I'm not a stalker, all right?
I had a heavy bondage scene with your mentally-challenged friend
and that was it.
Our friend Wood is not "mentally-challenged".
Well...
♪Where the bears are We wanna be♪
SEASON 7: EPISODE 5 STALKING BEARS
Well, he's just a little learning-disabled.
Dude, your friend is dumb.
Yeah, when I actually asked him if he wanted to role play,
- he thought I was talking about baking. - Oh.
Okay, we know our friend is dumb, but how do we know you didn't sneak back
into our house yesterday and leave us all these notes?
- Yeah. - Because I worked a double.
All right, here's my timesheet. Take a look.
- Yeah, let's see that timesheet. - (scoffs)
Okay, do me a favor.
On this sheet of paper, write the words, "You hairy fuck, I'm going to kill you."
No, actually write, "You fat hairy fuck, I'm going to kill you,"
because that's what my note said, Finn. Can you believe that?
I've been doing martial arts training, I've been dieting,
a shake for breakfast, a shake for lunch, and a sensible dinner.
Nelson, shhh.
There. Satisfied?
Oh, fuck. It's different handwriting.
- So now what are we gonna do? - You know, there's nobody here.
We're alone.
I could tie you guys up and fuck the shit out of you
in one of these World War 2 fighter planes.
We should go.
(door opens)
What was that?
I don't know.
Stay here.
(object clatters on ground)
- Finn, are you okay? - Hello?
- (gunfire) - Fuck!
Todd, get out of the way!
(gasping)
(gunfire)
(muffled) Todd! Todd, take cover!
Todd, get out of the way!
What's wrong with you? Todd, come here!
- (gunfire) - What is the matter with you?
Do something! Where's your gun?!
(gunfire)
(gunfire)
(multiple gunfire)
(multiple gunfire)
(multiple gunfire)
(door opens and closes)
Are you okay?
Yeah, I think so.
What just happened?
So you're the "Modern Bear" guys, right?
- Yeah, I'm Travis. - Hi. Reggie.
- And I'm Chris. - Hi.
- You're that TV host, aren't you? - Yes.
The one that makes everyone around him get murdered?
Well, I just happened to be there sometimes.
Let's keep our distance from this one.
Hey, fellas, look, I know there's some rumors floating around
about somebody trying to sabotage the pageant.
But those rumors are totally false.
They are?
How do you explain the marbles breaking that poor kid's leg?
And what about that snake in Mr. Nebraska's gym bag?
Yeah, how do you explain that one, dear husband of mine?
Those marbles were used in a children's play that rehearsed here last month.
They probably just got dislodged and rolled out of the prop cabinet.
And we are in the desert, people.
I mean, there are rattlesnakes crawling around everywhere.
Now, the preliminary competition is over,
and the pool has been narrowed to the top ten.
And one of those remaining contestants will vie for the title
of "Mr. Bear America" this Saturday night.
Goodie.
(chattering)
Oh, congratulations on making the top ten, gentlemen.
- Thank you. - Take care.
Hey, Hunter, congratulations being the top ten, babe.
I'm proud of you.
Now let's go back to the blocking of the announcement of the winner.
So...
I cross over here and ask the judges for the results.
Thank you.
I take the envelope from them,
then I cross center stage, and I--
(all scream)
What the fuck is happening here?
All right, it's dead! Calm down, everyone!
Calm down!
Well, whoever the saboteur is, sure he's clever.
Spider is the name of the character you did on that soap opera.
A live tarantula? I could've been killed, for chrissake!
That's it. I quit, I'm out of here!
Skip, please wait!
Obviously, someone doesn't want this pageant to happen.
And I'm not about to get killed over some...
big, fat, gay bear beauty contest!
I'm quitting too.
Me too.
Danger follows you everywhere, doesn't it?
I think you should drop out too, Hunter. This is getting way too dangerous.
I am not about to quit.
I am a shoo-in to win.
Have you seen who made the top ten?
Talk about fugly.
You know what? Let's talk about this at the hotel. Come on, let's go.
Oh God, Reggie!
What am I gonna do about my pageant?
♪Where the bears are We wanna be♪
♪Where the bears are Where the bears are♪
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