Youtube daily Jan 1 2018

Hello everyone! This video is going to come to you in two very different parts.

So part number one: holiday rainbows. If you watched last Monday's video you'll

remember that I was trying to do something a little bit different,

something a little bit more innovative where we wrote a story in the comment

section. I was inspired to do this because I had recently just watched a

vlogbrothers video where I commented and then someone made a story in the

comments for me, after I commented on the video. And then this little light bulb

flashed on me like, "Why won't I try just to do that?" It failed

basically. It wasn't the big success that I thought. Now this isn't super

surprising. I'm still small YouTube. I don't expect there to be millions of

comments left. But overall I was hoping for a little bit more than two. However,

super grateful for the two people who actually did comment! The first was Peter

who wrote: The rainbow is flamboyantly awesome. Which, I mean, you and me both bud.

The second was from Stuart, and you can see his full comment right here. Which

you know ... I didn't think I was into vore, but maybe I am? And if you don't know

what vore is Google is your friend. Or second best option AskJeeves. It's just ...

I don't want to talk about vore. I think I might try to do something like this

again, but what with it being the holiday season, people traveling, people not

watching YouTube as much in December traditionally, I think it might have been

the wrong time at the wrong place. But who knows? We'll see how the next year

transpires. Part two is my existential crisis. This starts over on Twitter, which

is the best place on the internet for mental health! I mean at least it's a

place on the internet. I was responding back to somebody else's tweet about what

I wanted to learn in 2018 and I responded back by saying

This has continually been my biggest challenge

for the last, I would say, forever. I have no doubt that if you took the me from

seven years ago and told him what I am currently doing I'd be super jealous. I'd

be, like, "That guy is super successful!" And now that I'm in that position I feel

anything but. And maybe this is a little bit impostor syndrome, maybe this is a

little bit of self-esteem issues, but I can't help but look around and see

these people who are generating just really great communities around them, who

are able to execute these fantastic ideas, who are able to fulfill their

passions of what they are trying to create. And I'm sitting here being, like,

man I am on the D-list. This is compounded by seasonal depression –not

that I have been officially diagnosed with that, but I just know that during

the wintertime when it's dark for up to 16 hours out of the day I get super

depressed. Like the I don't want to get out of bed I am the worst person in the

world sort of depressed. Where I feel all this crushing disappointment in myself,

and all of this feeling of inadequacy, and me trying to put on a grin trying to

stride out of my house and trying for the positive spin on things is just

soul-crushing. I feel like the entire day that I am fighting back the want to just

curl up into a ball and cry. And weirdly enough watching episodes of Black Mirror

doesn't exactly cheer me up. So that's just what I have to try to deal with.

Other people's success does not mean that I cannot also be successful. And

their success is not gonna be my exact path, either. I have to forge my own

journey and fulfill my own destiny. I have to get to the one true ring is what

I'm trying to say. I also think figuring out exactly what success means to me

will help a whole lot. A friend of mine recently told me about Simon Sinek – which

I'm hoping I'm pronouncing his name right – has this little program you can

run for yourself that really narrows down what your purpose is, so that you

can focus on the right things and then kind of push away the things that are

tearing you down. But enough about me, I'd much rather hear what your thoughts are

on this topic. Is there something that you struggle with a whole lot? What's

your story? What are you trying to work on in the new year? Let me know down in

the comments below. I also think I forgot to say oh hi at the beginning of this

video. So, oh hi! I also have this new Facebook page I created for myself so if

you do have the Facebook if you go to facebook.com/thekylemarshall

you'll get updates and little stories and stuff over there. It's completely

free. So do what you must. If you wanna see more videos

like this you can also help me out over on my Patreon page. That's all the

plugs from me today. I'm gonna go curl up in a ball and cry myself to sleep.