-It is Fleet Week here in New York City.
And our entire audience
is filled with servicemen and women.
This year is actually New York's 30th Fleet Week.
So I want to wish an early happy 30th birthday
to all those babies conceived during the first Fleet Week.
Happy birthday. [ Cheers and applause ]
Very nice.
But everyone is excited about Fleet Week.
All of New York will be applauding people in uniform,
or as that's also known, the opposite of a Knicks game.
[ Laughter and applause ]
We had a tough year. We had a tough season.
We had a tough season.
I heard that tomorrow night
there's a Fleet Week booze cruise.
[ Audience cheers ]
I'm sure you all thought, "Sweet, it's my day off,
can't wait to spend it on a boat."
[ Laughter and applause ]
"What's that like?"
Yeah, there are tons of ships
that sailed into the harbor this week.
We got some footage of their arrival,
and you can really tell that they are in New York City.
Watch this.
[ Honking ]
[ Cheers and applause ]
This is exciting. We have Guy Fieri on the show tonight.
Guy Fieri is here.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Backstage we had an entire conversation
before I realized I was just talking to the sunglasses
on the back of his head. And I go, "Look --"
[ Laughter ] Very nice guy, but yeah.
This is a big story here.
Today President Trump announced that he is calling off
his meeting with North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
Yeah. Now, this is very interesting.
After he broke it off, Trump told him
that he could have custody of Don Jr.
[ Laughter ]
"Take care of him. Raise him.
Raise him very nicely."
[ Laughter ]
Guys, get this.
I saw that Disney World announced
they are finally serving alcohol at every restaurant
in the Magic Kingdom.
[ Cheers and applause ]
Parents will say, "These giant teacups are spinning too fast,"
and the kids will be like, "We are not even on the ride yet."
"You're my best friend. Goofy's my best friend."
That's right, alcohol is now being served at every restaurant
in Disney's Magic Kingdom.
It's only been a week,
but I guess Disney is already thinking about
changing their slogan.
It used to be "the happiest place on Earth."
Now they are considering new slogans like,
"Disney World, when you wish upon a bar."
[ Laughter ]
Next there's, "Disney World,
watch Elsa do the walk of shame."
[ Laughter and applause ]
What? -Oh, poor Elsa.
-Then there's "Disney World,
sleep it off in the Hall of Presidents."
[ Laughter ]
Then there's "Disney World,
official home of the $40 Bud Light."
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally, "Disney World,
Donald Duck won't be the only one without pants."
[ Cheers and applause ]
There you go -- they're gonna pick one of those slogans.
[ Laughter and applause ]
And finally, I read that the International Cricket Council
is trying to attract new fans because viewership is down.
Today they released a commercial
to get people excited about cricket,
but I think they may have taken it a little too far.
Watch this.
-What's up, America?
Grab your balls and wickets,
'cause you're about to get schooled on cricket!
♪♪
We got sick bowls getting smoked.
Hit that. These leg pads are hella rad.
This batter is gonna shatter your mind.
-Aah! -Want more?
Good, 'cause this game lasts for five [bleep] days.
Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
And then we're gonna spend all weekend talking about it.
So hit the pitches, bitches, and play some cricket.
Longer than baseball and way less fun.
-Paid for by the International Cricket Council.
-Whoa! -Too far.
-Guys, we have a great show tonight.
Give it up for the Roots!
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