-Let's get to some news here, guys.
I heard that President Trump
wants to fire his chief of staff, John Kelly.
Yeah, Kelly was shocked.
He was like, "Wait, I haven't already been fired?
I mean, what's -- I still work here?"
[ Cheers and applause ]
There are also reports that Trump wants to fire
his Homeland Security secretary, Kirstjen Nielsen.
[ Audience oohs ]
When asked who he liked to run Homeland Security,
Trump said, "Claire Danes.
She'd be perfect, absolutely perfect."
Some more news here.
Today, Trump took part in a ceremony to celebrate Diwali,
the Hindu festival of lights.
But at the event,
Trump had a little trouble lighting a candle.
Watch this.
[ Camera shutters clicking ]
[ Laughter ]
Trump was like -- He's like, "I got to be careful.
If this gets anywhere near my hair,
the whole place is going to blow.
Someone else do this."
Fwoo!
But since Diwali is India's biggest holiday of the year,
Trump decided to release a video
wishing a happy Diwali to several Indian cities.
Here, check this out.
[ As President Trump ] I want to wish a happy Divali
to all the cities in India.
Cities like Del-hi.
[ Laughter ]
Coca-Cola.
Mambo No. 5.
Victoria Beckham.
Bang Al Gore.
And my personal favorite, Spider-Man.
[ Laughter and applause ]
[ Normal voice ] He's trying. I don't know.
-Come on.
He don't know no better.
-Here's a big story.
This morning, CNN filed a lawsuit against President Trump.
When he found out, Trump was --
[ Cheers and applause ]
When he found out, Trump was furious.
He was like, "Crap, did I sleep with CNN?"
I thought we --
[ Laughter and applause ]
That's right, CNN filed a lawsuit against Trump
for taking away reporter Jim Acosta's press pass.
But this isn't the first time the White House
has had trouble with a press pass.
Listen to this. I saw this on the news today.
-There have been sort of notable problems with that process,
including in the Bush administration
when they gave a -- regularly, gave a day pass
to someone who turned out to be a male escort.
[ Laughter ]
-They knew something was up when he was the only reporter
wearing tear-away pants and a dog collar.
[ Laughter and applause ]
"Who's that guy? What network's he with?"
This is pretty cool.
There's a new pose everyone's doing online
called the Instasplit.
You guys heard about this?
Here's Victoria Beckham doing it.
And here's Katy Perry. She did it.
And Kate Beckinsale did it, yeah.
Pretty impressive.
Higgins, why don't you give it a try?
-Sure.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-James, do you want to give it a go?
-Don't think I can do that.
-Ah, come on, just try it, buddy.
-Fine.
[ Grunts ]
[ Laughter ] -Oh, yeah, hey.
Oh, my God. Oh.
[ Cheers and applause ]
How's he still playing the piano?
I have no idea.
-[ Grunts ]
-My God.
Hey, I heard today is World Kindness Day.
Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
There's been a lot of negativity in the world recently.
So in honor of World Kindness Day,
I thought it would be good if we went around
and said something nice about each other.
I'll go first.
Tariq, we've known each other for a few years.
And I have to say, not only are you a really talented person,
you're also a really great friend.
-Cool. [ Laughter ]
-Okay, it's your turn.
-Thanks, Jimmy. [ Light laughter ]
-I mean, you could say something.
You could say something now, if you want.
-I did. Thanks.
[ Laughter ]
-That's it?
-Yeah.
-Nothing else to add?
-Um, okay.
Nice tie.
[ Laughter ]
-That's it? -Yeah.
-Just that?
Nothing else?
-Yeah, I'm good.
[ Laughter ]
-Okay, well, I meant everything I said.
-Cool.
[ Laughter ]
-Nothing? You have nothing else to say?
-I mean, let me think.
No.
-But we're in front of all these people.
And I'm sure they'd like to hear some kindness right now.
Right, guys? [ Cheers and applause ]
-I think they want to hear jokes.
-No, they don't!
They want to hear you say something kind.
-Fine.
Hey, James, I appreciate you.
-No, no, no. Screw James.
I'm talking about me!
-What did I do?
[ Light laughter ]
-Yeah, Jimmy, that wasn't very kind.
-Eh, shut up.
-You shut up. -No, you shut up.
-I'll shut up when you shut up.
-No, you. -No, you!
-No, you! -No, you shut up!
-No, you shut up!
-Happy World Kindness Day from your friends at NBC.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Wow.
I'm going for the Emmy, you guys.
You guys hear about this?
Mattel just came out with a new Magic 8-Ball
called the Trump Magic 8-Ball.
It's like a Magic 8-Ball
but with Trump answering your questions.
Well, good news is we actually have one.
And he's going to answer your questions right now.
It's time for "Trump Magic 8-Ball."
Here we go. [ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Trump Magic 8-Ball ♪
♪ Trump Magic 8-Ball ♪
-Welcome to "Trump Magic 8-Ball."
This Magic 8-Ball is filled with the wisdom of President Trump.
You can ask it any personal question you want
as long as it's a yes or no question.
Then you give it a shake.
And the President of the United States
will answer your question.
Who wants to give it a try?
Come on. Anybody?
Come on. Come on.
There you go. You, there you go.
Stand up. How you doing, buddy?
You can take that. How you doing?
What's your name? -Rasmus.
-Rasmus? -Yeah.
-Hey, welcome to the show, Rasmus.
What is a personal question
you would like to ask the Trump Magic 8-Ball?
-Um, what do you eat for breakfast?
[ Laughter ]
Oh, is it the 8-Ball or him?
-Well, no, it's a yes or no answer.
So you could be like, "Did I eat breakfast?"
Or... [ Laughter ]
Would you -- Yeah.
Would you like to eat sausage for breakfast?
Something like that.
The answer has to be yes or no.
-Okay, okay.
Do you like English breakfast?
-Okay, there you go. Do you like English breakfast?
Let's hear what the President has to say,
if you want to hear this.
-I mean, yeah, I guess. Why not?
-There you go. Perfect, unbelievable.
Thank you, Rasmus. Appreciate it.
Anyone else? Yes. Hi.
Get over here.
Take your time. Take your time.
Here you go. Hey. -Hi.
-How you doing? -Big fan.
-Hey, I'm a fan of yours. How you doing?
What's your name? -Anupama.
-Anupama, where you from?
-Well, Jersey City.
-Hey. Jersey City.
-I was born and raised in Nepal, though.
-Is that right? -Yeah.
-Well, thank you for being on the show tonight.
You can ask any question you want.
And the Trump Magic 8-Ball will answer.
Do you have -- What question would you like to ask?
-Can I take a second? -Sure.
-Okay. All right, I'm ready.
-Okay, perfect. It really was --
You were really accurate. It was one second.
All right, here we go. Go ahead, ask.
-Will I win the next mega billion?
-Will you win the next mega billion?
What does the Trump Magic 8-Ball say?
-The odds are aren't looking so great right now.
-I'm so sorry about that. Well, it's just --
Sorry. It's not completely accurate.
I mean, he doesn't like English breakfast, either.
Anybody up here? Yeah, get over here.
Come on. Sure.
You can stand there if you want. Yeah, sure.
What's your name? -Emily.
-Emily, where you from? -Pennsylvania.
But I live here in New York. -But you here in New York?
-Yeah. -Hey, thanks for being here.
Emily, what is the question
you would like to ask the Trump Magic 8-Ball?
-Will you please resign?
[ Cheers and applause ]
-Are you going to resign?
-To me this is a very, very sexy subject.
I find it sexy.
-There you go.
That's all the time we have for the "Trump Magic 8-Ball."
[ Cheers and applause ]
It's a very sexy subject.
Guys, I read that New York street food vendors
are going to get letter grades from the health inspector
starting next month.
Yeah, which means we all have 30 more days
to enjoy hot dogs for the very last time.
Not going to -- Not gonna be good.
That's right, health inspectors
will give New York street food vendors letter grades.
So if you see a street car with the letters "A," "B," or "C,"
that's just the type of hepatitis you'll get.
[ Laughter ]
And finally, I saw that Monopoly
just released a new version of their game
called Monopoly for Millennials.
It's just like the original
except everyone starts with $60,000 of college debt.
We have a great show tonight. Give it up for the Roots.
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