Hey there!
No time to fool around – I'm Kallan, here to upgrade your English!
And you, you are someone who is about to become a lot more confident, speak a lot more easily,
and just enjoy life a lot more.
Why not?
My question for you today, your assignment should you accept it – you should! – what
is the most important skill for making conversation.
What have you noticed in other people?
For me, I think it's listening.
Listening well allows you to carry a conversation, to talk about the other person, that's what
people want.
Put your thoughts in the comments.
Before we start you can get more practice by listening to the podcast, The Fluency Bookclub
podcast, you can get your free version of the audiobook or get your own physical copy
of the book to practice anywhere!
Those links are down there in the description.
If you are feeling so kind, definitely give this video a like – thank you!
And subscribe and click the bell if you want to know when the newest videos are available.
Finally, go down here, the three dots – uno, dos, tres – and click open transcript, it
will be so much easier to read with me!
Okay it's time to start Chapter 3! NERVES AND HOW TO CALM THEM We cross the threshold
into the party.
We deliver the wine we brought, Hug the host, smile, and Excitedly catch up with her.
But then the host has dozens of other guests to attend to.
She disappears as the doorbell rings.
Now what do we do?
The party seems full of people who are frightening to approach.
People who may not like us, it's certainly a possibility.
We imagine walking up to someone and starting a conversation.
But we wonder, Will they like us?
WHat will they think of us?
Facing rejection is tough, but no matter how small it is, even if someone we don't know
at all rejects us, we wonder why and may go down a spiral in our head of thinking why
and getting down on ourselves.
Facing all that overthinking, when a party is just supposed to be fun, can be hard!
So how can we overcome nerves.
Very true!
I think we've all experienced this before, also some amazing vocabulary!
Let's take a look!
For an actual place, the threshold is the entrance, it's actually the part– the wooden
frame of the door.
To catch up with someone means to talk about things that have happened recently.
A dozen is twelve.
To face rejection means to experience rejection, to be rejected.
Not fun, but it happens!
To go dow a spiral means to get lost in thought in a negative way.
To get lost in negative thoughts, very confusing too.
You don't want to go down a spiral.
To get down on yourself is similar, it means to get depressed, especially because you blame
yourself.
Your nerves, this is your anxiety.
This is why you must overcome, you must deal with your nerves.
So you're not so anxious and nervous.
breathe!
It sounds simple, but when we are nervous our bodies can take over.
Without us realizing it.
We may start to sweat, our breathing becomes rapid and shallow, our thoughts race and our
stomach can feel upset.
But what caused this physical reaction?
Just our thoughts.
So it works in reverse too.
Calming our bodies can also help to calm our minds.
just as our minds affect our bodies.
This is called the mind-body connection and it has more influence than you think!
So re-enter your body when you are feeling nervous in a social situation.
Become aware that you are just standing in a room with –people!
Not on the savannah about to be eaten by a lion, like your bodies nerves are conditioned
to respond through evolution.
You are safe.
Remember – to breathe!
Focus on your breath and your body will calm, your heart rate will slow, your breathing
will be more even, your stomach will settle and your thoughts may stop racing.
If you can, count to five while breathing slowly.
In through your nose, filling your stomach, not your lungs.
Feel the deep breath fully.
Then release the breath to the count of five as well, through your mouth.
These deep breaths will calm your nervous system.
If you are at a party however, you can do these breaths under the radar instead of making
a big scene about it in front of everyone.
Take the opportunity to practice your breathing in the car before you go in to the party.
OR while you're walking down the block.
You can ask to use the bathroom straight away, and then do some deep breathing in there.
Don't be the weirdo standing in the corner huffing and puffing!
Specifically for breathing, shallow breathing is –. You're not getting a lot of air, and
that actually causes you to panic more.
To do something under the radar means to do something without being noticed.
You don't want to practice your breathing technique in front of everyone, because you
can cause or make a big scene.
To make a big scene means to embarrass yourself.
Uh, with a lot of attention, a lot of people watching.
A weirdo is a weird person, an o–, you can also say an oddball.
To huff and puff is the opposite of shallow breathing, but it's Just as bad.
Because you're taking such big breaths, probably because you're upset or also nervous.
But it's just a different type of breathing reaction.
Remember that your reaction is normal.
The number one fear of many people is public speaking, it's so ingrained in our biology.
As the comedian Jerry Seinfeld said, "According to most studies, people's number one fear
is public speaking.
Number 2 – is death.
Death is number 2.
Does that sound right?
This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket
than doing the eulogy."
And even the most practiced public still get nervous before going on stage, often experiencing
the bodily we discussed in the last section.
Even if they don't feel nervous in their mind, physical reaction tend to be the same across
people, no matter how confident you are, you can still feel nervous!
So remember that you are not the only person at the party, or the meeting, or work event
who is feeling nervous.
if you remember this, you won't feel so alone.
It's okay to admit to yourself that you are scared, just remember that a lot of other
people are too!
That's very true!
Always remember that.
A lot of people are probably feeling nervous, they have butterflies in their stomach.
They're feeling just like you, even if they're native speakers!
If something is ingrained – it is firmly established, it's fixed and very difficult
to change.
So this fear of public speaking is ingrained, it's not something we can easily get rid of
or change.
The eulogy at a funeral, is when you say nice things about the deceased person.
Let's go on.
In fact, getting a bit of distance from our emotions and reaction can allow us the space
we need to acknowledge them, but lessen their power over us.
This is a technique from meditation named labeling.
When you label a feeling or emotion, it has less power over you.
Because you recognize you are not the emotion.
You are just experiencing the emotion.
And, it is temporary.
So when you are feeling stressed, think to yourself "I am feeling stress.
I acknowledge that I am having thoughts of nervousness and my body is reacting to this
situation with nervousness."
Even just the simple act of naming your emotions and feelings can allow you some relief from
them.
That's very true – you need to recognize something and give yourself space in order
to really analyze it and overcome, or defeat it.
Do you agree?
OR what are your thoughts about this meditation technique?
We will finish chapter 3 next time!
Remember you have an assignment, I will be here to help you if you need it.
If you feel like giving me a hand, giving me some help, give this video a like – thank
you so much!
If you want more practice the podcast is available, you can also get your physical copy of the
book or your free audiobook version.
If you haven't yet, you can subscribe and click this bell so yo know when the newest
videos are available!
That's it!
Ciao for now – adios!
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