(upbeat music)
- The first time you're under the influence
is a day that will live in infamy.
- Your first time is going to be strange.
- I was like whoa, what's going on.
- You're just wondering the whole time, am I high.
- You really want to tell Jesus this yo last time.
You'll be like, Jesus I aint gon do this no more, I swear.
- I'm definitely high.
- So, the first time I got drunk I was in Israel,
the Holy Land.
My friends, who were a little bit older than me,
we all went to a bar and I'd never gone to a bar before.
We just started ordering vodka cranberry,
after vodka cranberry, after vodka cranberry.
Then we leave the bar, of course I have to pee.
What I'm gonna do?
I did it in the middle of the street.
My friends is like, I can do better.
She pees down a children's slide.
Then the other friend is like, un-un girls
I got even better.
She climbs on top of a car, pisses on the roof of a car.
I was like, I got y'all beat, I'm peeing on this cactus.
So, I pissed on a cactus.
Which is very dangerous,
I would not recommend it to anybody.
Mah ha'inyanim.
- The first time I got high,
I had this older friend and it was one of those friendships
where you're sort of you're Obi-Wan.
They show you how the world works.
- And I had a fake ID since was like 15 or 16.
So, I was pretty cool.
- This guy just like jumped out the ally
and was like, hey we got that loud, we got that loud.
Which is like the Chicago like drug dealer call,
for like I have really good weed.
My friend is like, cool how much.
And I'm like do people just do this.
- The first time I got really drunk
was at one of my Mom's birthday parties.
Obviously, we found where the drink was
and drank, and drank, and drank.
My grandad, before our family had seen any kind of
luxury, he use to be a chauffeur driver.
So, as a special treat he decided to pick me up
in a Bentley.
I was then sick in the back of that Bentley
on the way home and the way home,
and woke up with a horrible hangover.
So, there's my first drink story.
- First time I was ever under the influence
I was probably like 15, 16 years old.
I had just gotten my first job.
My friends were like they're goin drinking.
I was like cool man, I've got something to celebrate,
but I'm chugging vodka like a moron,
and all that excitement I had,
imagine the absolute opposite, agony.
Pain, that was the next day, and it's my first day of work.
I drove with this guy I never met's truck.
We're delivering meals on wheels.
I go open the windows, and it's one of those manual ones.
I threw up on the window, it dripped down onto the floor.
Guy gets in the truck is like, did you just throw up.
And I said yes, yes I did.
This is alcohol, and that I just threw up.
I'm a mess of a human being.
- I'm sure most people's first time under the influence
is drinking or weed or whatever.
I got high on laughing gas because I had to get my wisdom
teeth taken out when I was around 15.
(laughing)
I sound weird out loud.
- Soon as I get up, I'm like in the sunken place, basically.
I'm so high.
I remember like looking and feeling like I was playing
a video game, and I was like how do I walk.
- You know you really under the influence
when you think you flying and you really aint flying.
You just looking at the trees go by.
(wind blowing)
I got to be superman, this what superman feels like.
No, you just high as hell.
(laughing)
- Yeah.
Oh no.
- It was my birthday.
So, this is the first time I'm ever
smoking a whole blunt by myself.
And I'm just smokin' it, and I'm sittin' in the car.
Then the sun is beaming down on my pants.
So, my pants is gettin' hot.
But, I'm so high, I'm not thinkin' about the Sun,
I think I'm peeing on myself.
So, I get out the car.
I'm touching myself.
I say man, I think I peed on myself.
Man, I was high as hell.
That was my first time under the influence.
I thought I peed on myself.
- If I could go back and change one thing,
maybe I wouldn't drink a whole bottle,
a whole bottle of vodka I drank.
- Now when I get drunk I still pee on everything.
Guys do it, why can't I do it?
I'm all about equality, I'm a feminist, okay.
If a guy can pee there, I can pee there.
- If you need to have your wisdom teeth removed ...
I don't know why everyone's so scared of it.
I had the best time of my life.
(laughing)
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