-It is time once again for "Popsicle Schtick."
♪♪
For those of you who don't know,
this is a bit where my writers come up with bad jokes,
terrible jokes, jokes so bad they don't even deserve
to be on a popsicle stick.
And then they try to save these jokes
with what they call "kick-ass graphics."
[ Laughter ]
Here we go.
Who is the Norwegian Indiana Jones?
Harrison Fjord. [ Laughter ]
Popsicle schtick!
[ Laughter ]
-Next up, what's a mohel's
favorite part of a basketball game?
Tip-off.
[ Laughter ]
[ "YMCA" plays ]
♪ Young Seth ♪
♪ There's a bit you can do ♪
♪ I said young Seth ♪
♪ When you want something new, you can do it ♪
♪ Anytime, anyway ♪
♪ So long as it's a slow news day ♪
♪♪
♪ It's fun to do a new Popsicle Schtick ♪
♪ It's fun to do a new Popsicle Schtick ♪
♪ It has everything ♪
♪ That you want in a bit ♪
♪ It's got hard little wooden sticks ♪
Come on, boys!
♪ Popsicle Schtick ♪
♪ It's fun to do a new Popsicle Schtick ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
-That seemed troublingly long for the second one.
[ Laughter ]
What did Mike Pence say
when he saw a lesbian couple kiss at their wedding?
"Get a groom."
[ Laughter ]
-The popsicles are coming! The popsicles are coming!
Man the positions! The popsicles are coming!
[ Murmuring ]
-Ohh! Ohh! Aah!
Oh, that's broken.
[ Horses galloping ]
Aah! Ohh! [ Groaning ]
Unh!
Aw, give me a [bleep] break! A tank?
No, no, no, no, no!
Ohh!
God, a tank!
Seth. Seth, look at me.
[ Laughter ]
Tell my family... I tried.
[ Croaking ]
Unh.
-All right.
[ Laughter and applause ]
Next.
Uh, wait a minute.
The Schtick's body is still here.
Hey, my writer Ian comes up with these.
Ian, can we get rid of this body?
-You got to call the Popsicle Schtick
body-removal crew.
-The what?
-Just say, "I summon the Popsicle Schtick
body-removal crew."
-Do I have to?
-I'm sorry to say you do.
-I summon the Popsicle Schtick body-removal crew.
[ Helicopter blades whirring ]
[ Laughter ]
-See ya later!
[ Applause ]
-Was that necessary?
-Yes, it was.
[ Laughter ]
[ Applause ]
-And, finally -- Boy...
[ Laughter ]
Finally, what does my proctologist say
when it's time for my annual checkup?
"It's time for a grosser look."
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
[ Thunder rumbles ]
[ Groaning ]
-♪ Do you hear the popsicle sing ♪
♪ Singing the songs of angry Schticks ♪
♪ It is the music of the popsicles ♪
♪ Who tried to save the quips ♪
♪ When the punch line isn't smart ♪
♪ And the audience is pissed ♪
♪ There is a life about to start in tomorrow's Schticks ♪
♪ Will you join in our charade ♪
♪ Who will be strange and stand with me? ♪
-♪ Beyond "A Closer Look" ♪
-♪ Is there a show you long to see ♪
♪ Then join in the Schtick ♪
♪ That will give you the kick to be free ♪
♪ Do you hear the popsicle sing ♪
♪ Singing the songs of angry Schticks ♪
♪ It is the music of the popsicles ♪
♪ Who tried to save the quips ♪
♪ When the punch line isn't smart ♪
♪ And the audience is pissed ♪
♪ There is a life about to start in tomorrow's Schticks ♪
-♪ There is a castle on a Schtick ♪
-No. -Unh!
♪♪
♪ Master of the Schtick ♪
♪ Best bit on the show ♪
♪ If it doesn't win an Emmy, then Seth's got to go ♪
♪ Tells a little tale ♪
♪ After every joke ♪
♪ The audience will think we did a bunch of coke ♪
♪ Glad to add a bit of flavor ♪
♪ Doesn't cost me to be nice ♪
♪ 'Cause bad jokes get you nothing ♪
♪ Without a little frozen ice ♪
♪ Master of the Schtick ♪ -Hey!
-♪ Taking way too long ♪ -Ho!
-♪ Can't believe we did another verse of this song ♪
-No! -♪ Going off the rails ♪
-Yes! -♪ Better end it quick ♪
-Please! -♪ Time to transition ♪
♪ With the dynamite sti-- ♪ [ Explosion ]
[ Laughter ]
-Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome a very special guest,
Ms. Susan Boyle Schtick.
[ Laughter ]
♪♪
-♪ I Schticked a Schtick ♪
♪ In times gone by ♪
♪ When jokes were bad and puns worth telling ♪
♪ I Schtick to the graphics ♪
♪ Would be fine ♪
♪ I Schtick to that Seth ♪
♪ Would not start yelling ♪
♪♪
♪ I had a dream this Schtick would be ♪
♪ So different from this hell we're living ♪
♪ No type of Trump, no politics ♪
♪ That dream has killed ♪
♪ The Schtick ♪
♪ I Schticked ♪
[ Laughter ]
-♪ One Schtick more ♪
-♪ He will join these Popsicle Schticks ♪
♪ We will follow where they go ♪
♪ We will learn that pun construction ♪
♪ We'll know they've done little jokes ♪
♪ One more Schtick to revolution ♪
♪ We will nip it in the bud ♪
♪ We'll be ready for these popsicles ♪
♪ Popsicle is the Judgment Day ♪
♪ Popsicle we'll discover what our Schtick in heaven ♪
♪ Has in store ♪
♪ One more pun ♪
♪ One more Schtick ♪
♪ One Schtick m-o-o-o-ore ♪
[ Cheers and applause ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
-[ Screaming ]
[ Cheers and applause continues ]
-Not a bad piece to have if you've lost your voice.
We'll be right back. Oh, boy.
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