[Applause]
you're sabotaging yourself as a way of
stopping yourself from doing something
you think on some level is gonna create
a lot of pain in your life now some
people think succeeding is going to
create pain it's gonna make sure they
feel alone or separate from other people
remember we've talked about this so as
they start to get close to succeeding
whammo they sabotage why cuz their brain
notices but hey the more I succeed
people around me don't seem to get too
jazzed about it when I fail they call
come here gosh let me talk to you how's
it going but when they succeed they go
yeah easy for you buddy
well well that kind of conditioning no
wonder people sabotage we've got to take
control back in a way we take control
back again as we've done over the last
two tapes of conditioning ourselves is
to change our associations to the thing
that we're sabotaging now let me bring
up another point that I think is equally
maybe even more important that is this a
lot of us jump to conclusions about
sabotage you know a lot of people say
well gosh you know I just keep
sabotaging my success and when I say to
them is are you sabotaging your success
or are you just doing stupid things what
I mean by that is not everything you do
that takes away from your possibility of
succeeding as a result of self sabotage
sometimes just make poor decisions and
you don't want to start making up in
your head that there's this giant
pattern dominating your life and a lot
of people do that for example this woman
at a seminar recently stood up and she
said well gosh I just sabotage myself
all the time I said what do you mean she
said well you know like the other day
she said I was late for work for the
second time I said well what does that
mean she goes well I was late and that
screws things up I must be sabotaging
myself I saw maybe it just got caught up
and what you were doing she goes no I
think i sanitized myself I said well why
else she said well because not only was
I late but also I forgot some of my
things at home so I wasn't just late I
left my books at home so I couldn't have
conduct the appropriate meeting I know
sabotaging I said well how often does
this happen she goes well I don't know
maybe once or twice a month I said well
maybe ma'am you're not self sabotaging
maybe you're just not paying attention I
mean so be careful about generating this
as a generalization in your mind does
that make sense
don't get caught up and creating a
belief system when maybe something's not
there
on the other hand if you do have a
pattern realize that any pattern you
have including self-sabotage still comes
back to one thing human beings no matter
what we're doing including sabotaging
ourselves we do it for a positive intent
I want you to get that anything we do we
do for a positive intent for example if
you smoke cigarettes you're not doing it
to try and create cancer in your body
and destroy yourself that's not the
intent the intent is your brain long ago
linked up hey if I'm bored or if I'm
frustrated or if I'm feeling some kind
of pain of some sort that this is a way
to distract myself this is literally a
way to get rid of the pain and create
some pleasure that's what your brain is
learn to do so the intent of smoking is
not to try and sabotage you to sabotage
the physical sabotage and obviously
cigarettes create for us is not about
creating sabotage it's about creating
pleasure and avoiding pain do you follow
me we do the same thing with alcohol we
do the same thing of use drugs you do
the same thing if you watch TV too much
you do the same thing if you don't show
up for meetings there is always a
positive intent your brain is trying to
do something that's good for you in the
form of avoiding pain and getting
pleasure so what's the challenge well
the challenge is in our lives we many
times sabotage ourselves because we've
got this approach avoidance thing you've
heard me talk about so much in these
tapes where we have mixed neural
associations where we sabotage a
relationship why cuz on the one side
remember we've linked pleasure if I get
a relationship that's gonna be so great
others personal loves me and I can be
with this person and we can share so
much of life together and yet on the
other hand we've had experiences where
it's meant pain and so our brain fries
we start to go in the relationship it
seems good and then all of a sudden our
brain goes oh but how am I in pain and
also we get these mixed sensations or a
brain doesn't know is it gonna mean pain
or is it gonna be pleasure when our
brain doesn't know it stops everything
it tries to stop the process of progress
does that make sense I'll give you a
classic example I was reading in a book
of an example of how our associations
can drive us crazy and what it talked
about was an experiment that was done
with rhesus monkeys where they put him
in a special cage
what they did is in the cage they put
red yellow and green squares well after
several days the experimenter set it up
so that the red squares in the cage gave
off intermittent shocks that will cause
the monkey immediate pain well you can
imagine the monkey became pretty anxious
and pretty soon and learned to avoid the
red squares in almost any cost
well next the experiment had caused the
red and the yellow squares to give off
intermittent shocks and the monkey began
to act as if he was a manic depressive
why because no matter where he went he
seemed to get pain no matter what he
tried he tried what we thought would
work tried but he didn't work he's got
pain he started alternate between hyper
anxiety and depression and withdrawal
the monkey soon learned to avoid the red
and the yellow squares and then all the
squares were electrified well the little
monkey began to bite itself to beat its
head against the bars to defecate on
itself you might say a little monkey
been driven crazy now that's a horrible
example and I have absolute contempt for
that kind of abuse of animals or people
but what I also want to point out is
that this is exactly what some people do
to each other this is exactly what some
people do in their own head some people
create this experimental cage in their
brain where they literally begin to link
pain to everything in life we are the
ones that create the connections that
were the ones that establish the shocks
because no matter what happens in your
life what you associate to things is
your choice and at least after this
program it is you don't have to be at
the effect if you notice that you've
begun to wire the relationships a red
square called pain you can get rid of it
because you can know that that is a
generalization not all relationships
equal pain and so you've got to
eliminate those negative associations
otherwise you create your own
experimental box and you pay the
ultimate price that never needs to
happen to you you have the skills in
this program and if you're not sure
about them listen to a tape again and
apply them you can take those
experiences that were painful and use
the eraser technique and destroy it so
you don't ever associate pain again to a
relationship maybe you can even get it
worth so much humorous or you've at
least learned something or you can ask
yourself better questions and say okay
it may have felt painful then but that
was only one relationship and what did I
learn so I won't have pain in the future
it's not all red squares are painful if
that one was
and what can I learn from it so the next
Red Square is pleasurable or so I can
rewire the Red Square so it supports me
I just finished doing a date with
destiny seminar this last weekend before
I did this taping with you and the
interesting thing happened as a man
walked up to me and he said mr. Robbins
and I think I should tell you before we
begin that I'm into self-sabotage I said
oh really that sounds pretty exciting I
said what I said what am i doing I just
interrupted his pattern a little bit
start to break it up he said well no I'm
serious I said well I can see you're
very serious I said well what do you
mean he said well for the last few years
I've been working very hard at getting
out of my body I said getting out of
your body he said yes I said what do you
mean he said well in the last six months
I've been in three car accidents I said
well that's pretty amazing he's sitting
you know what else I said what he said
I've been in the hospital four or five
times for fainting spells I've also
fallen off a ladder I also fell when I
was exercising I said well I said how do
you know that that means you're trying
to get out of your body I said I don't
agree he said what do you mean
I said listen if you want to get out of
your body you would have pulled that off
a long time ago I mean that's pretty
easy I mean all you needs a good gun or
you know nice nice big knife I mean you
could do it quickly I mean if you really
were committed to getting out of your
body who had done that a long time ago
obviously this self-sabotage you're
talking about has a positive intent what
is it you're trying to get out of this
behavior he said oh I don't know I said
well if you didn't know he said I don't
know I guess maybe I just want to know
that people love me I said hmm
interesting he said god I never even
realized that till just now I said see
people on Sabbats at you know trying to
kill yourself that's absurd the bottom
line is you want to feel loved and I bet
just like the example I talked about
with you earlier in these tapes would
jackknife when we talked about that guy
who slammed his hand through the glass
and it was bleeding and the woman who
was rejecting him all sudden is making
love to him I said a long time ago I
told him that story and I said you know
a long time ago you obviously linked up
that if you get yourself hurt and get in
the hospital especially you got least
people who come and tell you how much
they love you and be with you and be
worried about you but I'm gonna tell you
something that isn't love
that's obligation
to me kind of funny I said that's what
it is it's obligation it's pain they
don't want to come see you they feel
like they have to and they're guilty I
said they're not giving you love in fact
a lot of those people probably hate you
because they do that well you talk about
interrupting his pattern he started to
defocused his eyes started looking
inside what am i doing I'm getting him
to link what pain to his present pattern
so his brain will want to change it I
said listen if you want love there are
much better ways and you're much more
intelligent person this you don't have
to sabotage him this way
you could get it just by you know the
best way to get love give it say be
loving to people give them so much love
that they have to give you love back I
said there's a law in life it's called
reciprocation what you put out people
feel like they got to give it back I
said some people stay in relationships
with people that they like but don't
love and the reason is they feel stuck
as the other person loves them so much
that they just oh they can't get out
they give love back I said listen if you
really want love start pouring it out so
deeply and so powerfully to so many
people it'll come back tenfold and he
looked around and I said and if you do
that you have no pain and you have lots
of pleasure you do the other one you
keep breaking body parts people come
they're obligated they think God would
have schmuck
how many more times is he gonna break
get in a car accident what is he stupid
but they wouldn't say that to your face
I did this over and over again until I
conditioned him to link a new pattern I
said to him as well look if you were
expressing love while you're expressing
it what are you feeling he said love I
so that's interesting
so you mean you could get what you want
the minute you give it his brain went
wow what a concept
here's a whole new way now well this
will help him to change his whole life
well he believes it will we'll know in
six months if he hasn't had too many
more accidents the pot of my unless he's
just like blind or something and that's
part of the problem the point is this
any pattern of self-sabotage comes out
of a positive intent do you hear me on
this we're always trying to get
something that's good for us even people
that commit suicide do it for a positive
intent in their brains mind their brain
says hey suicide being dead would be
less painful than being alive which I
have a hard time personally believing
but in the moment people who believe
that come
suicide most people never commit suicide
because killing themselves is just too
painful so what do they do they just
beat themselves up a lot you don't need
to do either one you can free yourself
from self-sabotage right now by knowing
from this day forward that if you ever
start to sabotage yourself 1 don't jump
to conclusions and assume that because
you've done something a few times and it
didn't work out the last minute you
screwed something up that it's this
Specter called self-sabotage that's
coming to find you try another approach
maybe it's you're just not paying
attention maybe you're not focusing
maybe it's got some poor habits you know
it may not be a self-sabotage pattern so
don't jump to that conclusion for just
bad habits refocus and decide what you
do want to accomplish and - if it
clearly is a pattern where you are
subconsciously sabotaging yourself
screwing things up hey get excited don't
get upset say hey look my brain is doing
what it does best it thinks it's keeping
me out of pain and give me some pleasure
but I just got to teach my brain a
better pattern that's all so what's the
intent and that's how you eliminate
self-sabotage so let's go through the
steps real quickly 1 identify a behavior
that's keeping you from getting your
goals something that's stopping you were
holding you back first you got
identified that's step number 1 - once
you've identified it ask yourself what
is the positive intent here what is my
brain trying to give me so for example
if you know you're about to go up to
somebody and ask him for a date and then
all of a sudden you shut down and you
can't even talk what's the positive
intent well my guess would be that your
brain is trying to protect you from
being rejected it's saying well if he
doesn't say anything can't be rejected
rejection is pain I don't want pain does
that make sense
so that's why you can't think in that
moment but see you got to teach your
brain otherwise you got to go in once
you find out that what the positive
intent is you go well it's trying to
protect me from rejection then you go to
step 3 get some leverage on yourself so
that you can make the change you know
how to do that we've done it over and
over again that is teach your brain that
hey if I don't change this thing I know
you're trying to help me out of your
brain I know you're trying to keep me
from the pain of rejection but by me not
going up and expressing how much I'm
attracted it's costing me relationships
that could give me a lot more pleasure
it's a little-bitty pain but not being a
relationship is
I gotta explain this to you brain you
gotta have a little conversation in your
head the way to do it is on paper sit
down and write down all the pain you're
gonna get if you don't change this
pattern and all the pleasures you'll get
by making the pattern work real simple
step 4
interrupts the pattern and there are
lots of ways to do that we've talked
about many the simplest one that we've
used in the last day or two of course is
the eraser technique so how do we use it
well
see yourself beginning to go into a
situation where you're sabotaging
yourself and other would see yourself
start to approach let's say an
attractive person and you you see
yourself start to choke up only this
time watch it happen in scramblin be
outraged it's the key to interrupting a
pattern is to do something your brain
would never ever expect and you look
rapidly over and over and over and over
again what that does is totally fry the
old pattern that used to stop you and of
course step 5 in is install a new
pattern condition yourself to have new
feelings what do you do
see yourself over and over going up and
making the connection with this person
and feeling the pleasure that comes from
that so you clearly teach your brain
pain comes from not doing it pleasure
comes from doing it and that old pattern
I can't run anymore I've forgotten what
the heck it is I scrambled my brain
simple humorous basic way to change and
eliminate self-sabotage something you
can easily do I want to make one of the
point and that is some of the most
successful people have patterns of
self-sabotage so remember if you find
yourself doing something that doesn't
seem to be supporting you in the long
term remember at some level your brain
thinks it's supporting you at least in
the short term that's why it's doing it
don't feel bad about a no-go oh gosh
Here I am this failure some of most
successful people that I've interviewed
and worked with have had self-sabotage
it's just a pattern when once in a while
getting you can just change it now it's
very easy so here's your assignment pull
out your success journal and before you
turn the tape over just identify do you
have a place in your life where you have
a tendency and by the way that's all
this self-sabotage stuff is we don't
want to make it into a thing it's not a
thing it's just a tendency it's just a
pattern that once in a while you run so
is there a place in your life where you
have a tendency to start to sabotage
things when it gets to good for example
relationship gets to a certain level and
your brain goes oh oh if I get too
connected if I love this person too much
what if they leave me oh my gosh then I
have pain so I better sabotage
first you understand the kind of thing
I'm talking about here so identify if
there's a tendency someplace that's
number one to don't feel bad about it
instead feel good get excited say my
brain is awesome my brain here is doing
a good job of what it believes it needs
to do to help me to avoid pain and gain
pleasure so feel good about your brain
means it's doing its job 3 get some
leverage though to make a change get
your brain to associate and teach your
brain by writing down here's all the
things I miss out on because of this
tendency and really get your brain to
see that there's major pain in
sabotaging and make sure your brain also
says make a list of here's all the
pleasure I get by making a change so
your brain has got both the stick and
the carrot
it's got leverage to want to make the
shift for then what you need to do is
now simply interrupt the pattern and the
interrupt the pattern the resilient ways
to do it again but use the erase your
technique us since we that's what we've
been using for the last two days real
simple process think about the sabotage
you've done and make it humorous run
those kinds of scenarios over in your
head and turn them into cartoons back
and forth back and forth back and forth
until when your brain things about it
kind of laughs and sees that this is
ridiculous where it doesn't run the
pattern in the same way anymore and
finally five rehearse achieving the
result you want without the
self-sabotage in other words rehearse
achieving the success you want and make
sure you feel the pleasure of succeeding
and do it over and over again till your
brain links hey this really works this
is really gonna last this is something
that I really want my life and the
self-sabotage pattern or tendency will
disappear so do this and we'll talk
about how to create unstoppable
self-confidence creating unstoppable
self confidence self confidence it's
something people talk about all the time
when they say why they're not succeeding
over and over I hear people say I just
don't have enough confidence
listen confidence is not something you
have it's something you create and you
can create it in any moment in time a
sense of confidence is nothing but a
sense of power within yourself a sense
of certainty that you can pull something
off and you can create that feeling
literally in a moment it's not something
that you live with there is no one that
I've ever met but no matter what
situation they're in is always confident
everybody gets knocked off kilter at
times the key is can you turn the
confidence on when you need it so you
can get the most out of yourself does
that make sense so far so you've got to
remember that feeling confident is
nothing but a state of mind and you can
change and create any state you want at
any moment in time no matter what's
going on around you let me give you some
specific examples there are three
primary ways that you can create
self-confidence at any moment in time to
get the most out of yourself and produce
the results you really want approach
number one you're familiar with it's
called physiology you've got to remember
that any feeling you've ever had in your
body whether it be fear anxiety concern
depression frustration or ecstasy power
unstoppable 'ti confidence success those
emotions any emotion you feel comes from
the way you use your physical body the
only way you can feel anything is by the
way you move the way you breathe your
facial expressions so if you're not
feeling confident you don't have to
intellectually try and pump yourself up
because it doesn't always work
I'm sure you've tried at times to go
well I need to be confident I know I
should be confident but you're still not
there let me tell you the quickest way
to get confident is to change your
physiology radically listen in our
seminars around the country those
unleash the power within programs we
take people through a first evening we
call fear into power and it's an
experience where we get you to change
your conditioning and feel totally
confident in an area you normally you're
totally afraid of so at the broadcast
site we use a fire walk experience where
everyone walks across the fire between
1,200 and 2,000 degrees burning hot
coals and in the theaters we have people
actually learn how to break through wood
karate style and they do it in about 15
minutes and it requires not only
confidence as you might guess but
competence to do something that most
people take two or three years to learn
how to do in a few minutes now the
purpose of this is to get people in a
state of being totally strong a
confident even though they were totally
afraid lacking confidence only moments
before let me tell you something to get
yourself a come across a better bring
hot calls or to smash through some wood
even though you might be tiny and small
but what is much bigger than you've ever
done before I got to tell you something
to do that you got to make a major
change in your state
major now let me tell you how we do that
the number one way we do this is we get
people to move their bodies or the level
of intensity and power that they
probably never experienced before
remember earlier in these tapes I said
to you that emotion is created by motion
the way you move your body physically
the way you breathed your facial
expressions instantly affects your
emotional state the way you feel and the
way you think so if you need confidence
you must move in a confident way you
must literally put yourself at level 10
or above you remember those
conversations so what I do with people
is literally I'll take somebody who's
comes up to the fire and they go oh gosh
I really don't think I could do this and
I say and I couldn't do it either if I
talk like you right now stand up breathe
strong take a huge deep breath in blow
it out hard what I want you to say the
word yes and then go yes I said no no
say yes and I haven't yelled I go yes
say again yes and pretty soon they feel
incredibly strong and I say walk and I
go okay and it's like instantly a moment
ago they were totally afraid now they
have the confidence to do it the only
difference was changing their state of
mind and emotion by changing the way
they're using their body but I do it
radically major explosive changes in
other words if I was gonna make a
gesture I wouldn't just like reach my
hand out towards you I'd snap it out
there that's the kind of state of
confidence I'm talking about are you
following me in other words you've got
to move deliberately as if you are
absolutely totally in control you know
you can create any result you want if
you meet someone who's confident you
know it before they open their mouth
don't you can't you tell by the way they
move by the way they speak listen what
if one you turn these tapes on I said
well I want to thank you for listening
I'm Tony Robbins and I want to share
with you over the next 30 days how you
could have well you know absolute total
um self confidence you can go get rid of
this guy what am i doing what's going on
here who is this guys on drugs what's
the deal see the bottom line is I
communicate
happily because I'm confident is that
I'm competent know confident that's what
I'm talking about I'm hopefully I'm
competent too but the bottom line is I'm
just letting it go out of that state of
confidence though ideas pop up this
whole set of tapes have been designed to
help you get results without limits I
didn't sit here and say okay no I'm
going to say this and put it in this
order I want you and I have a
relationship that moves you this whole
set of programs comes from my ability to
say I'm confident I know I can reach
this person if I didn't believe that you
and I couldn't have this conversation
right now
but sometimes I don't feel confident
sometimes I don't feel like I know what
I'm gonna say next have you ever been
there what I do at that time is act as
if I know what I'm doing which is a
useful approach now you might say well
you're teaching people to be confident
but not competent I got news for you if
you're confident enough you can develop
the competence but if you're competent
and you don't have confidence you'll
never succeed
there are many competent people who
could accomplish incredible results but
they're missing the confidence am I
suggesting to you to be foolhardy no
what I'm suggesting to you is learn how
to turn on the confidence rapidly use
enough of it to learn what you need to
know to be competent and effective and
produce the results but you'd be
surprised how much more you know then
you realize if you really get yourself
in the right state of mind does that
make sense
try it try moving your body in a
confident way back try it right now
please stand up again if you're in the
car it'll be a little bit more difficult
oh no no no don't sit back down some of
you started to stand up and you're set
back now don't do that I'm there I'm
watching I'm telling you stand up and
what I want you to do is just try
something stand the way you be standing
if you fell unstoppably confident
breathe the way be breathing if you fell
unstoppably confident really go for it
put the kind of expression on your face
that you'd have if you were unstoppably
confident and make some gestures
actually move your hands out with some
powers if you're trying to make a point
with real power and what you know that
what you're gonna say is gonna be
effective and just notice how that feels
say something say yes and the tone of
voice is somebody who is totally
confident don't little use yes with some
power and just feel that feels in your
body get a sense of it turn
more intensity than you would normally
use when another person just feel it in
your body so you feel what it's like you
want to be able to turn it on just by
turning your body on this is critical
with this is a power you can go from
being afraid to strong in a matter of
moments
now try something really stupid and
silly while you're standing there I'd
like you to walk around your room and
the way I'd like you to do that is I
want you to imagine there's a cape
shooting off the back of your back I'm
gonna have this call we call this a cape
walk now if nothing else has felt stupid
up until now this one is guaranteed to
assist you in this process what I want
you to do is stand up pretend there's a
cape back there shoulders are back and I
want you to walk around just walk around
a circle but like you got this cape
flowing back there with a sense of pride
in power
Nega I'm not gonna do this listen only
those who are truly secure can
participate in this exercise go for it
dry and come on walk around and just
notice it it feels like seriously walk
around and those how it feels down a
cape on your back and from that state
even though it seems humorous try it
right now are you listening to me
walk around a few little feels like
there this cape flowing off your back
there and notice what happens in terms
of your confidence even though you may
be laughing do you feel a little
stronger
are you more upright you feel more alive
just know this you can sit back down now
and don't sit on your cape bottom line
is this if you are making gestures with
certainty if you're moving with
certainty with some acceleration with
some power if you speak with that kind
of tempo you will feel confident no
matter how you're feeling a few moments
ago if you want to feel like you have a
lack of confidence move not only slowly
because slowly could still be confident
move slowly let's move with hesitation
speak with hesitation and within a short
period of time you can cause yourself to
not only feel bored with yourself but
also to actually feel like you can't
accomplish anything in essence remember
this using your physical body
effectively can put you in a state of
confidence no matter what was happening
around you no matter how intense the
situation no matter how scary no matter
how difficult you always have that
resource
don't ever say to yourself again one of
the dudes break out of that Jail if you
don't feel like you have confidence
create it right
now it's not a thing that somebody gave
you years ago it's not something you
missed out on it's something you create
by the way you speak by the way you move
by the way you gesture that's one here's
number two control your mental focus
remember what you focus on is gonna
determine how you feel so if you focus
constantly on how things might not work
out and you look at in your brain all
the possibilities of well what this
doesn't work or what if that doesn't
happen if that's your mental focus of
course you're gonna lack confidence
remember we experience whatever we focus
on so if you're focusing on how things
won't work you're gonna feel the pain
that you associate to that you're gonna
create a tremendous amount of doubt and
then it usually becomes a
self-fulfilling prophecy you don't get
what you want let me give you a kind of
a simple example I'd like you to try
something please listen and please do
this what I want you to do is think of
something you really want to have happen
in your future
something like to have or do or be and
what I'd like you to do is hope hope
that you'll get this to happen in your
life okay try it think of something you
really want in your life something you
really want to have happen and I hope
it'll happen notice how it feels when
you hope it'll happen
you may even knows what you say to
yourself and you'll hope something will
happen now what I want you to do is get
out of that state completely good stay
for a second and now let's have you
think about the same thing you want to
have to happen in your life but this
time I want you to expect that it will
happen absolutely totally expect it know
it okay and when you know what's gonna
happen I want you to notice what happens
to the pictures in your mind as you
think about it what's different when you
notice the difference your body
absolutely expect it will happen you
expect this will occur you absolutely
know it now I get a question for you is
there a difference in how you feel in
your body first of all and I think
you'll find the answer is yes in
addition is there a difference in even
how you visualize these two things in
your mind
there are several distinctions that I
make usually when I ask people what the
difference is between they're hoping and
they're expecting invariably a number
one a distinction is people tell me
things like well I noticed that when I
was hoping that the picture was dim or
it was dark or was gray or is black and
white or or it was two pictures I saw
myself succeeding but I also saw the
possibility of failing versus one I
expected I saw just one picture I saw it
happening interesting when you focus on
it just happening you feel confident
when you focus on it might happen or it
might not happen you don't feel so
confident is that fair to say also when
people focus on things that they're
expecting many times they put it in
color the other thing that commonly
comes up is people say things like well
when I was hoping I felt kind of passive
and when I was expecting I felt active I
felt like I needed to do something
interesting was that true for you the
reason is whatever we focus on we get so
if you're focusing on two possibilities
your brain is getting different neural
associations it's going could be painful
could be pleasurable your brain doesn't
know what to do it doesn't feel
confident but when you expect and focus
on one result you say this is what it is
I'm going to accomplish this I expect it
immediately your level of self
confidence goes up and you feel active
immediately because your brain says hey
if I do this I can get some pleasure in
my life does that make sense that's the
process we're talking about we must
control our focus and one way to do it
of course is to control our focus by
controlling the questions we ask
ourselves invariably people who have a
lot of doubt ask questions that create
they say things like well could I really
get this done I wonder or god I wonder
if this will get screwed up too versus
coming from the place of saying how can
I get this done or better what's the
best way I can get this done see when
something comes up for me if I want to
be confident I'll say gosh do you think
I can really pull this off I ask myself
what's the best way to get this done and
enjoy the process now by doing that
listen to the presupposition there the
presupposition is my mind's gonna focus
on how to get it done I'm gonna start
expecting it's gonna get done I'm gonna
feel confident first is saying will it
work or will it not in which case I
start focusing on two different
possibilities and I lose my confidence
are you following me good now third way
that we can control our focus is just to
change our core beliefs
we've already talked about how to do
this over and over again if you walk
around in life believing that the only
way you can feel confident is if you've
already accomplished something you got a
problem you're limiting yourself to the
number of things you can ever feel
confidence
seed in other words some people say well
how can I be confident when I've never
done it before
listen I feel confident all kinds of
things I've never done before you say
well that's because you're a screwed up
no that's not why it is it's because I
come from a belief system that says this
that if I can imagine it I can achieve
it so if I can even imagine it I know I
can achieve it and that allows me to be
confident plus I have a belief system it
says if I'm committed there's always a
way to make it work and no matter how
tough the situation is if I don't know
how to make it work somebody else does
and I can get their help so I come from
that place and that allows me to be
confident I know I can get help I know
if I'm committed there's a way to do it
and I know that anything in the past
I've really been able to imagine
accomplishing and finding a role model
for I can't accomplish
hey listen everything you do now you
once weren't good at everything you do
now there was a time when you had not
done it why wait to get confident
besides that I know I can be confident
about what I'm about to begin because I
know look if it doesn't work out I'll
learn something and that makes me feel
confident because that learning will
allow me to be better in the future
in other words set yourself up to be
able to be confident again I'm not
suggesting me foolhardy I'm just telling
you how to turn confidence on when you
need it and most of time you do need it
so key questions a lot of people ask me
is well how can I create that level of
belief I understand I can change my body
but how could I create that belief so I
wouldn't have to work at it well there's
a simple process that I teach people I
call it my success cycle and it's for me
is my way of explaining why people who
succeed seem to continue to succeed and
get even stronger and people who fail
seem to go down a downward spiral why do
the rich get richer and the poor get
poorer
not just term in terms of rich or poor
financially but rich meaning mental
emotional social spiritual intellectual
physiological and financial I put a copy
of the drawing of my success cycle there
on your summary now if you take a look
at it you'll see that there are four
elements that I think affect the quality
of our lives and I've got them
represented there by those four boxes up
in the top left-hand corner there you
should see the word potential what's the
potential of any human being
I personally believe it absolutely is
unlimited none of us even come close to
scratching our real potential
the second element that affects human
performance is our actions up there in
the Box in the right hand corner the
third element that affects performance
are the actual results that we've gotten
in other words what's the impact of our
present actions and potential being
utilized and finally the fourth element
that affects performance is our beliefs
and you'll see that down in the left
hand corner in that box and you notice
that all these boxes have arrows that
connect them and they're all pointing in
a particular direction going clockwise
as if this was a continuous cycle how
does it work well number one what's the
potential of any human being again
unlimited but do most people's results
in life that bottom right hand corner
box and most people's results reflect
that level of potential I would say no
way what's the problem you might say oh
I see what is Tony it's that second box
at the top they don't take enough what
action I think that's true in many cases
but that's not the only problem there
are a lot of people who go out there and
take a lot of action and still get lousy
results why action by itself is great
but it is not enough hey if you're in
sales and you go out and make a hundred
cold calls because you're doing lousy
but you go out win a state of mind we
don't expect anyone's gonna buy and you
turn to people and say things like you
wouldn't want to buy anything from me
would you maybe you don't say that
verbally but maybe your face says that
because you don't expect them to is that
gonna affect your results you better
believe it's going to you're gonna get
lousy results in other words success
starts with our beliefs if you look at
that bottom left-hand box that is the
core of your performance think about it
see the potential is there but if for
some reason you start out with some
learning beliefs like well I don't have
that much self-confidence anyway or I
don't have the background or I've never
done this before so I probably won't
succeed anyway if you have that belief
are you likely to tap a lot of your
potential highly unlikely now if you
don't think you're gonna succeed you're
not using much potential are you likely
to take massive action
hardly now when you tap a little bit of
potential and you only take a little bit
of action what kind of results do you
get a little bit of results if any now
what does that do to your brain in your
beliefs your brain goes see I told you
self and now you have this reinforcing
belief pattern because it points back to
that experience so what happens you have
even less belief
you'd have even less potential you take
even less action if that's possible
you get even worse results and now
you're truly locked into the downward
spiral to the point where now you start
looking at how can you do the very least
to get by that's called death rattle to
personal success the opposite is also
true too sometimes people have an
experience in life where for some reason
they get a result or something happens
and they begin to absolutely believe not
just hope but know that they can
accomplish something when that happens
whether it because you changed your body
or you had a new experience you're gonna
tap a lot more potential when you know
you're gonna succeed aren't you and
therefore you're gonna probably take a
lot more action knowing you're gonna
succeed you're inspired you're gonna go
for it
when you take a lot of action and use a
lot of your potential what kind of
results do you get usually great results
when you get great results what does
that do to your belief your brain goes
hmm
see I told you you would succeed and
sure enough now your beliefs even
stronger so what do you do you tap even
more potential you take massive action
and you get even greater results what
happens your believes even stronger and
now you're in that success cycle you're
in that place will you literally have
momentum that drives you to a whole new
level
that's how beliefs are formed you might
say well how can I get results though
what do I do if I'm on the downward
spiral
well you don't change your potential
that's always there you don't just take
action although that's a great first
step you've got to change your beliefs
and one of the easiest ways to do that
is change your results in advance you
might say what do you mean well let me
give you an example would you please
stop what you're doing right now and do
this exercise with me change your focus
and pay a hundred percent attention
you're gonna like this here's what I
need to do please stand up just for a
moment come on stand up there come on
and what I'd like you to do is put your
feet together so they're pointing
straight ahead then what I want you to
do is just take your right arm and bring
it straight out in front of you and
point your right index finger directly
in front of you so you're pointing
straight ahead when I say now what I'd
like you to do is turn clockwise as far
as you can comfortably without
stretching yourself or pushing yourself
or really hurting yourself okay ready to
go ahead and turn clockwise now as far
as you
can and just notice where you end up
good now come back again
okay drop your right arm close your eyes
and what I want to do is something
really simple some simple neuro societal
conditioning now it's gonna be simpler
than anything we've done so far all I
want you to do is imagine that you're
bringing your right arm back up again
and I want you to imagine it so vividly
that you actually feel as if and see
your hand coming up in front of you
straight out pointy in front of you
again in other words don't actually do
it but make it so real that it feels as
if it's happening and you can see it
occurring then in your mind's eye see
and feel yourself turning clockwise
again only this time going twice as far
and make it effortless and expect to
enjoy it good and then come back around
in your mind and again in your mind see
and feel your arm coming up in front of
you with your finger pointing straight
ahead and when I say now turn clockwise
and see and feel no don't actually do it
but make it so real it feels like it's
happening see and feel yourself again
turning and this time going three times
as far as you did the first time
excellent and now do it a third time do
it very rapidly and feel and expect
yourself to go almost four times as far
will you turn almost all the way around
very good now open your eyes bring your
right arm back up physically this time
with your finger pointing straight ahead
and when I say now turn clockwise and go
as far as you can without hurting
yourself and watch how much further you
go this time
go for it if you're like most people
you've gone much further in fact the
average person goes at least a third
further than they did before so I got a
question for you go ahead and have a
seat my question is this what happened
here
did your potential change no you always
had the potential to turn that far did
you like make major changes in your
actions no way you didn't make it major
changes in your actions but your results
did change why because by rehearsing in
your mind over and over again you
conditioned your mind to believe to feel
certain that it could go much further
you created an association in your
nervous system it said this will feel
good and I can go further and
you've gone much further in fact if you
did it again you could go even further
again so this is a perfect metaphor for
what has to happen in life if you want
to succeed you need to rehearse over and
over succeeding until it's so real for
you your brain begins to believe it now
you'll tap more potential you'll take
better action in real life you'll get
better results then we'll reinforce your
belief and now you're off and running
does this make sense this is the way to
create lifelong unstoppable
self-confidence this is what I did for
myself because I was on the downward
spiral all I did was create the results
in my head so vividly I began to believe
them when I believed them I tapped more
potential I took more action I started
to get those real results in my life
emotionally economically and my
relationships in virtually every area of
my life and let me leave you with two
more things on confidence one if you
really want to be confident know what
causes people to lack in it focusing too
much on yourself and not enough on other
people will guarantee that you'll lack
confidence what do I mean I mean some
people like confidence because they pick
themselves apart they spend all day
every day
analyzing themselves why did I do this
why don't I do that how come I never
accomplish these things they ask lousy
questions they get lousy answers and
they create a tremendous amount of
self-doubt you wanna have more
confidence stop analyzing yourself so
much and focus on other people and how
you can contribute to them and as you
start giving better people you'll feel
more confident about what you can even
do for yourself so make sense and
finally this you can feel confident if
all you do is remember some of the
things you've accomplished in your life
you are a successful competent person
you've done a lot of things in your life
extremely well no matter who you are
what your background is there are things
in this world that you are really good
at things you've really accomplished in
your life that you've got to be proud of
every human being I meet I know is my
superior because I know all of us in
life have focused our attention on
various things and whatever you focused
on a lot you're good at and every human
being I meet in my life I know that I'm
superior to in some way as well that
makes me feel confident as well knowing
I can learn from other people and then I
can give - so in order to help yourself
really have reasons to feel confident
not just put yourself in state but to
feel like you got reasons all you've got
to do is manage your memory
better pull out some of your memories of
tough situations in your life well you
didn't think he could pull it off but
you turned it around you have some of
those don't you situations we think I
could never figure way to pull this off
and yet you did you need to remember
more of those and less of the times and
you felt overwhelmed what I want you to
do is take out your success journal and
your assignment for DES is simple I want
you to come up with five of your
greatest successes in life things where
you've really turned it on maybe some
situations where it looks really dark
looked really difficult and you didn't
know how you're gonna pull it off but
you did and all I want you to do is
write down a paragraph or so about each
one of those in other words pull out of
your memory files some of the references
that can show you that you deserve to be
confident that you're competent and
confident that you can make things
happen even in the toughest of times and
use those examples to remind yourself in
the future that whatever's going on you
can find a way do that today and have
some fun filtering through your memories
and picking five of your favorites
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