-Today is Friday.
That's usually when I catch up
on some personal stuff.
You know, I check my in-box and return some e-mails
and, of course, I send out thank-you notes.
And I was running a bit...
[ Cheers and applause ]
...running a bit behind today, so I thought,
if you guys wouldn't mind,
I'd just like to write out my weekly thank-you
notes, right now.
Is that cool with you?
[ Cheers and applause ]
Uh, James, could I get some thank-you-note-writing music,
please?
♪♪
[ Laughter ]
He's always in such a great mood.
-Wow. He is.
Wow.
[ Laughter ]
-Geez.
-Thank you, cover of Bob Woodward's new book, "Fear,"
for looking like a gritty biography
about the Kool-Aid man.
-Oh, yeah!
-Oh, yeah!
Goodbye, Kool-Aid man.
♪♪
-Thank you, touchdown dances, for giving me a 5-second preview
of what each player looks like after his third martini
at a wedding.
[ Laughter ]
-La-lola-la.
-Yeah, I thought about that, too.
-Yeah.
-Did I just vibe that to you, then?
-Vibed it? I think you super-vibed it to me.
♪ Havana, ooh na-na ♪
Yeah, I thought that, too.
-[ Vocalizing ]
-Is that the words?
-Yeah.
-Thank you, s'mores, for letting me eat the stickiest, messiest
snack in the world, miles away from the nearest bathroom.
[ Laughter, applause ]
-Give me some dirt.
-Thank you, dorms with bunk beds, for helping students
officially enter adulthood by feeling like an 8-year-old
child.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you, song I set as my alarm.
It's nice to take something I love and slowly turn it
into something I'll hate for the rest of my life.
[ Cheers and applause ]
-♪ Havana, ooh na-na ♪
♪ Havana, ooh na-na ♪
[ Vocalizing ]
-Was that...
-Ble-ble-ble-ble-ble.
[ Mumbling ]
Ble-ble-ble-ble-ble.
[ Laughing ]
Is that your ice cream phone?
-I thought my ice cream phone was ringing.
-No, no, no.
-Oh, I think it is.
-Oh. Ble-ble-ble-ble-ble.
[ Clicking ]
-Hello?
-Hello.
-Hey, what's up, man?
-Hey. Who dis?
-It's Jimmy. You called me.
-Oh, man, I must've dialed the wrong number.
-Who were you looking for?
-Camila Cabello.
[Laughter ]
-Camila Cabello?
-Camila Cabello. Yeah.
-Uh, no, she's not here.
-Ah. Do you know where she is?
-Do I know where -- -Yeah.
-Do I know where Camila Cabello is?
-What city is she in?
-I do know where she is.
-Well, where is she?
Could you please tell me?
-I do know where she is.
-Where is she?
-She's in...
Havana, ooh na-na
[ Cheers and applause ]
All right, I got to call you later.
I got to call you later.
[ Chuckles ]
Oh, God.
-Sorry, I didn't catch that.
-All right, thank you, Siri.
I turned Siri on by mistake.
-Sorry, Siri, Siri.
♪♪
-Thank you, chips and guac as an appetizer,
for letting me fill up on four entire avocados
before eating a six-pound burrito.
[ Cheers and applause ]
I, uh...
-I can't.
-Thank you, pull-out couches, for giving a good night's rest
to about 10% of my body.
[ Laughter ]
Thank you, powdered sugar, for being something you use
in a recipe once, then keep in your pantry
for the next 40 years.
Guys, those are my thank-you notes.
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