-You guys, today was the 20th day of the government shutdown.
A lot of people are saying
that President Trump has backed himself into a corner.
And Trump said, "That's impossible.
The Oval Office doesn't have any corners."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"I'm not an idiot."
[ Applause continues ]
That's right -- it's Day 20.
Everyone's fighting. People are exhausted.
There's no end in sight.
It's basically like playing a game of "Monopoly"
with your family.
It's like, "Oh, just..." [ Cheers and applause ]
"Just bankrupt me, Dad!"
[ Applause continues ]
I saw that, today, federal workers protested the shutdown
outside the White House.
It didn't help when Trump opened a window and yelled,
"Don't you have jobs to go to?!"
[ Applause ]
It's not good. Due to the shutdown,
the FDA has rolled back their food inspections,
or as romaine lettuce put it,
"I'm back, baby! Yeah, boy! Whoo! Whoo! Whoo!"
♪ The Venga bus is comin' ♪
♪ Ba-ba ba-ba ba-ba ♪
♪ New York and San Francisco ♪
[ Rhythmic clapping ]
-Romaine.
-Oh. [ Laughter ]
Guys, today, President Trump flew to Texas
and visited the southern border.
But before leaving for Texas,
Trump spoke to reporters about the shutdown
and said Democrats have been taken over
by young crazy people. -Oh.
-Yeah, because when I see this picture,
I think, "What a bunch of young crazy people."
[ Laughter and applause ] -Whoo!
[ Applause ]
-Ahh. -But earlier today,
Trump claimed that he didn't throw a temper tantrum
during his meeting with Democrats.
Check this out.
-I didn't pound on tables.
I didn't raise my voice. That was a lie.
I didn't smash the table.
I should have, but I didn't smash the table.
[ Laughter ]
-He sounds like the Hulk apologizing.
"Trump no yell.
Trump no smash." [ Laughter ]
"Trump no smash.
No yelling and smashing." [ Laughter ]
"I should have smashed, but I didn't yell."
[ Laughter ] -Yeah!
-Today, Trump also said
he's prepared to declare a national emergency
to get money for his border wall.
It's pretty historic for Trump.
This will be the first thing he declares that's not bankruptcy.
[ Laughter ] Hey, oh!
-Oh, hey, mm!
[ Cheers and applause ] -Mm!
Well, I saw that
"Fox & Friends" host Brian Kilmeade
said Trump using a national emergency
to get the wall would set a terrible precedent.
And Trump said, "Wait. What did you just call me?
I'm a great precedent."
[ Laughter ] "I'm a great precedent."
He thought he said...
-"President." -That's correct.
-But he didn't -- he said "precedent."
-What's that?
-He said "precedent," not "president."
That was the confusion. -That's correct.
-'Cause you -- No, he thought that Brian,
the guy from Fox said that he was a bad president.
-Right, but he didn't. -What's that?
-He said he set a bad precedent, not president.
Trump thought, in your joke construction,
thought that he said "president."
[ Laughter ] -That's correct.
-But in fact, the word used was "precedent,"
which is very close, but since Trump is known
for malapropisms and stuff like that...
-Sure, sure, sure, sure. Sure, sure.
-The humor is in that he heard the wrong word,
but then still used that wrong word to explain himself,
whereas a normal person would say,
"Oh, I'm not a bad president,"
he said "bad precedent" again, not realiz--
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ] In case you were wondering.
-Oh, I get it now. -You know what I mean?
-[ Laughs ] [ Applause continues ]
-Oh, I just wanted -- -Do you get it now?
-Well, because of the construction of the joke,
that's hilarious. -Yeah, yeah.
[ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ]
-Guys, did you hear about this?
Mattel just came out with a new Magic 8 Ball
called the Trump Magic 8 Ball.
It's like a Magic 8 Ball,
but with Trump answering your questions.
And good news -- we actually have one here.
It's time for "Trump Magic 8 Ball."
Here we go. [ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Trump Magic 8 Ball ♪
♪ Trump has an 8 Ball ♪ -♪ Yeah ♪
-This Magic 8 Ball is filled
with the wisdom of President Trump.
You can ask it any personal question you want,
as long as it's a yes-or-no question.
Then you give it a shake,
and the President of the United States
will answer your question.
Who wants to give it a try?
One person, perfect.
All right, I guess you will give it a try.
Stand up, buddy.
Hey, what's your name and where are you from?
-I'm Dan. I'm from Orlando, Florida.
-Orlando, hey! -Yeah.
[ Cheers and applause ] -Have you --
Have you gone on our ride yet? -No.
-Wait. What are you talking about?
We have a ride. -I know.
-It's just like being here. But I guess you just wanted...
-I'm sorry. Yeah, I wanted the real thing.
-You wanted the real thing. -That's what I should've...
-Yeah, absolutely, yeah. -Yeah, yeah.
-How close are you to the theme park?
-Like 20ish minutes. -[ Chuckling ] What?
[ Laughter ] Have you been to the --
We have a -- our own roller coaster.
-Yeah. -Yeah.
-I've heard about it. I just haven't gone. I'm sorry.
I wanted to go to the real thing.
-It's a good roller coaster. It's like a good --
-I'll try it out. Yeah, I'll try it out.
[ Laughter ]
Sorry. -No, it's okay.
Are you from Canada, as well?
-No, well -- No, why? -Cause I thought you just said,
[Canadian accent] "I'll try it out.
I'll try it out." -Oh, did I say it like that?
-Yeah, I think you did. -I didn't mean to.
-Well, you'll see it back on TV, and you'll be like...
[ Laughter ] All right.
Anyways, what personal question
would you like to ask the Trump Magic 8 Ball?
-Let me think. -Could be anything.
-I want to know,
can I eat 80 chicken nuggets in one sitting?
[ Light laughter ] That's what I want to know.
-That's the question you would like to ask
the Trump Magic 8 Ball? -Yes, yes.
-Any question you want to ask. You want to ask if you can 80...
-Can I eat 80 chicken nuggets in one sitting? 80. 8-0.
-You want to ask the President that instead of...
-Yes, that's what's most important to me.
-...instead of yourself.
Okay, understood. -Yeah.
-Trump Magic 8 Ball,
can he eat 80 chicken nuggets in one sitting?
Is that correct? -Yes.
-I think you probably could.
-You tell me what you think.
I don't think so. I don't think.
-He says he doesn't -- He says he doesn't think so.
[ Applause ] -It's a bummer.
-Go to the theme park. Go to the theme --
Who else? Raise your hand.
[ Cheers and applause ] Who else?
Yes, sure. Get up, sure. Hey.
How you doing? How you doing? -Hi. I'm Melissa.
-Melissa, where are you from? -Long Island, New York.
-Long Island! I love it! [ Cheers and applause ]
Melissa, have you been on our roller coaster on Long Island?
No, I'm just kidding. We don't have one.
-Yeah, I was just gonna say --
I have no idea. -No. Yeah, thank you.
What personal question would you like to ask
the Trump Magic 8 Ball?
-Um...
Jimmy, can I have $100?
[ Light laughter ]
-From the 8 Ball?
[ Laughter ]
I mean, are you asking me for $100?
-Yeah. -All right.
I think I know what the answer is.
[ Laughter ] I don't have any cash on me.
All right. Let's give it a shake.
-Okay, Magic 8 Ball, can I have $100?
-President Trump, do you think I should give --
am I going to give this person $100?
-You can't ask for that. How ridiculous!
[ Applause ] -Fair enough.
-Right. Thank you. He's right. He's right.
Who's -- Who's -- Who else?
Yes, hey, buddy. Come on, stand up.
[ Cheers and applause ] How you doing, pal?
Nice to see you, buddy.
What is your name, and where are you from?
-My name's Joe, and I'm from Jersey.
-Yes, New Jersey in the house.
Come on! [ Cheers and applause ]
Joe from Jersey, we have the Trump Magic 8 Ball here.
You can ask it anything.
People have asked it, can they eat 80 chicken nuggets?
Someone tried to have it convince me to give them $100.
You can ask anything. It's a Magic 8 Ball.
What would you like to ask the Trump Magic 8 Ball?
-Will I ever be able to do the Floss dance?
[ Laughter ]
-Wow. I mean, that's a tough dance.
The Floss dance -- I know. I see the disappointment.
[ Laughter ]
It looks like you've tried to do it in the past,
and you've failed.
Okay, is there a need to do the Floss dance, or not really?
-Not really. -Not really. Of course.
All right, well, it's a great question.
Let's give it a shake.
Let's see what President Trump has to say.
Will he ever be able to do the Floss dance?
-We're gonna very soon find out.
Maybe I'm not right, but, usually, I'm right.
[ Laughter ]
-That's -- That's a cryptic answer.
But maybe we will find out.
Roots, do you have a beat? Maybe.
[ Mid-tempo music plays ] I mean, you're on TV.
[ Cheers and applause ] You're on TV.
-Why not?
-Do you have a family or kids watching?
-They're gonna be so embarrassed.
-Do you have kids watching? -I do. I have two.
-Oh, you have two kids. What's their names?
-Lorelai and Matthias. -Check out your dad
doing the Floss dance on national television.
Go for it. Try it.
[ Cheers and applause ]
♪♪
-[ Laughs ]
Oh, my God.
-What? What just happened?
Thank you for playing.
That's all the time we have
for Trump Magic 8 Ball, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ 8 Ball, Trump Magic 8 -- 8 Ball ♪
♪ Trump Magic 8 Ball ♪
-Oh! That was fantastic.
That was pretty good, actually. -[ Laughs ]
I liked it.
Oh, guys, listen to this -- today, Lady Gaga apologized
for making a song with R. Kelly back in 2013.
Gaga says she hopes her fans can move on
from this embarrassing moment
and enjoy her new duet with Kevin Spacey.
[ Audience groans ] Now, hey, guys, I get --
-[ Laughs ]
[ Laughter ] -Whoo!
[ Laughing ]
-And finally, it was reported that,
during his meeting with Democrats yesterday,
Trump got so mad that he stormed out of the room.
It was the first time Trump did something stormy
without having to pay $130,000. [ Cheers and applause ]
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for The Roots!
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