-Oh, what a treat. -Well, thank you for being here,
'cause I know you've been traveling all over.
You're doing stand-up. You're traveling the country.
-Yeah, I've been traveling.
I went through -- Have you ever been through Colorado, Jimmy?
-Sure.
-Well...
they've legalized the weed, gang.
[ Laughter ]
Yeah, everyone's smokin' dope.
I was speeding through Colorado. A cop pulls me over.
He goes, "Sir, will you blow into this?"
It was his bong. -[ Laughing ] Oh, my God.
There's no rules over there anymore.
-Yeah, he turned on the lights.
We had a Burning Man rave on the side of the road.
-Oh, my gosh.
But you love being on the road. You enjoy it.
-Well, you know, Jimmy,
there's a technique to being on the road, right?
You don't want to stay in a crappy hotel, okay?
Rule number uno, okay? -Yeah.
-You ever hear of the Motel 6, Jimmy?
-Yeah.
-Well, guess who stayed at a place called the Motel 3.
-Oh, no! That must have been... -Yeah, not good.
You know, their slogan for Motel 6 is,
"We'll leave the light on for you."
At Motel 3, it's, "We'll leave
the skid mark on the wall for you."
-That's awful.
-No, I go in. There's a sign in the lobby.
It says, "Breakfast in bed." I go in my room.
Someone barfed a mushroom omelet on the sheets.
-A mushroom omelet. Oh, good God.
-So, I go in the bathroom, checking out
the old lady from "The Shining" is in the bath.
I woke up covered in someone else's psoriasis scabs.
What the hell?
[ Laughter ]
-Oh, my goodness.
-Jimmy, this place was nuts.
There was a glory hole in the ceiling.
-What?! What?!
-No, that's not the worst part. There was a ceiling fan, too.
-Oh, wow. Frightening. -Yeah. Great audience.
Ma'am, if you could look away, I don't like your eyes.
-Wait. You can't say that to somebody.
-Well, the third row -- she's got boogle eyes.
-Just ignore it, ignore it. -Okay.
-No, because I want to talk about --
You did -- This is a cool thing.
You went to ancestry.com. -Yeah.
-And you wanted to wait for today to tell me what happened.
What happened? Is it... -Well, we've all got roots.
You're Irish, right? -That's correct.
-Fallon's Irish. -Yep.
-I didn't know what the hell I was,
and so I go on ancestry.com.
You can find out.
And blew my mind right out of the gate.
You don't know what you're gonna get.
Turns out my grandmother is my dad.
[ Laughter ]
-I don't understand. Unbelievable.
-Yeah, turns out we come from
a long line of A-holes, Jimmy, yeah.
-You do?
-No, they didn't even have a family tree on our page.
It was just a cactus covered with pricks.
[ Laughter ]
And check this out. I sent in my DNA.
You can spit in a cup, send in your DNA.
Jimmy, I had no idea.
Turns out I'm the Hillside Strangler.
-Oh, man, you learn something new --
-No, you laugh. I'll see you later tonight.
[ Laughter ]
-Your podcast, "The Harland Highway" --
congrats on that, buddy.
I think you've done -- Was it 1,000 episodes or something?
-We're coming up on her, Jimmy.
-Dude, iTunes. -Yeah.
-Check it out -- "The Harland Highway."
-Thank you, buddy. Thank you.
-And then this is exciting news. This is out right now.
"Caramel Corn the Pug: Kick 'Em in the Kibble."
-Yeah.
-Now, at first, I was a little confused,
'cause I go, "Oh, is this 'Puppy Dog Pals'?"
-Oh, my Disney Junior show, the cartoon.
-Dude, that's my favorite cartoon.
My kids watch it all the time, and I'm watching it.
[ Vocalizes "Puppy Dog Pals" theme ]
-Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
-It's the greatest show, so good.
I'm watching it. It's funny. -Yeah.
-It's about, basically, what dogs do when
the owner goes to work, goes away.
-Yeah, yeah.
-And they solve crimes, and it's just a cute show.
But then I go, "Well, what is this?
"Caramel Corn the Pug: Kick 'Em in the Kibble."
This is you doing stand-up.
-Yeah, this is my new stand-up special,
and I'm debuting it --
We're announcing it right here on your show.
-On "The Tonight Show." It's on Amazon right now.
-Yeah. [ Cheers and applause ]
-Get it.
-I found this.
I was thinking, "You know, I want to do a new comedy special,
but I've done like 15 of them just as me," you know?
And I was a little bit bored, gang.
You know, the kid gets bored.
And I found this great mask of a dog
and I thought, "I'm gonna do my next special as a dog."
So if you watch
"Caramel Corn the Pug: Kick 'Em in the Kibble,"
you're gonna see me, for an hour,
dressed as a dog, doing stand-up.
[ Laughter ]
-That is the best thing in the entire world.
I love you so much. Harland Williams, everybody.
-Oh, Jimmy, love you, buddy. -Good to see you, pal.
Harland Williams.
His new stand-up special,
"Caramel Corn the Pug: Kick 'Em in the Kibble,"
is available now on Amazon.
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