Good afternoon, everybody.
Thank you for coming to our webinar.
I'm Rabbi Ruti Regan, Rabbinic Disability Scholar in Residence at Matan.
And today we're going to be talking about "Welcoming Parents and Children with Disabilities
to Your Yamim Noraim High Holy Days Youth and Family Services".
And we decided to do this topic because at this time of year, a lot of people are planning
their services.
And a lot of people are considering going to services.
Yamim Noraim High Holy Days is kind of a unique opportunity because there are people who come
to High Holy Days services who don't come for anything else.
There are people who have not gone to anything in years who decide one day or one year that
you know it's Rosh Hashanah they really want to try to coming back to synagogue, or that now that
their kids are starting to get old enough to know that they're Jewish, they need to
have some sense of what that means, that they want to try coming to services.
And for some people, it's a really significant risk.
And for some people, it could be the only opportunity we have in a very long time to
show them that they're welcomed, valued and there's a place for them in Jewish community.
And as we keep that in mind for planning High Holy Days services for youth and families,
it's important to keep in mind that access speaks louder than words.
See here I have in the picture someone saying, everybody is welcome, come on in.
But the way in is stairs.
It means that you might have all of the welcoming intentions in the world but if there's this
kind of barrier, people aren't -- not only can people not get in, but the message they get
is that when you say everyone or all Jews, you don't mean them. So you gotta keep in mind
access speaks louder than words and think about access with as much intentionality
and premeditation as we can manage.
Um, Daniella, can you mute people?
Because I'm hearing some background noise.
Thank you.
DANIELLA>> I think I got everyone.
>> RABBI RUTI REGAN: All right. Thank you.
So and in terms of access speaking louder than words, one of the most important things
at that keep in mind is that it's -- even if your program is for children, it's important
to include adults with disabilities in your accessibility planning.
Because some parents have disabilities.
And they need to be respected in our communities as parents and as adults.
Teachers with disabilities need accessibility.
And we need to be communities in which people with disabilities can be teachers.
And also it's important for the kids.
Because kids with disabilities need to know that when they're adults, when they're older,
when they're not cute anymore, they'll be able to grow up and participate in their community
as adults and that there will still be a place for them and that they'll be respected
and welcome. And when kids see adult accessibility and consideration for adults with disabilities,
it changes their ability to relate to each other and their ability to see that we really
mean it when we talk about accessibility and inclusion.
So don't forget about the parents.
Don't forget about the adult accessibility -- don't forget about the parents, don't forget
about the teachers, don't forget that adults have access needs, too.
Even if you think you don't have anyone who has those needs in the adults in your community,
first of all, it may not be true.
And second of all, people may be scouting out for other people, whether it seems like
a place where they'll be able to go and be welcome and feel safe and comfortable.
So in terms of adult accessibility planning, again, I know there's a lot of text here.
There's a link to the slides in your chat box.
And they'll also be sent out afterwards.
So how are people going to get information about your program?
And is the way people get information about it accessible?
For instance, if it's a website -- yeah?
Okay.
If it's a website, can it be used by someone who needs a screen reader?
If parents have to fill out a form, is the form online in a way that a screen reader
can read?
Or is it only a piece of paper or a screenshot?
Is information that people need online or available in some other way in an accessible
format?
And if you use social media graphics to spread the word about your program, make sure you
include image descriptions with your social media graphics so that people who can't read
the graphics can find out about your program. And so that people who can read the graphics
will get the message that you care about people who can't.
More specifically, how are people going to get information about accessibility?
'Everyone is welcome' doesn't tell people whether they're welcome or whether their needs will
get met.
Because people don't know whether everyone means them or not.
So does your website have accessibility information?
Do your sign-up forms have a place to indicate access needs?
What kind of accommodations are you offering?
How do people know?
If there's anything that people might need to sign up for in advance, how will they know
that they're available and how to sign up for them.
Who can answer questions about accessibility?
And how will the person who needs that person's contact information know that they exist and
get the information on how to contact them?
Again, if you're promoting making the accessibility contact person's information explicit and
prominent can really help people be able to tell you what they need.
And be able to know what you mean when you say accessibility and what you mean when you
say welcoming.
So I have in the slides various questions to ask. It's some really basic stuff I've seen, mentioning
because I've seen it go wrong a lot.
Questions like how will people get in the door?
Is there a wheelchair-accessible door?
If there's not, can you rent a ramp?
If there's a wheelchair-accessible door, is the door unlocked?
Because one thing I've seen happen a lot is that at High Holy Days services there will
only be one day open for security purposes and often the door will be the most like ornate
decorative door rather than the most accessible door.
So if you're in a position to influence that in your community, make sure that the door
that is open is the one that people can get in.
And if you can't make that happen, at minimum, get signs put up so that people who can't
get in that door have a real plan for how to get into the door that they can get in.
So plan.
If you can't convince your synagogue to leave the accessible door unlocked, how will people
who need it be able to get someone to let them in?
Similarly, where's the elevator?
How will people who need to use it find it?
Because sometimes all of the signs tell you go up the stairs.
So making sure that your directional signs take into account the needs of people who
are taking a different route because they need a different door or the elevator.
If there's a key or something, make sure that there's a clear way for people who need the
key to get it.
And that the greeters, if there are greeters, they know where the elevator is.
Who has the key.
And how to get to and from your program using that route.
Similarly, how will people find you?
If people are going in a different way, are there signs between that way and the door?
And it's also a really good thing to put a sign by the elevator buttons, indicating which
floor things are on, because sometimes when it's obvious on the stairs, it's not obvious
on the elevator.
And a sign can like both send a welcoming message and make life a lot easier
So where's the bathroom people can use?
Again, if it's not obvious, put up signs.
Gender-neutral bathrooms are also a really important inclusivity thing both from the
perspective of including gender variant people and also from the perspective that a lot of
people with disabilities are men, a lot of people with disabilities are women, and a
lot of people with disabilities who need help in the bathroom have a caregiver or support
person who's the opposite gender.
So having a gender-neutral bathroom can be the difference between somebody being able
to use it and not being able to use it.
Similarly, are there signs that make it so that people can find their way back from the
gender-neutral bathroom or the accessible bathroom?
And if the accessible bathroom is farther away than the main one, are your breaks allowing
enough time for people to get to and from the bathroom they can use?
So I don't know if any of you have spent time at the Jewish Theological Seminary,
that's where I ordained and, for a long time, one of the floors where there was classes
the 5th floor, only had a men's room.
Which meant that the men could go to the bathroom quickly and the women could not and it was
really frustrating when the breaks in our long classes were calibrated such that the men
could get back on time and the women could not because our bathroom was far away. So don't
do that to people with disabilities.
Don't do that to people who are gender queer or non-binary.
Make sure that the bathroom is available, clear, and that people have time to get to
and from.
Likewise, if you're doing a program that involves food, which most people doing stuff with kids
are, what's the plan for communicating with kid's parents and teachers about food allergies?
How will people be able to eat safely?
Will people be able to bring their own food, if they have needs?
I pretty firmly believe the answer to that should be yes, synagogues have different policies.
If something is going to need to be checked by the rabbi or mashgiach or kosher supervisor or
someone, what's the plan for making that happen and making sure people know the plan?
And how will people who need to eat and drink on Yom Kippur be able to do so in a way that's
both logistically possible and dignified.
So are the accessibility features blocked or broken?
It's not enough to have a lift, the lift has to work.
A ramp isn't useful if people have decided to put all of the trash cans in front of the
door.
And an accessible bathroom isn't useful if people are using it to store all of their
garbage or bulky furniture or something.
So make sure that not only are the accessibility features of your building or space there,
check to make sure that they work, they're not locked, they're not blocked, they're
not broken.
Because often they are.
And often people don't realize that's -- people may have locked them so you should always
check.
Likewise, the equipment, if there's equipment like a hearing loop, do you know how to use
it?
And do the people running programs for you know how to use it?
If you're going to be using a microphone, which, again, you should be, because it's
an important accessibility thing, do people who are running programs or who will need
to be speaking to your group, know how to speak into a microphone correctly such that they're
also -- that they're always picked up?
Like if you're having a meeting beforehand to go through things, one thing that it'd be
really good to do is to get people to practice using the microphone, to make sure that they
know how to use it in a way where their voice is picked up and there isn't feedback. Because
the microphones are only useful when people are talking into them in a way that they're
actually picked up.
Likewise, do people know how to use the lift?
Do you know how to make stuff large print?
And do you know where things are?
Tools and things are only useful if people can find them.
For instance, if you have a Braille copy of your prayer books or large print copies of
handouts, where are they?
If you're providing fidget toys which can be a good thing to do, where are they?
How will people who need them, find them?
Any number of other things.
Whatever accessibility tools you have it would be good to inventory what they are, make sure
you know where they are.
Make sure that people running programs -- running programs or serving as greeters know
where all the tools are.
Don't forget about the bimah. Because people with disabilities aren't just audiences, we're
also leaders.
And whether or not the spaces people are leading from are accessible, makes a big difference
into how people perceive themselves as people who are welcome in the community on equal
equal terms, as people who could be leaders at some point.
So if anyone's going to be on the bimah, everyone needs access to the bimah.
So when you're setting up your rooms, because youth and family services are often kind of in ad
hoc arranged spaces, which can be a great accessibility opportunity, just think about
how are you arranging your Torah reading space and your sort of frontal sermonizing space.
Is that a place people can get to without climbing stairs?
How would a wheelchair user get an aliyah or read Torah or address the congregation?
And, again even if you think you don't have anyone, first of all that might not be true, and second
of all, accessibility matters for everyone in the community because it sends a message
about everyone.
Like when I was ordained, my class insisted that the bimah we were ordained on have a
ramp because being ordained in a space without a ramp struck us as disrespectful to our colleagues
and congregants who were wheelchair users and don't climb stairs. So just think about that.
Think about how your space is arranged and not only what it makes possible for your participants
but what message it sends.
Access speaks louder than words.
Think about when people are taking risks because their access needs might not be met or
they're not sure if they're welcome, start thinking about what kind of questions people have.
One question people often come in with is, is this going to hurt, physically or psychologically?
But one thing that a lot of people find painful is flickering and buzzing light bulbs.
So check to make sure before the holiday comes in, check to make sure that the lights aren't
flickering and make sure that if they are, they get changed.
Test microphone setups for feedback, make sure you know how to use them without causing feedback
because feedback hurts.
Don't touch people who don't want to be touched.
If people say something hurts, believe them.
Don't make people sit in painful positions, touch painful textures, or otherwise do things that
hurt them. Because people who are often afraid that things are going to hurt and when they
do, it's not only painful on a physical level, it's painful on a psychological trust level
People really want to be able to come into our spaces and know that we're not going to
hurt them.
So, another thing is, am I going to be confused?
Am I going to be able to follow what's going on?
There's a lot of things we can do to help people understand what's going on.
One thing is a clear, written schedule so that people know what to expect and can kind of orient
in time.
You can do visual supports.
A visual schedule for each thing that's going on and that's happening.
We have an example that we made for Passover of the different steps in a seder. But if you can show people
what to expect in a visually transparent way, it helps a lot of people to understand what's
going on and it also helps a lot of people not to be anxious.
If you are going to do activities, it can really be helpful to a lot of people to have
instructions written down so they don't have to keep all of it in their head. Even if it's
an activity that's really familiar to you, it might not be really familiar to all of your participants.
And even if it is, having written instructions sends the message that it's okay not to know
things and it's okay not to be familiar with everything
which can really help people to feel safer.
Similarly, calling page numbers and waiting 7 seconds before continuing can mean that
people can get to the same place and not feel confused and lost.
Warning people about loud noises, again, is this going to hurt, is a question a lot of people have.
Loud noises really scare some people.
The loudest thing is usually the shofar so knowing when the shofar's coming gives people the
opportunity to use their coping strategies for loud noises.
For instance, covering their ears, bracing themselves, leaving the room during the shofar.
Or just knowing that they might need to take a break afterwards. People have different strategies
but they tend to be much more usable if people have a warning about when the loud noise is
going to be.
In terms of...there are some things, areas in which words really.. words really
can matter a lot in terms of sending a message.
One thing where our words do matter a lot is don't assume accessibility exceptions go
without saying.
If there's a rule that creates accessibility problems, people with disabilities and their
families will often assume that it applies to them unless you explicitly say otherwise.
So for instance, if you say that it's not allowed to use the elevator on Shabbat, make it clear
that people who need the elevator are allowed to use it. Another reason it's
important to be explicit about this is because kids often don't understand subtexts.
Kids are often very literal thinkers.
And the last thing you want to do is give the kids in your program the impression that
people with disabilities are breaking the rules.
Similarly, if you ban electronic devices, make it clear that people who use AAC devices,
alternative and augmentative communication, you know, like a communication app on an iPad, are allowed
to use their communication devices.
That really doesn't go without saying, especially for people whose communication software runs
on an iPad.
Like people might not know they're welcome.
And they might not know how others will treat them.
If you don't tell people they're welcome, they will often assume that they're not. And
if you don't tell kids that people are doing something that's allowed, they'll often assume that they're
breaking a rule if they know the rule but don't know about the exception.
So don't assume it goes
without saying because it really often doesn't.
And people learn that often these exceptions are not made for them.
So people can't read your mind. They don't know what you're thinking
unless you tell them.
Another way in which our word matters is like it's really important not to say the R word.
I'm going to say it just to make sure we're all clear on which word I'm talking about.
Because it's really important that educators and teachers and participants do not say this
word because it will cause some people to leave and never come back.
It will get -- it can damage trust in ways that take years to repair.
And it's just a word that hurts people on such a deep level that it's important to be
very cautious about this.
I don't normally like to get too caught up in the language issues but don't say the R word.
Even if it's -- whether it's clinical, like you know, don't say person with mental retardation.
Don't let people use it as an insult
or any other way.
Even if the person saying it thinks they don't mean it that way, it will hurt people and
like if you don't say it yourself, if somebody else says it, contradict them.
Another thing, in terms of helping people stay oriented and feel safe, one thing I've
seen a lot in educational programs is adults liking for things to be a surprise and not
wanting to tell kids what's going on.
If kids say, what are we doing today?
I've seen often, it's a surprise.
Stop asking.
Or you'll just have to wait and see.
And I get that that's a technique that can often get kids to not argue about the activities.
But it also can cause a lot of problems for kids with disabilities because some people
need to know in advance to plan for access.
Some people need to know in advance in order to feel safe or in order to stay oriented
and know what to expect.
So being really careful about, it's a surprise.
Make sure that if you're going to conceal information, it's for a compelling reason
and it's not just sort of a blanket avoiding argumentation strategy because there are other
ways to do that that don't cause access problems. Like if somebody asks and seems to
really care about the answer, err on the side of telling them.
Because if people expect unpleasant surprises all day, it's hard to get them on board with
participating in your program in a way that's positive.
So if you're using songs, make song sheets for all the songs you'll be using, even if
you think everyone knows them. And it really helps to look at the song sheet yourself and
to encourage other leaders to look at the song sheet so that people who need it won't
feel self-conscious or like the only person in the room who needs to.
If it's in the prayer book, tell people what page it's on, give them a few seconds to get
there.
Make transliterated versions available, especially if it's an outreach program.
And make sure that the transliteration matches the way your community actually pronounces
Hebrew.
Because there are different customs and that's something I've seen overlooked sometimes in
ways that mean people can't use the transliteration.
So make sure that people will be able to sing the songs.
I know that people who lead services for teenagers, older children and families often do a lot
of discussions. So I'm going to spend some time talking about various different ways
one can go about facilitating discussion for people who have differing levels of comfort
with communication or who may have communication disabilities.
Questions to ask.
Think about the fact that people communicate in different ways and process in different
ways.
Ask the question, how can all kinds of communicators participate?
It's good to support different kinds of communication.
It can also be good to vary your discussion activities so that people who have trouble
with one, can participate in others.
So just general principles on leading any kind of discussions is, if you're going to
pause for questions, the 7 second rule is really helpful.
If you pause to ask if people ask questions -- if you ask if people have questions or if
you ask a question, wait at least 7 seconds before going on to give people time to process.
When you're in the audience, 7 seconds doesn't feel super long.
When you're the teacher, it feels like forever.
So count it out and give people time to process and if you know there's people present who
have like intellectual disabilities, language disabilities, or communication disabilities,
it's worth waiting even longer often just to give people space to think and process
and ask their questions.
Like, this alone can in and of itself dramatically increase participation and who can be heard
in a discussion.
Just philosophically, it's important to help people express themselves without talking
over them.
Some people have trouble discussing -- asking their questions or expressing opinions.
They might need help figuring out how to ask clearly. Be careful about answering too soon.
Like if somebody is formulating something awkwardly or taking a long time or pausing
a lot it can be really tempting to just sort of preemptively answer to get rid of the awkward
pauses, but it's a lot better to give people the space to formulate their words so that
they can ask their question and get an answer to what they actually want to know rather
than one that just fills the space.
Similarly, be careful about speaking for kids who are having a hard time communicating.
Their questions and yours may be different.
So don't just like put words in their mouth.
Like help give them scaffolding so that they can use their own words and have their own
voice.
There are various ways to do that and we've listed a lot of them in our Passover discussion
resource.
Or something else.
It makes your best guess about why someone is asking.
And this still has a Passover question, apologies.
But they can ask, are you asking why we eat matzah or something else?
Are you asking why we blow the shofar or something else?
And you can just keep guessing until you get it right.
And then answer it.
This works really well often for people who communicate even through like say TV quotes
or sentences that might not make a lot of sense.
Like you can make guesses and narrow them down.
Often with people other people might even say people who don't communicate, people often
have a lot more thoughts than they're given credit for when they have appropriate scaffolding.
Another thing you can do to sort of scaffold communication is to say things like I'm not
sure what you're asking yet, but I want to know.
Because when people know you care, they're more likely to keep trying.
Don't assume it goes without saying.
Say it.
Because people can't read your mind.
And it can be very encouraging if they know you care.
It's worth paying explicit attention also to bias and silence.
Are people with disabilities in the room getting the chance to speak?
Are their questions being taken seriously?
Are they getting credit for their contributions and insights?
It's also worth paying attention to this from a gender and race perspective.
Like if you notice there's people of various genders in the room, pay attention to like
are girls getting called on, are women getting called on, are people of color being heard
in this conversation?
Because there's a lot of ways that can go wrong and if you pay attention to it in sort
of an explicit, intentional way, it can often be very helpful at making sure that
everybody is heard, welcomed and treated equally.
So if you notice that somebody isn't being taken seriously, be proactive about taking
them seriously yourself.
If someone is interrupted, you can uninterrupt them and get the conversation back on track.
For instance, say, Sarah, I was wondering what that -- about that, too.
What do you think the answer might be?
Or you know, I think that's great.
I think that's what Rachel was saying.
Is that what you were saying, Rachel?
So you can shift to make sure that people are given credit for their contributions and
that they're uninterrupted.
This doesn't always work.
But it often does.
You can also ask questions that others might want answers to.
Sometimes, people ask questions but aren't sure or embarrassed if they don't
know and if people don't have to go first, it often opens things up a lot more.
So aside from the scaffolding stuff, some activities that can facilitate participation
in a conversation or expressing opinions for a wider range of people, are going around the
room. You can ask a question to the whole group.
Give everyone the opportunity to answer.
Or go around the room giving everyone the opportunity to ask.
Also, give people an opportunity to pass without -- a way to pass without being made fun of.
One way people do that is like if you want to indicate that you want to pass, you can
cross your arms over your chest or something.
It's an invitation, not an order.
Don't like pressure people into going farther than they're comfortable yet but making an
explicit offer can enable people to participate who wouldn't be able to do that by jumping in.
Either because they're not sure how to tell when it's their turn or because they're not
sure if anyone cares what they think.
If people know when it's their turn and everyone's kind of doing this, sometimes it can open up conversations
with more people.
Another way to do it is polling, asking for a show of hands, thumbs up, thumbs down, an
opinion question.
Do you think Isaac knew what Abraham was planning?
This can sometimes show people that it's okay to have a range of opinions and okay not to be sure.
There's the this side that side game.
You can ask participants to go to one side of the room if they agree with something and
the other side if they disagree.
You can sometimes -- sometimes you can do this with a whole bunch of questions.
Sometimes start with something kind of silly.
And then as you build trust, move into questions that are a little more serious and might take
a little more risk.
You can say like, do you think the whale liked swallowing Jonah? Go to this side if you think the whale
liked it, go to this side if you think the whale didn't like it. Do you think Jonah was
upset about the plant? Yes, over here.
Not really, over there.
You can bring in movement which can help some people to pay attention.
It can also create a way to express an opinion without having to speak.
It can also help you identify people who might need to be called on.
And can open up people to explain their opinions to each other, the other side of the room.
So that game can be good as a way of including people who don't speak as readily or just
people who need to get up and move, which is often the case.
Because Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur can get really long with no movement.
Sometimes pair share works better than a whole group discussion.
Asking people to discuss a question or a text with the person next
to them.
So a lot of people are more comfortable talking to one person than the whole group, it's less
socially risky. It also allows more people to speak and get attention at the same time.
And another way it can help is it can be really helpful to kids and adults with ADHD because
waiting your turn and paying attention in a passive way can be really hard for people
with attention issues.
But if there's like a very active thing that focuses your attention, that can be really
helpful to some people.
That said, for people with sensory problems, it can also be really painful or overwhelming.
So it's not -- one method isn't better than another but it's a good thing to have in your
toolbox.
And if you know that somebody has these sort of sensory issues that might need it, you
can invite people to sit at the edge of the room or to use the whole room to make this
more comfortable.
And you can also come back together and ask pairs if any of them would like to share with the group.
Because sometimes people who aren't comfortable sharing with the whole group at first will
be after they've done this kind of activity.
Another thing that can be worthwhile is having reading materials available.
Because some people would rather check a book before asking questions.
Some people are more comfortable looking in a book to inform things, would rather get
answers that way.
Or like just don't do well with intense social engagement all day and might need to step
back a little.
So having a tanakh, a bible available so that people can look stuff up can be helpful,
especially if parents are present or if it's with older kids. Having flyers around or printouts
with commentary or books and picture books or the adult version of the machzor or the prayer
book can be really helpful at creating a frame for participation for people who like aren't
going to be able to do the whole day, intense social kind of engagement kind of program.
Just keep in mind indirect participation is participation.
It's likely not personal.
It's likely just people being -- you know being who they are and having the needs they
have.
And sometimes people getting distracted by stuff in the room isn't a distraction from
learning.
Sometimes it's just differentiated instruction
and accessibility.
So if you harness the power of peoples' distractibility and need to engage this way by providing materials
for them, it can sometimes create it as a way in rather than a way out.
Also just being aware that some of the best conversations might happen in the hall.
Sometimes things happen to the side.
Sometimes people need to be able to wander in and out.
Sometimes people aren't ready to speak up in front of a whole group are listening.
And sometimes, you plant a lot of seeds that you don't see the fruits of.
Especially if people are taking a risk to be there and it's the first Jewish thing they've
been to in a while or they're just going there because their parents want them to and
they're not really so sure about this. You might end up planting a lot of seeds that
you don't see the fruits of.
And that's not personal.
It's just kind of the nature of the role.
It's a thing that happens sometimes and if you see it as not failure but seed planting,
it can make it a lot more pleasant experience as an educator and as a group.
So more generally speaking, it's worth remembering silence is not absence.
Not everyone is comfortable speaking up in front of groups.
Not everyone has a clear means of communication.
Sometimes questions or thoughts percolate years later.
Some people are more outgoing than others and that's okay. And silence is not absence.
People are there and their presence matters, regardless of their level of overt participation.
On another note, on a less like takhlis, practical consideration -- immediate practical considerations,
you want to think about planning for emotional content and the themes of the day.
So there's sort of this judgment -- divine judgment, teshuva, forgiveness and apologies,
sins, there's often matters of life and death.
There's some particular challenges this year.
This is a hard year.
It's a hard year for everyone and it's a hard year to be leading services for people with
everything everyone's going through.
There can be some particular challenges for people with disabilities, both with all of
the themes writ large and with the themes as they are playing out this year in particular.
So in terms of specific context to think about this year, I encourage you to think about
the fact that kids are affected by things their parents worry about.
And we can't really protect them as much as we might like to think that we can.
There's so many scary things going on in the world right now.
And when adults are upset or scared, kids notice.
Kids eavesdrop, especially when they know adults are trying to hide things.
Older kids tell younger kids about things, even when they know they're not supposed to.
There's a lot of really scary news these days.
And it will likely take on a particular urgency during the holidays this year.
And if you have parents in the room, they're likely to have spiritual needs around
like both 'how do we deal with this stuff' and 'how do I frame this frightening stuff for
my kids in a way that's appropriate.'
So that's this whole extra layer this year for people leading stuff for families.
And to state the obvious, there's a very high stakes election.
And on Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, we will be very close to the election.
Many, if not most adults, in your community likely believe that this has life or death
stakes.
A lot of them likely believe that the future of our democracy depends on this election.
And in some communities, most people are going to agree on which outcome of the election
would be desirable.
In some communities, people who agree with the importance might disagree with each other
about which direction is desirable.
And so there's some particular challenges in those communities.
Just realizing that this is going to get really intense around this time of year.
And I know in 2016, I was at an outreach service that had about 4 times as many people that
were expected. There were people sitting on the floor sharing machzors, sharing prayer books
because there weren't enough for everybody because everybody was scared and everyone wanted to be
in synagogue and I think that's likely to happen this year, as well.
And that it's likely to be kind of looming in the room, affecting the emotional tone
and affecting the connotation things have for people.
So when you're doing your lesson planning or writing a sermon or thinking about what
you're going to say in the stories you tell about the readings we do on Rosh Hashana
and Yom Kippur, just think about is this going to have that kind of emotional connotation.
And if so, what do I want to do with that?
How do I handle how scared people are likely to be?
And again, this is going to be different in every community but I think it's something
to think about.
Because it's likely to be a factor. Similarly, one thing people are likely thinking
about, especially the women and the girls, especially teenage girls, is MeToo and our sort of
general, ongoing reckoning around misogyny and sexual violence and harassment against women.
Especially since some news has broken in our communities around that.
The conversation about forgiveness and teshuva and apologies can feel real different when people are
thinking about abuse and if there's parents in the room, they're likely thinking about -- some
of them are likely thinking about that, especially the women.
And if you're leading services for teenagers, a lot... some of them are likely thinking about that,
especially the girls.
And parents might also be thinking, again, like how do I keep my kids safe?
And how do I talk to my kids about this really scary thing that's happening in the world
and the way we're addressing it.
So again not saying talk about it.
Not saying don't talk about it.
I'm saying be aware of it as spiritual context that depending on the groups you work with,
may well be relevant in a way that you should think about. If you do want to talk
about it, Teaching Tolerance has some really good resources.
Another thing, especially for people leading services for teenagers or serving as youth
advisors to teenagers, is that teenagers from a lot of Jewish communities participated for the
March for Our Lives in pretty high numbers.
Which means that life or death issues might be more viscerally real to teenagers this
year than they have been in the past.
Teenagers might be thinking about this as their go-to example.
They might be thinking about voting as their go-to example.
And whether or not you go there explicitly, it'd be worth thinking about if you're
leading a discussions with teenagers and they go there, how are you going to handle it.
And how are you going to make sure that that works well within your plan.
Also, speaking of the gun issue, since many Jews are also more afraid as Jews at
the moment, like depending on where you are, again, this isn't true in every community.
but I know that some communities are getting extra security this year. And that in some
communities, there have been some pretty scary things happening.
Since people might be more afraid, they might need more reassurance that your synagogue
is a safe place.
Especially if it's unfamiliar.
So again, not saying do one thing or another.
Just saying think about it in your planning.
Because there might be ways in which it affects how to do things in your community in a way
that will work for everyone. So thinking about what's different for kids
and adults with disabilities surrounding some of these issues?
Both the things that loom particularly large this year and the themes of the holiday in general?
So the conversation about gun violence.
And again, this is really important to keep in mind if you're working with teenagers,
is that teenagers with mental illnesses or developmental disabilities may be experiencing
increased stigma.
Parents with mental illnesses or developmental disabilities may be experiencing increased
stigma.
And people who parents may also be -- who are struggling to accept their kid's disability
may be having more trouble doing so in the climate of the way that gun violence is being
discussed.
Because teenagers might be hearing others speculate that the shooter must like have
a diagnosis that they also have or that people with their diagnosis are dangerous.
Like especially kids with, say, you know, autism or bipolar or who take certain medications or
who have depression.
You know, might be hearing a lot of people kind of equate them with white supremacists
who commit violence in a sort of implicit way.
And that's really hard.
Because like in reality, people with mental illnesses and developmental disabilities are
not disproportionately likely to be violent.
But they are disproportionately likely to be victims of violence.
And so that would be a fact that if you're going to talk about this issue, that it would
be worth mentioning.
Because kids with mental illnesses and developmental disabilities need to know that you're not
afraid of them and that you don't want other people to be afraid of them.
Similarly, if kids who have physical disabilities are at schools -- go to schools that have
active shooter drills that aren't accessible to them, that could be really scary. They might
be thinking about things like that. Again, I don't know necessarily what it makes
sense to do about that, if anything, in your community.
Just keep it in mind.
Because if you think about how it might matter, you might find that it does.
The conversation about MeToo and gender violence can also affect kids and adults with disabilities
a bit differently.
Women with disabilities are women.
And are susceptible to all of the same things that any other women are.
And the gender power dynamics play out differently for kids with adults -- kids and adults with
disabilities because the rate of abuse is pretty high -- the rate of abuse... being the
victim of abuse is pretty high among people with disabilities regardless of gender.
So that's one way it can be different.
But also the gendered power dynamics and the gendered connotations of power can sometimes
be different for kids and adults with disabilities.
Especially people who were already disabled as children.
Because most therapists who work with children are women.
Therapy can be very psychologically invasive even if it's done
correctly but especially if it isn't.
And so for people with disabilities, the most powerful and intrusive person in life for
someone with a disability will often be a woman which can mean that conversations about
gender, consent and physical boundaries feel different for some people with disabilities.
And particularly, say if you're running a High Holy Days group for teenage girls, being aware
that an all female environment will not necessarily feel safe in the same way for girls with disabilities
is something to keep in mind. Which is not to say don't do that kind of
space because those spaces can be very valuable, but it is to say, don't say, we're all safe
here because we're women.
Because for some girls with disabilities, that might make them feel less safe.
At various points in my life, that has been a real issue for me in feminist spaces personally,
I know.
And also make sure people get that the rules about physical boundaries also apply to women.
Like don't think that it's okay to touch people. If you're a woman and you're considering touching
someone and you wouldn't think it would be okay if a man did it, don't do it.
Because consent is for everyone and boundaries are for everyone.
And again, this will not necessarily affect planning for everyone in every community.
But it's coming up commonly enough that it seems like if you're thinking about this,
think about this aspect of it.
Something that's going to be true every year and not just in the connotation of -- not
just in the context of the frightening political news and that kind of thing, is that kids with
-- kids and adults with disabilities can have a very complicated relationship to apologies
and apologizing.
Because kids with disabilities live with the knowledge that others find them difficult.
So do adults with disabilities, for that matter.
I'm mentioning kids because most of us are probably working with kids.
But one of the fundamental things about being disabled is that people find us difficult.
People find our basic access needs difficult.
And peoples' subjective experience is often that when they need to plan to include us,
it ruins their plans.
Or when we have a need they didn't anticipate, it ruins their plans and something -- and
that's really psychologically difficult to live with as a person with a disability because
we have to manage peoples' feelings around that.
And we have to apologize to people a lot for how difficult our needs are.
And for how inconvenient it is to accommodate us.
And tactically even when people are wronging us by refusing to meet our needs, we often
learn that we have to be very apologetic in order to not make them so angry that they
won't work with us.
Which means that for kids and adults with disabilities, if you're talking about apologizing
and forgiving people, that can have some very different connotations.
It's important to be aware of that.
And in some contexts, it might be worth naming that explicitly, particularly if you're talking
to teenagers in a context where teenagers are interested in social justice, the privilege
issues around who gets an apology and who doesn't can be worth talking about.
And it can also be worth saying something like, you know, I think that we need to be
more accessible and that we make -- when we make mistakes, we should apologize more.
If you say something like that out loud in an appropriate context, it can really help
people to feel safe and welcome and like they can bring stuff to you when there's a problem.
Similarly, people who get -- nobody has perfect emotional level headedness.
When people with disabilities get angry about discrimination, they're often expected to
apologize for getting angry.
And people aren't often expected to apologize to them or fix the discrimination in the same way.
When kids with disabilities get angry about bullying, they are often told, they just don't
understand or you have to give them a chance.
So this conversation about forgiving people can have difficult connotations for people
who have learned that they're not allowed to be angry or that they're not allowed to
expect others to treat them well and not discriminate against them.
Kids with disabilities often face disproportionate pressure both to forgive others and disproportionate
pressure to apologize when they haven't done stuff wrong.
So just think about that.
Because it's -- whatever you're doing around this theme, it's going to matter in some way.
Kids with disabilities and adults with disabilities often have a different relationship to death
than other kids that are their age.
Kids with disabilities are more likely to know kids their own age who have died especially
if they're in a special education program.
Kids with progressive or potentially life threatening medical conditions usually know
this, even if their parents haven't discussed it and think they don't. So the parts of the service that
reference death may have more emotional weight for kids who know that kids can die.
And again, just think about that when you're thinking about developmental appropriateness
and what's going to be over peoples' heads and what won't.
Kids with disabilities may also have heard adults say really scary things about the future.
Kids who couldn't survive losing health care very likely know that and have heard adults
say it.
Maybe like in the presence of their parent and their senator.
Kids who would end up in institutions if they lost services most likely are aware of that.
Kids who are in danger of losing health care probably know that.
And there's been a lot of people chanting stuff on TV, like kill the bill, don't kill us.
And so when you're talking about fear and
when it's coming up in the themes of the prayer, especially for older kids and teenagers, think
about the fact that some people are experiencing more fear than others.
And some people have more to fear than others and again, I can't tell you how this will matter
in your community or whether it will affect when you're planning but when you're planning,
think about the fact that this has this connotation for some people and whether that might affect
something in the service that you're leading or helping others to lead.
From another angle, the concept of inappropriate can really complicate teshuva for disabled
people who have actually done stuff wrong.
So for instance, most autistic people need to do things that are like socially weird.
Like rocking back and forth, flapping their hands, speaking in movie quotes, talking about
the same interests. They're often told, don't do that.
That's inappropriate behavior.
People also often say, don't say an ethnic slur.
That's inappropriate behavior.
Or don't hit someone.
That's inappropriate behavior.
So when inappropriate is used to describe both like your body language and violence,
morality can get really confusing And it can be hard to realize that you've actually done
something wrong when you've been taught that your body and brain is intrinsically wrong.,
A lot of people have trouble sorting that out.
So I would encourage -- again, first of all, think about it.
Second of all, I would encourage you to use a word other than inappropriate when people
are actually doing something wrong.
Like say violent.
Say hurtful.
But inappropriate, since it means both of those things, can really make teshuva complicated
and can undermine peoples' ability to actually realize when they're doing something wrong.
Honor partial presence.
Be fully present is too much to ask in this context.
People who face access barriers often literally can't be.
And people who aren't sure they're fully welcome are often not going to be up for giving
unbounded trust. Honor what people can bring.
Don't pressure them to bring everything.
It's important for people to be able to access Jewish spaces even when they can't bring their
whole selves or their full attention.
And if somebody needs to sit on the edge of the room, they're still in the room
and that's awesome.
Safety and consent.
You know, spiritual intimacy requires consent.
Ask before touching people.
If an activity involves physical contact, include a no-contact way to participate.
Don't pressure people to share personal things they don't want to share. Don't block doors
or other places in ways that make people feel trapped.
Make sure there's an escape route.
Don't take it personally when people are unwilling or unable to do something that you think is wonderful.
Another watch your language kind of thing is be really careful about how you use the
words we, I, and they.
Don't say we unless things apply to everyone in the room who is part of your community
or you're sending a message about who you do and don't mean by we.
We're all fasting today, for instance, might not be true because some people can't fast
and they're still Jews.
Don't say they about things that apply to some people in the room.
For instance, don't say something like people with autism struggle with things that you
and I take for granted.
Assume that autistic people are in the room and part of we.
Nobody wants to come to High Holy Days as a Jew and be treated as a they. They want to
come, show up and be part of the Jewish we.
So make sure that you watch your we, I and they and if you slip up just say, oh, I shouldn't
have said we or I about that.
And just like apologize and correct yourself in the moment and if you do that, it won't be a big deal.
So in terms of the we, I, and they aspect of this, I want to talk a little about my own
experience of not fasting on Yom Kippur as a person with a disability.
I used to be able to fast.
For medical reasons, I am no longer able to fast.
And for a while, that separated me from the community.
Because I realized I implicitly kind of felt like I was doing something wrong.
So and then last year, I decided that I was not going to be discrete about it.
I was going to drink water in front of people because I didn't want to separate myself from
the community.
And it changed -- when I was going through the Al Chet, the part of the liturgy that's a long list
of sins, there are these two lines that really jumped out at me.
For the sins that we have committed willingly and for those who have committed under duress
and for those sins we have committed through food and drink. I realized that for me to
fast on Yom Kippur would be sinning through eating and drinking but I've kind of been
treating my eating and drinking as a sin I was committing under duress.
It made me realize that I think we often send the message to people with disabilities that
their bodies are like a separation from proper Jewish observance or the community.
And I'm not separating myself from Jewishness, I'm not an exception.
I'm observing properly for the way that it is appropriate for people with my kind of
body to participate Jewishly.
For people who can't fast safely, eating on Yom Kippur is a mitzvah. We should not treat
medically necessary eating and drinking as a sin committed under duress.
We shouldn't hide it and say things like everybody's fasting because
being disabled is not a sin. Our observance is observance.
We shouldn't pressure into invisibility because when you pressure people to do it out of
view to avoid making the class more difficult than others, that makes -- this
hiding has an affect on disabled experience with Yom Kippur. And is making prayer more difficult
for those who must not fast something we're able to see as a problem and hold in our community?
We shouldn't see noticing disabled peoples observance of mitzvah as a burden to bear,
we should all be in this together. And when we watch our we, I and they and plan for including
everyone and discuss things in a way that takes what everyone brings spiritually to
the table, we can be much stronger communities.
Not only can we include everyone, we can benefit from everybody.
So when I could fast, fasting made me weak, wobbly and less cognitively capable. And that opened up
certain possibilities for prayer and teshuva and I now often experience that naturally.
It occurred to me that Judaism treats those experiences as spiritually significant and
valuable to the extent that non-disabled people enter into them artificially on the holiest
day of the year.
You know, that framing is just me speaking this myself.
Not everyone sees it that way.
But I think that when we welcome people with disabilities to participate openly as ourselves
with everything we bring, we're a much stronger
community and we have things that we wouldn't have otherwise.
So I encourage you to think about the practical aspects, the sort of more conceptual thematic
aspects and what everyone can bring and how to be this big Jewish us together.
I see that we're a couple of minutes over time.
Thank you, everyone.
I will stay on for a few minutes, if anyone has questions they'd like to ask.
I'm going to unshare my slides just so I can see the . . .
Yeah.
So some comments.
Sammy says, my synagogue does this.
The full inclusion of people of all abilities is the core value of the Beth Shalom in Pittsburgh Jewish community.
if you need accommodations to participate meaningfully, please contact the office at
the email for the contact.
I like that language.
I would say that I think that people with and without disabilities is better than people
of all abilities just as somebody who comes from certain communities and would find that
to be a stronger statement.
But I think that that's very clear about who to contact for accommodations.
So thank you. What?
SAMMY>> We did say people with disabilities?
>> RABBI RUTI REGAN: I would say people with disabilities or people with and without disabilities
is a bit better.
>> Okay >> RABBI RUTI REGAN: Because people with all
abilities can feel a little euphemistic and also always doesn't make it clear what you're
offering.
Because sometimes it doesn't mean do you mean people who are less experienced with prayer
or less skilled?
Another thing I would suggest in these statements is it's worth including examples.
If you can include examples of some accommodations you offer.
Because then it gives people a sense of what it's okay to ask for.
That's just sort of a couple of possible ways of improving on that.
But it's a good statement.
And I like that you have clear contact information.
Okay.
And Talia Johnson adds that another good way to label the bathroom is all gender.
I agree.
That's a great way to label the bathroom.
Anyone else have questions or comments?
All right.
Thank you very much.
And if anyone has further questions or comments, we can be reached on Twitter or I can be reached
at Rabbi@Matankids.org.
Thank you, everyone.
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