight Show" sleep mask!
That's what friends are for. -Thank you!
-Thank you for playing that!
-[ Rapping ] ♪ Power and the money ♪
♪ Money and the power ♪
♪ Minute after minute ♪
♪ Hour after hour ♪
Oh, my goodness. Fantastic.
That's what friends are for --
helping each other out, right there.
I love it. Finally, guys -- this is cool --
25 years after its release, the cartoon show "Animaniacs"
just updated it's famous song
about all the countries on Earth.
And if you're not familiar with the song, here's a sample.
♪♪
- ♪ United States, Canada, Mexico, Panama ♪
♪ Haiti, Jamaica, Peru ♪
♪ Republic Dominican, Cuba, Caribbean ♪
♪ Greenland, El Salvador, too ♪
-Yeah, well, I guess the song is
a big source of inspiration for President Trump,
'cause he just made his own video.
Take a look at this.
♪♪
-The the world is a mess.
Ukraine is a mess.
Venezuela's a mess.
And so is Afghanistan.
And now Yemen's a mess and Syria's a mess.
China and Japan -- can you handle both of them?
When Mexico sends its people, they're not sending their best.
Canada does not treat us right.
The war will help with the rest.
Germany's a disaster right now.
A lot of problems in Vietnam.
I never knew we had so many countries
like Namibia, Cuba, and Guam.
[ Laughter ] Thank you.
Russia's our foe in certain respects.
Our policy can't be soft.
Other countries have taken advantage of us.
Canada's ripping us off.
We got China ripping us off. Japan ripping us off.
Mexico's ripping us off. Everybody is ripping us off
There's nobody that's not ripping us off.
And they are ripping us big-league, right?
-Ha-ha! [ Cheers and applause ]
We have a great show tonight! Give it up for The Roots!
For more infomation >> اندرتيكر" على طبيعته لأول مره - مقابله خاصه معه " كامله و مترجم للعربيه "- ( 2018 ) HD - Duration: 37:38. 
For more infomation >> MELANIA TRUMP IS 'VERY HONORED' TO VISIT OBAMA HALL AND FORMER SLAVE TRADING FORT WITHOUT PRESIDENT - Duration: 3:03. 
For more infomation >> Det handlar om dig - Duration: 0:16. 
For more infomation >> Det kan bli jobbigt - Duration: 0:16. 
For more infomation >> Det handlar om porr - Duration: 0:16. 
For more infomation >> Tin Thể Thao 24h Hôm Nay 04/10/2018: HAGL đứng thứ 8 thế giới về lượt xem trên Youtube - Duration: 1:57. 
For more infomation >> Katalog Tupperware Flyer Oktober 2018 | Tupperware India - Duration: 11:01. 
Không có nhận xét nào:
Đăng nhận xét