-Guys, today is President Trump's 72nd birthday.
Everyone in the White House hid to jump out and yell
"Surprise," and while they were hiding,
they were like, "Hey, we found Melania."
And it was very -- very interesting.
[ Laughter ]
But everyone had a great time celebrating.
At one point, the staff brought out a piñata for Trump,
but the President just deported it.
[ Laughter ]
And then you go, "No, that's now how you play."
Check this out. A local news station in Connecticut
does a segment called birthday smiles,
and today they featured Trump.
But I'm not sure they used the best birthday smile photo.
Watch this.
-Thanks for staying with us here on news 12 Connecticut.
I'm Rick Holmes. It is time now for some birthday smiles.
And we start off with a very special birthday
to President Donald Trump. [ Laughter ]
-That is fantastic.
[ Applause ]
That was Trump's face when he heard
that he wasn't getting a bouncy castle.
"I'm sorry, sir. You're too big, sir."
Actually, Trump decided to make his own video
celebrating his birthday.
He tweeted this out this morning.
Check this out.
-That was June 14th...
♪ My birthday ♪
♪ We're gonna party like it's my birthday ♪
♪ We're gonna sip Bacardi like it's my birthday ♪
♪ And you know I don't give a [bleep] ♪
♪ It's not your birthday ♪
-Pretty good. I mean, that was a little risque.
-Wow!
-No words. -I'm shocked.
-Yeah, I know.
[ Applause ]
Some more political news. In November,
people in California will vote on whether they want to
break the state up into three smaller states.
The states would be Northern California,
Southern California,
and Kardashistan.
[ Laughter and applause ]
I think it's a good idea.
This made me laugh. Last night on CNN,
Don Lemon was talking to Carl Bernstein
and they tried to do a high five.
Take a look at how that went.
-I'm very good about -- -Maybe by reporting the truth,
we're going to prevail here. -Yes, thank you.
Give me a high five on that.
-That's what we really ought to --
-Give me a high five on that, Carl.
[ Laughter ]
-Reporting the -- that's our job.
[ Laughter, sad tuba plays ]
-That is pretty impressive.
They ruined a high five and a thumbs up at the same time.
It was very -- That's very rare.
Guys, this Sunday is Father's Day.
So, happy Father's Day, early.
[ Cheers and applause ]
With the big day coming up, a lot of people are shopping
for that perfect Father's Day card,
and while there are lots of good choices,
there are also some very unpopular cards out there.
For example, this card says,
"Dad, you taught me everything I know."
Open it up, it says,
"That's why I'm so messed up."
[ Laughter and applause ]
This next one says,
"This Father's Day, I'm giving
you something you'll love."
Open it up.
"I promise not to touch the thermostat."
[ Laughter ]
And finally this one says, "You're my best friend,
my inspiration, and my hero." Open it up.
"But I'm still not coming over to reset the Wifi."
[ Laughter and applause ]
I'm busy, Dad.
This is very interesting.
Vaccine researchers in St. Louis
are offering people $3,500
to be exposed to the flu for research purposes.
Joining us now to talk about that is "Tonight Show" writer
and St. Louis native Jo Firestone.
Jo, thank you. Oh, hey, Jo!
Thank you for being here. Oh, wow.
Thank you for being here. -[ Weakly ] Yeah, sure.
Thanks for having me, Jimmy.
I'm so happy to represent the Lou.
We got the Arch, we got Chuck Berry,
and now we got the paid flu, baby.
[ Laughter ]
-Right. So how do you feel about all this?
-Uh, if I'm honest, not good.
I mean, I've been living in New York City for years,
just getting the flu for free this whole time.
[ Laughter ] -Yeah.
Oh, I'm sorry about that.
-Yeah, I mean, I'm getting it on the subway,
waiting for the subway, on my way out of the subway.
-Yeah. Mostly just the subway.
-Yeah, spend a lot of time there.
I got a long commute, plus I don't wash my hands.
[ Laughter ]
-Well, have you ever considered using Purell
or something like that? -Oh, Jimmy,
I didn't move to New York City to use Purell on my hands.
[ Laughter ] -Is that right?
-It's the cheapest alcohol you can get.
[ Laughter ] -Oh, my goodness.
-This city's expensive.
-So you're not happy with the fact that they're
paying people to get the flu in St. Louis.
-All I'm saying is equal pay for equal flu.
[ Light laughter ]
If I would have known I could make a living getting the flu
in St. Louis, I never would have left.
Instead I moved to New York, City of Flu Dreams,
uh, the Flu Apple,
Flu York City. Damn it, I should have used that first one.
-Yeah, you should have. Yeah, probably, yeah, yeah.
-Yeah, I mean, for $3,500,
I can start using this Purell on my hands.
Cheers. [ Laughter ]
-Oh, my God. Get out of here. You shouldn't be at work.
No! I'm not slapping your --
[ Cheers and applause ]
Get out of here. Jo Firestone, everybody.
[ Cheers and applause ]
She drinks Purell. Terrible.
And finally, I saw that Applebee's is offering
$1 Long Island iced teas for the entire month of June.
So if someone tells you they just spent $20 at Applebee's,
get them to a hospital.
You guys, we have a great show. Give it up for The Roots!

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